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Posts Tagged ‘drinking’

BEST Christmas Gift Idea: Shotski

December 21, 2010 4 comments

I was out for yet another holiday event last night – don’t try this at home kids, I am a professional.  I went out for sushi and drinks with some girlfriends. There are many highlights, but I think I can sum it all up with my friend’s  gift idea: the Shotski.  It’s ecofriendly (if you find a ski in a dumpster), cheap and unique.

Do you hate when one person drinks their shot before everyone else?  Do you have a friend who nurses their shot?  Do you know someone who has everything?  The Shotski is for you.

What’s your go-to gift this season?

Advertising – WTF

December 15, 2010 13 comments

What exactly did I search, buy or look at on the internet to get this email?!

Now, I am not going to lie, I do sometimes feel like a seventy-year old woman – just ask my beloved Chiropractor.  However, as long as I follow her treatment plan of exercise (uh…), Advil and wine (this is why I love her), I should not need a scooter for at least another five years.

But I am not going to lie, I am still tempted to get one for neighborhood parties.  I live in a hilly neighborhood; walking home in heels after a few cocktails is risky.  Can you get a SUI?  Scootering Under the Influence?

Categories: Humor Tags: , ,

Kids Christmas and Cocktail Pairings

December 10, 2010 17 comments

I had an epiphany tonight – I am a sommelier!  Just as a sommelier pairs the perfect wine with a great meal, I have the talent to match a cocktail to any kid Christmas event, well any event really, but let’s try to keep it seasonal people!

So here you go, the perfect holiday pairing list:

  • Getting a Christmas Tree
    • Straight Vodka (if you’re spouse is a perfectionist like mine)
  • Decorating the Christmas Tree
    • Hot Buttered Rum – you must get the seasonal stomach (aka gut) in training
  • Putting up Christmas Lights
    • Water – this was a test people! Roofs and liquor don’t mix
  • Watching The Polar Express with the kids
    • Bailey’s and Hot Cocoa – “Hot, hot, ooh we got it” (If this doesn’t make sense, you haven’t seen the movie, which means you’re getting coal in your stocking)
  • Kids School Christmas Pageant
    • Coffee and Peppermint Schnapps (people will think it’s coffee and gum)
  • Christmas Date Night with Your Spouse
  • Santa Run – Standing in the freezing a$% cold to watch firetrucks and Santa come through the neighborhood
    • Brandy – in the name of survival
  • Company Christmas Party
    • White wine if you’re smart, Goldschlager if you’re looking for a severance package to bank roll your kids’ gifts
  • Making a Gingerbread House
    • Egg Nog – When else do you make a house out of cookies and candy?  When else do you drink egg nog?
  • Christmas Caroling
    • Can’t help you here, you’d have to give me (or the people who would have to listen) the whole bar to get me to sing in public
  • Kids’ Cookie Decorating Party
    • Cranberry Margaritas – Kids, frosting and sprinkles, you may want just want a shot glass
  • Girl’s Christmas Happy Hour
    • Christmas Cosmos – Out of style? Maybe, but so are Christmas sweaters, and we’re rockin’ them!
  • Neighborhood Cocktail Party – Adult’s Only
    • This whole list.  Times two.
  • Christmas Brunch with Relatives
    • Mimosa – It ony takes a splash of orange juice to look civilized
  • Christmas Brunch with Friends
    • Bellini’s – Fun, sophisticated and unique – just like my friends, well most of them…
  • White Elephant Exchange
    • White Russians – I don’t know why, I just think it sounds like a good idea.  So it is.
  • Christmas Dinner
    • Wine – Prime Rib and Cabernet, yes please!
  • Christmas Dinner with In-Laws
    • Tequila – And that’s just Plan A…
  • After Christmas Sales
    • Bloody Marys – Kills the Christmas dinner hangover and gives you energy to shop

I hope this list gets you through the holidays.  At anytime you may substitute any drink for hot cocoa and Bailey’s. 

Okay, what event did I forget?  What’s your favorite Christmas Cocktail recipe?

