Archive

Archive for the ‘Cocktails’ Category

3 Things Every Mommy Needs

April 25, 2012 7 comments

Today was one of those days.  I didn’t sleep well last night, thanks to an adorable, yet snoring child in my bed.  It was grey and drizzling outside and frankly, I am pms’ing (apologies to my male readers).  My plan was to go inward metaphorically.  I would hide from the world and maybe even skip yoga because it’s just a crummy day. 

Then I got a text from a friend that she’s having a tough week too.  I decided the best way I could support her and anyone else having a tough day was to dust off the blog (Oh my! Does anyone have an extra feather duster and some Pledge, because I have been gone too long!) and share the 3 things every mommy woman person needs.  Hopefully, you all know what you need, but consider this a reminder, permission or just a loving nudge to be good to yourself!

  1. The Real Story – You are awesome, without having to be perfect.  Nobody is perfect.  If you are, please don’t tell me, I am fragile today.  Here’s my shining examples of not being perfect-
  • Every mom feels guilt.  We were tired so we only read the top sentence of every page of our child’s book (sadly when they learn to read, I have to find other ways to cheat).  We tell our kids we left their favorite movie at a friends’ house so we don’t have to hear it AGAIN.  (Notice I say hear, because I am guilty of not even watching it)!  We pick going to get a massage over watching a ballet practice.  I think I have said enough to win mother of the year, I am moving on…
  • Every mom yells.  Our preschool teacher is amazing, like off the charts patient, kind and creative.  AND she has FOUR kids!  FOUR!  She was recently asked, do you ever raise your voice and she said of course she does.  If she says she does, than I know its okay that I do!  That is one benefit of rainy days, I know my windows are closed so that my neighbors can’t hear me yelling!
  • Every mom gets behind on housework.  A note to the working moms – the stay at home moms have laundry piling up too!  Even the cleanest houses and those with cleaning ladies have their bad days! (My blog isn’t the only thing that needs dusting…)  You can’t perpetually hide the kids’ toys, husband’s junk or pet paraphernalia!

2. Vices

  • Pick your poison.  We all have our coping mechanism alcohol, caffeine, sugar, carbs.  Okay, I pick all of them!  There may be people out there who don’t need any of those, but I am not confident enough to be friends with somebody like that, so I choose to think we all have our vices.  One mocha Prozac vodka latte please –with whip!
  • Pick your distraction.  TV (Somebody should give the Nobel Peace prize to the inventor of DVR, because that person keeps the peace in my house), books (Have you read 50 Shades of Grey?!), magazines (I get more than I have time to read, but it’s comforting to know they are there to fill my head with gossip, recipes, fashion and homemaking!).  What’s your distraction?
  • Pick your escape. Book club, bunko, mom’s group – these all could be bucketed as an excuse to get together and drink wine. Yoga – hmm, add wine and it might be utopia…  The point is to find a way to blow off steam and smile!

3. Friendship

  • The sounding board. You know, the one you call and say, “I am going to kill my kids”, but she doesn’t call CPS (although you might appreciate if she did). Or the one you can call and say “should I be mad at my husband for …”.  Or the one you tell, “I really need to pull it together” and she tells you that you don’t have to.
  • The one that takes the high road.  Just like we need the in-your-corner (even if it’s the corner of crazy and whack job) friend, we need the one who puts it in perspective, plays devil advocate and tries to make you a better person.  Let’s be honest, we only call that friend when we’re not afraid of heights.  But when we’re capable, the high road reminds us that there are people with bigger problems and helps us find gratitude for our blessed lives.  She is also not a mind-reader, so when you tell her to “F” off in your head, she probably can’t hear you, I don’t think…
  • The vice connection.  She is my personal favorite. When the going gets tough, the tough get cocktails and she’s the gal stirring the drinks!  She’ll split the whole chocolate cake with you and insist on opening the second bottle of wine.  Who can have bad day while in a sugar induced coma?

The moral of the story- There is someone with a messier house, a shittier day and no wine in the fridge.  Call the friend you need, meet her for yoga and have a snickers and cabernet on stand-by.  You deserve it.  Yes, you!

