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A Mother’s Day Drinking Song
If their library books are overdue,
If you’re shelling out the dough for soccer, ballet and Tai Kwon Do,
If you’re a mommy and you know it,
If CPS knows what your address is,
If you bribe to keep them quiet and lie to avoid a riot,
If you’re a mommy and you know it,
If homemade gifts have made you cry,
If you wouldn’t trade it all for a maid and the Taj Mahal,
If you’re a mommy and you know it,
If you know how lucky you are, to raise your little stars,
If you’re a mommy and you know it,
My Son Has Hallmark Beat
Yesterday was my birthday. When my husband woke up at 6:30 am to make me breakfast (I am a lucky girl), he found my six-year old son already awake, working hard on this:
It read:
“Dear mom, the hole family loves you, but the best part about you is eavin you loves yourself. You ceap M and I rilly safe in this house and we all love you, nomter what.”
“Happy Birthday MOM!”
“MOM you are a star.”
I love everything about this card, especially:
- The spontaneity, he did this on his own, without suggestion. He couldn’t sleep because he was excited to write it
- The fact that he values loving yourself. If I helped instilled that in him, I am thrilled.
- At an age where we discuss strangers, bad guys and monsters under the bed, he feels safe in his home.
- The statement, ‘I love you no matter what’ has stuck with him. I tell him this after I have to discipline him. It warms my heart that he heard me.
My son loves to write. He writes stories and illustrates them on his own. I love that he has a passion for writing.
I am humbled and touched that he so beautifully captured what I am trying to teach him. Knowing that my parenting efforts are reaching him is the best birthday present I could receive.
What’s the best birthday present you have received?
Valentine’s Fail or Is It?
I love Valentine’s Day.
I love donning an outfit of pink and red.
I love to pick out cards for my kids and my husband.
I love planning a special dinner and eating a decadent dessert.
I love attending my kids’ class parties.
I love my husband and my kids.
I love celebrating love.
But this year…
I love that I have a sinister cold.
I love that I have a zit between my nose and my upper lip from the lotion kleenex that hurts when I used it.
I love that my hair is dirty (and needs a color touch up), my nose is red and my Valentine’s Day outfit is grey sweats.
I love that the antibiotics are making me so sick that I will be having brown rice for dinner.
I love that my husband and I are cancelling our romantic dinner because I am too sick to enjoy it.
However…
I love that my husband bought cards for the kids from both of us, flowers for our nanny, flowers for our son’s teacher and cards for me, despite the fact that I did nothing.
I love that my son contorted himself into the shape of a heart when I told him he was my valentine.
I love that my daughter offered to share he prized chocolate heart with me because she loves me ( I let her keep it – yes I love her that much!)
I love that my kids had great Valentine’s Day despite my calamities.
I love that the perfect gift for my husband could be purchased next door to the pharmacy I went to this morning. (A little late, but gift and card acquired).
I love that my husband had Sherry’s Berries delivered to me at noon.
I love that he had roses delivered to me at 4:30.
I love that he loves me despite my mucous, upset stomach and many short-comings.
I love being married to a man who loves to love, loves unconditionally and knows chocolate cures almost everything.
I love being this lucky.
What I’ll Miss When My Kids Grow Up
I was exhausted last night. I did another marathon post-bedtime poop party with my daughter. I swear she poops at will and her will is AFTER I have put her to bed. She pulls the poop card to get out of bed and hang out. She sits on the potty for 30 minutes and somehow pulls poop out of her ass little touchy literally and figuratively. It doesn’t matter if she has pooped twice already during the day. Come 8:30 pm, she waltzes in for her poop party. Did I mention she likes me to hold her hands to help “push the big poop out”. (I know, I am a sucker). So I sit, on the bathroom floor, holding my daughter’s hands while she talks to me, gets me to sing “There’s a Whole In My Bucket” and pushes out the poop.