Lessons Learned from a Pajama Party

December 6, 2010 7 comments

 Last week I attended a pajama exchange party.  Basically a bunch of women got together for wine, appetizers and a game of pajama exchange stealing. The evening was fun on so many levels.  Our hostess has a beautiful home with perfect decorations, she had delicious appetizers and never-ending wine.  (When will I learn that I always have one glass too many?)  I only knew half of the fabulous women before arriving, but loved the other half I met enough to friend them on Facebook.  I think this is rare.  Usually, you meet new people, enjoy chatting with them and don’t give it another thought.  I don’t know if it was the combination of wine and pajamas, but I am a fan of all of these gals.

AND, I went home with fabulous pajamas – deliciously soft light blue reindeer pants with a tank top that had a reindeer with a TIARA!  These pajamas were clearly designed for me.  Our hostess also gave us each a pair fo sexy underwear, which is great, because since becoming a mom, my underwear isn’t always sexy!

In addition to enjoying myself and drinking a tad more than I had planned, I also learned many valuable lessons.  Unfortunately, some of them are too delicate to share on my blog, but think of women, wine and sleepwear and imagine the conversations!  So here’s a few things I can pass on:

  • Comfort is more coveted than sex appeal.  All of the pajamas were beautiful, but some of the most fought over were the kind of thing you hate to take off even to wash!
  • When you hope to prevent your gift from being stolen, stuff it in your bra!
  • Not wearing underwear with a thick seamed pair of work-out pants might lead to pleasure… (note this is tamer than the lessons I can’t write about…)  I should also say that one piece of advice in particular was so appreciated by my husband that he encouraged me to spend much more time with this group of women!
  • Men mistake hot flashes for an invitation.  Just because the pajamas come off doesn’t mean…
  • Book clubs are not just for readers, some just come for the wine!
  • As I have said before, women will come up with any excuse to get together and drink.  (Hell, I have even met virtually with a group of writers while we tweeted and drank wine).

At this party we talked about putting together a book club that would meet at a nightclub (yes, really) and it got me to thinking, what other “reasons” could we come up with to get together, drink some wine and laugh like school girls? 

This is where you come in!  What ideas do you have for a female get togethers?  I am looking for something that sounds like it’s legitimate (so that husbands don’t think twice about watching the kids) like a book club, but can be done over cocktails.  I am also a fan of anything that fuels humor and over-sharing!

Laughing is good for the soul and alcohol is good for everything else!

7 Deadly Sins – Gluttony

November 25, 2010 7 comments

Happy Thanksgiving!

As I mentioned last night, I am going to do seven posts about my seven deadly sins.  Last night I covered vanity.  In honor of the tens of thousands of calories I plan to consume today, I am covering the second sin: gluttony.  Here are my seven guilty pleasures – narrowing it down to seven will be tough!

  1. C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E
  2. Wine
  3. Any cocktail with rum, but not Malibu rum – too sweet!
  4. Yellow cake with chocolate frosting
  5. Jaeger
  6. Carnitas
  7. Pizza and beer

And what makes me the most gluttonous?  That I would gladly attempt to eat and drink all of the above on the same day! 

I feel compelled to dedicate this post to several friends.  You know who you are and here’s why:

  • Most people think of Napa for its wine, but we know it’s just a beautiful food fest with wine on the side. 
  • CRACK CAKE!  This cake is more addictive than any drug I have ever heard of.
  • We won’t drink the whole bottle tonight… (famous last words about wine)
  • Hmmmm – the universal sound of gluttony.
  • She has hidden candy bars in her couch!  Really!

 

I’m Not in College Anymore

October 18, 2010 13 comments

Why do I have to keep reminding myself that I am a 33-year-old mother of two??  Why does it only take a couple of cocktails for me to think I still have the energy and liver of a college girl?  When will I learn the finer points of responsible drinking?