Beer and Poptarts

June 1, 2011 6 comments

I am a professional.  I am a mother.  I am human and need a coping mechanism, for life’s normal stresses.  I have tried cocktails, sweets, exercise, retail therapy, gossip, movies and have done many of these things at the same time!

Below are a few words of wisdom that I either personally learned or discovered through a friend.  Stress is unavoidable, but follow these lessons to get the most goodness and least ill-effects form a popular mommy coping method – cocktails!

  1. Beer and Poptarts will cure a hangover brought on by Jager and Root Beer
  2. If you run our of shot glasses, a belly button makes a good substitute
  3. Using reusable ice cubes is far more acceptable than putting ice that can melt into your white wine
  4. If you suspect your friend is drunk, but there is no alcohol in sight, give her a second hug and take a deep breath.  You can’t hide the smell.
  5. If you stupidly decide to give up alcohol during the week unless you’re with friends, start returning dishes, kids clothes or anything else you can find.  When they invite you in for glass of wine, it would be rude to say no…
  6. Liquor is a requirement for karaoke, either for the singer or the listeners, but everyone can’t be sober.
  7. Wine doesn’t have to be expensive to be effective.

What lessons can you share?

Mechanical Bulls, Mullets and Friends

March 29, 2011 16 comments

This last weekend, after having sushi with friends, we decided to go the Saloon in town.  I love saying this, because I am hoping it conjures up images of me living in Texas and wearing some sassy boots.  I really do live in the suburbs, but we do have a saloon with a mechanical bull.

After running up a bill that was more Sapporo than sushi (and it was a lot of sushi), we headed over to the Saloon.  As some of you may know, I am all for an adventure.  Before we even left the parking lot of the sushi restaurant, my husband was making me swear I would not ride the mechanical bull.  We were placing bets in the parking lot on who would ride and my husband kept reminding me that I am already a frequent visitor to the chiropractor and a bull ride would not help.  I do not think it is appropriate to bring up my aging, frail body on my birthday.

Upon arriving, I felt like the bull was calling my name, my friends were trying to talk me into it and my husband was giving me the look of, ‘I will not give you sympathy or pay for the massages’.  We decided two other friends would ride, but I would at least get on for a picture.  Only I couldn’t even get on by myself.  Maybe it was the Sapporo or the high-heeled boots, or the Sapporo, but it took the help of a friend to even get me on – it was clear riding would not go any better.  Rather I was a passionate spectator.

The only thing that could steal my attention was the 80’s band setting up.  One of the guys had a mullet and the female lead definitely rocked the 80’s – hard!  I was instantly enamored!  I was the first one on the dance floor – inappropriately early.  I drug my tolerant friends and two perfect strangers out with me.  Is there anything better than listening to an 80’s band in a Saloon, with fantastic, indulgent friends?

Well yes, let me suggest some improvements:

  • They didn’t know any Bon Jovi songs.  There should be a law that states that if you have a mullet, you know Bon Jovi songs.
  • I am too old to dance with such enthusiasm (think hamming it up – combination swing dancing and jazzercise) in high-heeled boots.  My shins, calves and ankles are still recovering.  I should have taken the boots off earlier.
  • If you can’t remember how many beers you had at dinner, don’t drink seven captain and diets at the saloon, even if you are making up for Lent.
  • When everyone wants to leave, do not explain to your husband that the two nice women you met on the dance floor can bring you home later.
  • We should have used a camera that didn’t create the devil eyes, but it’s almost fitting because I felt like the devil had strapped me to a mechanical bull and done his worst the next morning…

Yes, my friend in the picture had to help me up AND hold me up, I would have surely fallen off the back!

What Was I Thinking?!

March 23, 2011 8 comments

What?  Where is Wine Wednesday you ask?  Well, let me tell you-

Lent is hard!  The Girl Scout Cookie deliveries, the dinner parties with margaritas, the wine book club meetings, the post t-ball practice beers (wow, yes, we have a drink for every occasion) and I CAN’T HAVE ANY OF IT!