Last night nearly killed me. I was tired, had a horrible headache and today is the first day back to work and school. As I sat there fuming, she bent over and kissed my forehead. In that moment, I pulled it together and reminded myself that despite the trials of parenthood, there are some amazing parts too.
I am writing myself a list of the things I will miss when my kids are all grown up, so that I don’t take these precious moments for granted. It is my intent to refer to this list when I am tempted to daydream about fast-forwarding to the part where they are grown up and out of the house.
Here’s a start:
- Falling asleep cuddled up with them
- Waking up to kisses on my nose
- Receiving hugs that nearly knock me over
- Spontaneous and surprise art projects
- Hearing the giggles from the other room when they are playing well together
- Hearing them running through the hall to come see me when they get home from school
- “I love you Mommy”
- “Mommy, will you snuggle me?”
- Watching their excitement at Christmas
- Seeing them accomplish a goal for the first time – waterskiing, a soccer goal, a somersault
- Seeing their eyes light up when something delights them
- Cute mispronunciation of words
- Eskimo kisses
- Butterfly kisses
Clearly, this list could go on forever. Just starting this list has put me back in my zen mommy place. It’s only breakfast, so who knows how long it will last, but I can always work on this list some more if when they dump their cereal on the floor.
What will you miss?
Kids Christmas and Cocktail Pairings
I had an epiphany tonight – I am a sommelier! Just as a sommelier pairs the perfect wine with a great meal, I have the talent to match a cocktail to any kid Christmas event, well any event really, but let’s try to keep it seasonal people!
So here you go, the perfect holiday pairing list:
- Getting a Christmas Tree
- Straight Vodka (if you’re spouse is a perfectionist like mine)
- Decorating the Christmas Tree
- Hot Buttered Rum – you must get the seasonal stomach (aka gut) in training
- Putting up Christmas Lights
- Water – this was a test people! Roofs and liquor don’t mix
- Watching The Polar Express with the kids
- Bailey’s and Hot Cocoa – “Hot, hot, ooh we got it” (If this doesn’t make sense, you haven’t seen the movie, which means you’re getting coal in your stocking)
- Kids School Christmas Pageant
- Coffee and Peppermint Schnapps (people will think it’s coffee and gum)
- Christmas Date Night with Your Spouse
- Snow Job (this one is for you Pajama Girls!)
- Santa Run – Standing in the freezing a$% cold to watch firetrucks and Santa come through the neighborhood
- Brandy – in the name of survival
- Company Christmas Party
- White wine if you’re smart, Goldschlager if you’re looking for a severance package to bank roll your kids’ gifts
- Making a Gingerbread House
- Egg Nog – When else do you make a house out of cookies and candy? When else do you drink egg nog?
- Christmas Caroling
- Can’t help you here, you’d have to give me (or the people who would have to listen) the whole bar to get me to sing in public
- Kids’ Cookie Decorating Party
- Cranberry Margaritas – Kids, frosting and sprinkles, you may want just want a shot glass
- Girl’s Christmas Happy Hour
- Christmas Cosmos – Out of style? Maybe, but so are Christmas sweaters, and we’re rockin’ them!
- Neighborhood Cocktail Party – Adult’s Only
- This whole list. Times two.
- Christmas Brunch with Relatives
- Mimosa – It ony takes a splash of orange juice to look civilized
- Christmas Brunch with Friends
- Bellini’s – Fun, sophisticated and unique – just like my friends, well most of them…
- White Elephant Exchange
- White Russians – I don’t know why, I just think it sounds like a good idea. So it is.
- Christmas Dinner
- Wine – Prime Rib and Cabernet, yes please!
- Christmas Dinner with In-Laws
- Tequila – And that’s just Plan A…
- After Christmas Sales
- Bloody Marys – Kills the Christmas dinner hangover and gives you energy to shop
I hope this list gets you through the holidays. At anytime you may substitute any drink for hot cocoa and Bailey’s.