I spent yesterday recovering from an adult costume party on Saturday night.  It was a fun evening. I didn’t lose my shoes, throw-up or embarrass myself, but I still had to recover yesterday.  My synapses are still not firing correctly so I will try my best to sound  intelligent coherent as I share some lessons learned:

  • I made a pact that I would not do shots.  I should have stuck to that pact
  • Little shorts under my costume was my wisest move all night
  • There’s a reason they’re called Kamikazes
  • It is best not to meet new people when drinking, first impressions are tough if you can’t see clearly
  • Water is more effective when you drink it, not simply carry it around
  • Cameras should be banned after 10:00 pm
  • Safety pins can be the difference between cute and dramatically inappropriate costumes
  • Although you don’t feel the pain when someone steps on your foot with their high-heel at the moment, you will the next day
  • Sparkly eye makeup causes eye-twitching the next day
  • When attending a costume party, know that if a guy dressed as a sheriff has a patrol car, he might be legit

When was the last time you were reminded of your age?

Categories: Cocktails, Humor, Lists Tags: , ,

10 Reasons Mommy Loves Wine

September 23, 2010 4 comments

Mommy needs a glass...

This post is brought to you by Markham 2005 Petit Verdot 

So some crazy lady posed as me and wrote a post about breaking up with wine a while back!  Do not be alarmed, I have found said crazy person and contained her in a bottle with a good cork.  To cabernet, I mean commemorate my love of wine (proven by the fact that I have drank it 10 times in the last two weeks) I want to share with all of you some of the many reasons why I love wine: 

  1. All I have to do is un-cork a bottle to erase the longest of days.
  2. I don’t have to share it with my kids (unless I want them to sleep better).
  3. I feel sophisticated when I swirl it my glass (and I feel like a dumb-ass when it spills out).
  4. Wine goes good with my one true love: food.  Yes, any food.
  5. Wine and chocolate.  Period.
  6. Wine is complex, temperamental and will spoil if not cared for properly, just like me.
  7. The antioxidants in wine make me a better mom – it’s science people!
  8. Wine gets better with age, just like moms and children.
  9. Having a glass of wine to cope sounds more civilized than drinking rubbing alcohol.
  10. Wine doesn’t talk back, wet the bed or throw temper tantrums!

Cheers!

Cocktails and Passion, Hold the Books

September 13, 2010 11 comments

Since the beginning of time, women have had diversions: bridge club, garden club, Bunko, book club, and the myriad of at-home parties – Stella and Dot, Pampered Chef, Cookie Lee, Southern Living – you get the idea.  Let’s be honest: these are all excuses to get a few hours away from the kids, husbands, boyfriends, pets, whatever and enjoy some time with the girls. 

These events are a time to catch up on each others’ lives, share parenting horror stories and exchange beauty tips, recipes and laughs.   The theme, activity or reason for gathering is arbitrary, as long as we come together as women to blow off steam.  I remember my shock the first time I attended book club, with my book in hand, to find that half of the women don’t read the book and we rarely discuss it. (I, being an avid reader, was slightly disappointed, but the second cocktail made me feel better.)  In summary, our gatherings are the male equivalent of grabbing a beer after work (or so I suspect).

To my knowledge, all of these female gatherings include wine, cocktails or other appropriate alcohol (I’d go to Spanish Club if they served Sangria).  Maybe that’s just my group of friends, but I remember my grandmother pulling out the terrifying jug of Chablis (that poured like maple syrup…) to offer with the iced tea for her bridge club.  (Emily Post had nothing on those women who were steadfast enough to drink that with a polite smile).  Depending on if the gathering is day or evening dictates how much consumption is socially acceptable.  Occasionally, there is the added thrill of a gutsy gal exceeding the quota and being the entertainment for the evening.

This last Saturday night I attended a Passion Party.  This is the pinnacle of the secret female gatherings.  A consultant comes in to provide ideas and products to make life more interesting in the bedroom.  *If you are conservative, stop reading, but may I remind you that if you’re a mom, you likely had sex to have a baby and if you’re not a mom, your parents likely had sex to have you – get over it!