We went to a dinner party on the first Sunday of Lent and I lapsed into vice exchange.  For those of you not familiar with this proven phenomenon.  If you give up one vice, you find another.  On the first Sunday of Lent, I traded booze and sweets for a pound of tortilla chips.  Okay, a pound may not be accurate, two pounds!  I woke up the next morning parched and feeling like I had been drinking out of the ocean.

So I did the logical thing- I gave up tortilla chips too.

To summarize: no sweets, no booze, no chips = STUPIDITY.

What was I thinking?!

But I will not quit, I will not edit my Lenten promise.  But I may be in a straight jacket by Easter!

So, no, there will be no more Wine Wednesdays during Lent, because frankly, I am not that big of a person to write about things I love, but cannot have.

I am, however, an optimist and on the bright side: I have lost 5 pounds!  Go ahead and place your bets on how fast I will put that back on. (Hint: Easter Sunday would be a safe bet)

A Man and His Drink

March 7, 2011 13 comments
While I was off (and by off I mean away and offf-balance) on a business trip, I asked A Diary of a Mad Woman to provide the scientific analysis of what a man’s beverage of choice says about his personality.  She never disappoints.  Without further ado, here it is – a man and his drink:
 
My research began in college. I was bartending and minoring in Psychology so was I primed to observe the male drinker in his natural habitat.  There are almost as many classifications of men as there are drinks but since this is only one post, I’ll try to narrow it down for you.

Let’s start with any easy one:
The party animal can down a pitcher of cheap suds before you can say Natural Light. He’s also most likely to end up working construction, building his beer belly faster than he builds houses.

Then you have the more sophisticated beer drinker. He’s tested the waters/taps/breweries and discovered a taste for the subtleties of a well brewed stout, pilsner or bock.  This guy is a thinker, maybe a little staid but more likely to be able to carry on a conversation well into his third or fourth tankard.

How about those scotch drinkers? Talk about your somber character! He’s probably a silent drunk, never letting you into his mind, unless it’s to spout his opinion on politics. Also, more often a taker or a bore in bed.

A straight man who prefers to drink white wine needs to do some soul searching about his sexuality. Seriously.

Fruity concoctions? If not consumed on the beach or vacation, see my notes on white wine drinkers.  Exception to this rule: Margarita and sangria drinkers.  They know what they like and are confident in their manhood. Also, they know how to please a lady or look really good in their swim trunks.

Oh, you’re wondering about doing shots? Come on, that’s just a guy who’s late to the party and trying to catch up. He’s also more likely to pass out on you before getting down to business, if you know what I’m saying..

Of course there are exceptions to every rule and people do change. A certain gentleman, who will remain nameless, recently admitted to drinking Zimas. But I’d like to think he has redeeming qualities.

And yes, I’m happy to make sweeping unfounded generalizations about your guy too.

The Mad Woman behind the Blog
 
Twitter: Madsbloggingmom

What Your Beverage Says About You

February 24, 2011 10 comments

My friend over at A Diary of a Mad Woman was discussing how she identified her future husband in part by his choice of beers. (Ask me how much I love this!)  We started chatting back and forth and I decided to amuse you with my ultra scientific analysis of what your beverage of choice says about you.

This analysis is just for fun.  I am not a psychiatrist, bartender or any other kind of expert.  But I am blatant abuser of stereotypes and generalizations! 

Wine – Your goal is to remain in control or at least appear to be trying. You’re sophisticated and you have a keen understanding of what you want out of life.  I know this because you have taken the time to figure out if you’re a cab girl or a Pinot girl.  

Champagne – You fall into one of two camps – crazy like my friend Sarah who can drink six bottles in an evening or somebody who enjoys parties, celebrations and savoring important moments.  You may or may not scrapbook.

Jagermeister – You are a good time and we should hang out.  I am teased for my love of Jager, but I seem to have a better tolerance for that than champagne, so for me it’s the responsible party drink what I choose when I am looking to go big! 

Jack Daniels – Damn girl, you’re hard-core and can hang with boys.  I am in awe of you and slightly afraid of you.

Spiced Rum – Captain Morgan and Sailor Jerry are my boyfriends.  If you like the spiced rum, you are my sister and love to have a good time.  You like Jimmy Buffet and vacations in the sun!