Okay, what event did I forget? What’s your favorite Christmas Cocktail recipe?
Lust
This is the grand finale of the Seven Deadly Sins Challenge. I am asked to provide seven love secrets. This is a PG-13 blog on its raciest days and does not necessarily reflect my wild side, but here are seven love secrets.
- My husband and I had sex in a room full of people (watching a loud movie in the dark) without anyone knowing. College or post-college – you decide…
- When my son was 14 months, we were on vacation in Hawaii.
My husbandI got the tropical itch and persuaded my husband to have sex while our son was in his crib. He woke up and yelled, “Daddy, no!” Game Over! - Every guy I know has the same dream – trifecta. If you can’t figure it out, I can’t tell you. No, it’s not a threesome.
- I still wear my wedding night lingerie every year on our anniversary.
- My husband and I have a code word for oral sex (no, not going to tell). I let it slip once with some girlfriends and now this common phrase gets me into all sorts of laughter and trouble.
- The lock on our bedroom door doesn’t work. Now that our son is older, we often use a chair to block the door, just in case.
- 6:00 pm is my hot time. It makes cooking dinner with my husband fun, but leads nowhere with two hungry children.
As I am writing this, I am trying to think of all the people I know who read this. I am hoping to not forget the one person I wouldn’t want to look in the eye when I realize they know some of these things. Oh well, that would be a blog post in itself!
I told you mine, now tell me yours!
Might I recommend a bigger blanket for privacy...
You Could Be A Smile Maker
I know so many people having a tough week and it is only Wednesday. I have friends who are sick, ending relationships, struggling financially, praying for a miracle, hoping for a baby, grieving over the death of a friend or just plain burned out. As I said, it’s been a tough week. Like the people in my thoughts, we all need a little extra TLC sometimes.
My week will feel better if I can brighten someone else’s day. So here’s a few of the people I think are amazing:
- If you’re one of those mentioned above you’re in my thoughts and prayers more than you know. I am humbled by your grace and perseverance.
- My children’s teachers and caregiver – you are like miracle grow mixed with pixie dust!
- My kids – you know when to not push me any further (dinner last night) and you back pedal with giggles, hugs and kisses.
- My husband – words cannot describe.
- My fellow bloggers and writers – I have never met most of you but you motivate me and inspire me.
- My friends – you keep me balanced, you’re there when I cry, you make me laugh and you don’t blackmail me.
- Those who spend their time helping others.
- Anyone who shows kindness to a stranger – this truly makes the world better.
So here’s your challenge – tell someone they’re amazing. Write it, say it, sing it, do an interpretive dance. Just make the week better by making someone else smile, I bet you’ll smile too.
I Choose
- I choose balance
- I choose to be kind to myself
- I choose to hold my tongue and not try to “set somebody else straight”
- I choose to look for the good in a day and the good in a person
- I choose to smile at strangers and sometimes even help them
- I choose to give an empathetic smile to a mom with a screaming child
- I choose to work and be a mom
- I choose to put my family first, usually
- I choose to parent like Child Protective Services is watching
- I choose to love
I don’t make these great choices everyday, but when I don’t, I choose to try again tomorrow.
What do you choose?
My Better Half
My husband left for a business trip this morning. He was gone before the sun came up. My daughter had me up from 2:30 to 4:30 am and I was trying to catch a few extra winks when my husband called to say good morning and make sure I got up okay. He was worried that he had not re-set the alarm clock, although unbeknownst to him, I had set my own alarm. So I drug myself out of bed and started the morning routine. When I walked into the kitchen, he had laid out my son’s lunch bag, put out everything for his lunch that didn’t need to be kept cold (down to the knife to make his sandwich) and arranged his homework. This was such a sweet gesture, but I wasn’t shocked…
My husband is better at… well everything sometimes. He gets up (usually before me), gets our son dressed, packs his lunch and starts breakfast. He does the laundry, the grocery shopping and the cooking. He volunteers in my son’s class twice per month and helps coach his sports. He has tea parties with our 3-year old daughter and knows my son’s weekly spelling words better than me every week. Oh yeah, and he’s the bread-winner.