Glad you’re still with me.  But, lucky for you, the Grapefruit martinis make the evening just fuzzy enough not to articulate.  (But I do believe we made the party consultant blush with our comments!)  Therefore, if I am not going to provide details of the evening, why do I bring it up?  Because it highlights all that is perfect about girls evenings.  They are uninhibited, real and can bond perfect strangers. (I can now tell you – but I won’t – who has handcuffs in their homes and who is the most knowledgable about toys).  As women, we openly discuss menstruation, children’s’ poop and weight; how is sex any more taboo?  We are empowered to speak the alcohol induced truth and share our “wisdom”, humor and most embarrassing stories.  We laugh so hard we understand the importance of Kegel’s. 

After such an evening, we are rejuvenated – we have the smug smile of somebody holding a juicy secret and some of us anticipate the arrival of unmarked package, while dreading the visa bill.  For me, I felt more romantical (it’s my favorite made up word) towards my husband and was more patient with my children.  I feel closer to my girlfriends and somehow feel like a stronger woman in general.

So I am huge supporter of female gatherings and all the “secrets” shared there.  I also like pages 6-9 of the summer catalog, but that’s another story…

The 7 Deadly Sins of Parenting

September 9, 2010 1 comment

MSN did a piece yesterday about the Seven Deadly Sins .  It got me to thinking about my sins as a parent:

Lust:  With our busy schedules, traditional lust is not a daily occurrence around here.  However, I will admit to lusting after shoes and purses.  My shopping budget is about as scarce as lust, so I lust after the material things I gave up when I gave birth to the products of traditional lust.

Wrath: I have shared with you the dangers of the crazy mama bear.  They say there is no greater wrath/fury than a woman scorned.  Wrong!  There is no greater wrath than me if you so much as look at my children in a threatening way.  Only I can give them that look. 

Pride: This is practically a gimme for parents.  Have I told you my six-year-old and three-year old can water ski?  Yes, I have, but I’m glad to have the opportunity to tell you brag again.  I would post pictures of my kids to show the world how stinkin’ cute they are, but it goes back to that wrath and over-protective mama thing.  So, pride – check.

Greed: If honesty compensates for greed than let me be clear: I would love to be rich, but not famous.  I want enough money to choose my activities, to only work on things I am passionate about, to work less and enjoy life more.  But it’s not just money, I want more time too.  Time with the kids, time with my husband, time for myself, time for my friends.  Call me Veruca: I want more and I want it now.

Envy:  I envy moms (and dads) who appear to have more balance in their lives than me.  I say “appear” because if they are anything like me, you shouldn’t look behind their curtain either. 

Gluttony:  Covered that with my post about Mommy’s Hierarchy of Needs.  I use sweets and cocktails to achieve balance in my slightly off-balance life.  When I really want to show my kids how much I care for them I say, “I love you more than chocolate” and sometimes I mean it.

Sloth:  I have had 7 different posts that mention my inconsistent showering habits (really, I counted).  Sloth is practically my middle name!  I dare say I envy those who have more opportunities to be lazy than me.  Do I get double points for a sin about a sin?

Bringing little angels into the world drives us to commit sin on a daily basis.  Does that make me a great parent, a bad parent or just totally normal?

Mommy’s Hierarchy of Needs

September 8, 2010 3 comments

My husband walked into the kitchen after we put our kids to bed and found me serving up a bowl of ice cream and stealing part of my kids homemade ice cream sandwich.  He looked at me, recognized the seriousness of the situation and kept walking.  He knew his life was in jeopardy if he tried to stop me or reason with me.  He understands the “Mommy’s Hierarchy of Needs” based very loosely on the Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

Based on how tough of a day I have had, I have different needs for coping.  Here is the graphical representation:

As you can see, from the scientific diagram above, there are 5 levels of need.  Within each level, the amount needed to cope can vary based on the severity of the day.  Sweets is level one, but one M&M is a good day compared to a whole chocolate cake which is a catastrophic day.  The most rare and severe level is a shot.  If the day requires a shot, alternative child care should be arranged!

However, the pyramid can also represent exceptional days, where each level would denote the amount of celebration appropriate for the occasion.

With good days and bad days, levels can be combined to most accurately represent the situation and mommy’s psychological state.  For example, a shot and a cupcake means that the principal, poop and stitches were involved.

So as not to discriminate, I will put together Daddy’s Hierarchy of Needs in a future post.