Martinis – It really depends on what kind. 

  • If you drink a classic martini, you are sophisticated, classy and therefore I have never met you.  I suspect you are smart, powerful and own several Hermes scarves. 
  • If you drink dirty martinis – do I even have to explain this one?! 
  • If you drink Cosmopolitan’s you love girls’ night out and have a romantic side.

Margaritas – You are fun!  You love the summertime, sunshine and get-togethers with friends.  You are easy-going but know what you like.  I have never met a margarita drinker I didn’t like.

Beer – This is another one that depends on the type of beer. 

  • If you drink Guinness or Guinness blends (like black and tans) you are a guys girl and like sports. 
  • If you drink Coors Light, you are a classic.  If you’re a true fan of the silver bullet, you have multiple uses for duct tape.  Either way, you’re fun and easy-going.
  • If you drink Corona or Pacifico – see Margarita and call me!
  • If you drink any other beer, you’re a bit of an aficionado and I would need to break down your personality further in a separate consultation.  But I am willing, just tell me what bar we’re meeting at.

Vodka – You vodka drinkers are a mixed bag because there are so many different ways to consume the vodka. 

  • You could be one of the sturdy ones who can drink without ever falling down or making an ass of herself.  These vodka drinkers are independent, loyal and wise. 
  • Or you could be the train wreck who typically drinks to the point of disaster.  You are a ton of fun until the wheels come off the track.  You’re personality is a little hard to pin down, but it involves a wide range of emotions. 
  • Or you could be the unpredictable vodka drinker who waffles between civilized and intelligent and lunatic.  You’re a hoot to place bets on!  You’re fun, sweet and a little off-balance.
  • Then there are the rest of the vodka drinkers, I need to conduct more research on this population.

Trendy Drinker – Then there is the girl who knows the latest it cocktail.  Past trendy drinks have been the Bellini, the Cosmo, the Mojito, the Pomegranate Martini, the Jalapeno Martini and many more that I am not trendy enough to know.  You have a great eye for fashion, a great job, a rich partner or high credit card balance.   You also know the hottest spots to drink the trendiest cocktails.

I have drunk all of the above and have a little of all most of the above personalities, so again for humor, not criticism.  How did I do?  Do you agree?  Disagree?  Want to fight it out over happy hour?

For my male readers, if you comment on this post that you want me to write the male version I will.  If you think you can handle it…

Tribute to My Corkscrew

February 2, 2011 16 comments
You were a wonderful gift on the day of our wedding.
I opened you and knew where this relationship was heading.
 
A Screwpull Elegance Lever Model design
Made of metal and smarter than that dumb guy Einstein.
 
There wasn’t a bottle of wine or cork that you feared
You had great reviews and were truly revered.
 
We hit it off instantly, due to your skillful ways
I could work you bottle after bottle, without issue, for days.
 
You would never falter, I knew you wouldn’t fail
From Cakebread to Margaux to Merryvale.
 
You impressed the wine snobs and the corkscrew challenged
A replacement was never needed or scavenged.
 
You came with us each time that we moved homes
We brought you on vacation, never left you alone.
 
You were more than a tool, you were a close friend.
I thought are affair would never come to an end.
 
And then one day you stuck and required more force.
As I watched your demise, I become distraught of course.
 
I thought no one could ever fill your utilitarian shoes
I instantly started singing the dying corkscrew blues.
 
I knew not how long our partnership would last
Our days were numbered with every glass.
 
Then came the Syrah that broke you apart
When you jammed for good, it broke my heart.
 
Our substitute opener could not measure up
The time had come for me to act like a grownup-
 
To give up drinking wine, ha, you must be on glue
I jumped on the internet to find one just like you.
 
What? What? This could not be true.
You’re no longer made, well who can I sue?
 
But alas, I found a place that knows you are hailed
If I paid through the nose, your replacement will be mailed.
 
I did what I must, I paid the ransom they required
And in return I will get the Screwpull I desired.
 
It won’t be the same as what you and I had
But it will open the wine that I need so bad.
 
So the next glass we’ll toast you and your skill
I’ll never forget you, um… I probably will.