There are days when I definitely feel like the lesser half. This is not because of anything my husband says or does, but just because I have a nasty habit of keeping score when I am losing. (Ironically, I don’t keep score when I am ahead). I often jokingly say, “What do I bring to the marriage?” But those are thought for another day.
Today, I want to celebrate and appreciate having a better half. I have shared in a previous post that he is my best friend. I am so fortunate to have a husband who is my partner in all of this chaos. He keeps me as balanced as I can be (which is still off-balance). My kids are lucky to have a dad that is not solely devoted to his career. Our family and our life works because my husband is great. People often ask how we juggle two careers, two kids and still appear it to have it together most of the time. The answer is often simple: I have a better half!
Cocktails and Passion, Hold the Books
Since the beginning of time, women have had diversions: bridge club, garden club, Bunko, book club, and the myriad of at-home parties – Stella and Dot, Pampered Chef, Cookie Lee, Southern Living – you get the idea. Let’s be honest: these are all excuses to get a few hours away from the kids, husbands, boyfriends, pets, whatever and enjoy some time with the girls.
These events are a time to catch up on each others’ lives, share parenting horror stories and exchange beauty tips, recipes and laughs. The theme, activity or reason for gathering is arbitrary, as long as we come together as women to blow off steam. I remember my shock the first time I attended book club, with my book in hand, to find that half of the women don’t read the book and we rarely discuss it. (I, being an avid reader, was slightly disappointed, but the second cocktail made me feel better.) In summary, our gatherings are the male equivalent of grabbing a beer after work (or so I suspect).
To my knowledge, all of these female gatherings include wine, cocktails or other appropriate alcohol (I’d go to Spanish Club if they served Sangria). Maybe that’s just my group of friends, but I remember my grandmother pulling out the terrifying jug of Chablis (that poured like maple syrup…) to offer with the iced tea for her bridge club. (Emily Post had nothing on those women who were steadfast enough to drink that with a polite smile). Depending on if the gathering is day or evening dictates how much consumption is socially acceptable. Occasionally, there is the added thrill of a gutsy gal exceeding the quota and being the entertainment for the evening.
This last Saturday night I attended a Passion Party. This is the pinnacle of the secret female gatherings. A consultant comes in to provide ideas and products to make life more interesting in the bedroom. *If you are conservative, stop reading, but may I remind you that if you’re a mom, you likely had sex to have a baby and if you’re not a mom, your parents likely had sex to have you – get over it!
Glad you’re still with me. But, lucky for you, the Grapefruit martinis make the evening just fuzzy enough not to articulate. (But I do believe we made the party consultant blush with our comments!) Therefore, if I am not going to provide details of the evening, why do I bring it up? Because it highlights all that is perfect about girls evenings. They are uninhibited, real and can bond perfect strangers. (I can now tell you – but I won’t – who has handcuffs in their homes and who is the most knowledgable about toys). As women, we openly discuss menstruation, children’s’ poop and weight; how is sex any more taboo? We are empowered to speak the alcohol induced truth and share our “wisdom”, humor and most embarrassing stories. We laugh so hard we understand the importance of Kegel’s.
After such an evening, we are rejuvenated – we have the smug smile of somebody holding a juicy secret and some of us anticipate the arrival of unmarked package, while dreading the visa bill. For me, I felt more romantical (it’s my favorite made up word) towards my husband and was more patient with my children. I feel closer to my girlfriends and somehow feel like a stronger woman in general.
So I am huge supporter of female gatherings and all the “secrets” shared there. I also like pages 6-9 of the summer catalog, but that’s another story…
Pay It Forward
Slightly Off-Balance 
