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Posts Tagged ‘Christmas’

The (Off-Balance) Day Before Christmas

December 24, 2011 2 comments

I can’t really top last year’s Christmas Eve post, or at least can’t unbury from wrapping paper and ribbons to try, so here is a re-post of the Off-Balance Day Before Christmas.

Twas the day before Christmas when all through the house,
Not a clean spot could be found, not even an ounce.
 
The stockings were hung by the chimney with haste,
In hopes that I’d buy stuff before it’s too late.
 
With me in my flannels and Chris in his boxers,
We were sure not an ad for Gap or Brooks Brothers.
 
When what to my wandering mind should appear?
The realization that Christmas is near!
 
There were presents to wrap and groceries to buy.
Would I be done in time? Not sure.  No lie.
 
Eight people for dinner, do we have enough wine?
I ran out of butter and must stand in line.
 
The children were plotting all smug under their beds.
In hopes of ensuring I would snap, lose my head.
 
They bickered and fought, Santa threats had gone stale.
Should I send their gifts back through priority mail?
 
I must clean, wrap and cook all day and all night.
With enough caffeine and yelling, it’ll be alright.
 
When I pull off Martha Stewart Christmas you’ll know.
Despite all the chaos, I put on a hell of a show!
 
So as you scurry and prep, know you’re not the only one.
Merry Christmas to you and I hope you have fun!
 
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The (Off-Balance) Day Before Christmas

December 24, 2010 4 comments
Twas the day before Christmas when all through the house,
Not a clean spot could be found, not even an ounce.
 
The stockings were hung by the chimney with haste,
In hopes that I’d buy stuff before it’s too late.
 
With me in my flannels and Chris in his boxers,
We were sure not an ad for Gap or Brooks Brothers.
 
When what to my wandering mind should appear?
The realization that Christmas is near!
 
There were presents to wrap and groceries to buy.
Would I be done in time? Not sure.  No lie.
 
Eight people for dinner, do we have enough wine?
I ran out of butter and must stand in line.
 
The children were plotting all smug under their beds.
In hopes of ensuring I would snap, lose my head.
 
They bickered and fought, Santa threats had gone stale.
Should I send their gifts back through priority mail?
 
I must clean, wrap and cook all day and all night.
With enough caffeine and yelling, it’ll be alright.
 
When I pull off Martha Stewart Christmas you’ll know.
Despite all the chaos, I put on a hell of a show!
 
So as you scurry and prep, know you’re not the only one.
Merry Christmas to you and I hope you have fun!

The 12 Pounds of Christmas

December 16, 2010 24 comments

I am Paige and I have a problem.  My vices have become so debilitating that I cannot make it two hours, TWO HOURS, without chocolate or some Christmas treat!  And every night presents a new reason to drink.  (Okay, I can find a reason every night to have a glass of wine, but I’m talking about really good reasons like Christmas parties, holiday traditions and my feet were cold.)

So here it is – my 12 pounds of Christmas:

  1. The kids made peppermint bark. What kind of mother would I be if I didn’t eat it and tell them how yummy it was.
  2. Every year we have our favorite toffee shipped from Colorado.  WE ONLY GET IT ONCE PER YEAR – of course I ate it – I had to before my husband did.
  3. I attended my work holiday luncheon and drank white wine – hey it paired nicely with the heavy cream bisque. 
  4. After the lunch we had a morale event that was bartending lessons (and tasting) – it was a morale event, I had to participate. 
  5. Following bartending, we had an after party at another bar.  I am on the leadership team, I had to drink to make others feel like it was ok.  But because I am a manager, I didn’t want people getting too drunk, so I ordered everyone a bunch of pizzas.  I had to eat them too- you can’t have management passing out drunk.
  6. We watched Polar Express as a family – the kids drank cocoa, I drank cocoa and Bailey’s.  It’s a requirement.
  7. The kids made sugar cookies – again with the good mother thing.
  8. We made gingerbread houses – I had to “clean up” the left over frosting.
  9. One of the neighbors brought over chocolate covered pretzels – nobody can say I am a bad neighbor, I ate the pretzels.
  10. The kids made those peanut butter cookies with the Hershey kisses.  AND they used dark chocolate – my favorite.  Being such a fantastic mom to my lil’ bakers is becoming a problem.
  11. We had dinner at a friend’s house, they poured cocktails, I didn’t want to be a rude, so I drank three.
  12. We stood out in the cold to watch Santa come through the neighborhood on a fire truck, it was cold, I needed to stay warm, I prefer liquid heat.

So as you can see, in the spirit of giving, because I am a giver, and in the spirit of the holidays, I have done my duty as a mother, friend, neighbor, boss and employee.  I have eaten and drank nightly and CHRISTMAS IS STILL OVER A WEEK AWAY!  Does this mean I’ll stop now before Christmas?  Uh, no!  I want to be on Santa’s good list, and judging from his belly he rewards those who selflessly indulge, like me, over those who turn their back on holiday traditions.  At the rate I am going, I am pretty sure Santa is bringing me diamonds and a new car.

Eat, drink and be merry!

 

Pictures with Santa Fail

December 13, 2010 14 comments

We are dashing through the snow our Christmas checklist of things to do with the kids during the holiday season.  Yesterday we hung up the Christmas lights outside and last night was the night to go take pictures with Santa.

Pictures with Santa is not one of my favorite activities: the waiting, the screaming kids, the germs – and that is before we even leave the house!  But, we have to pay our $20 for our 3 x 5 picture that proves we love our kids.  But this year was going to be fun, we had a plan…

We had dinner with a few friends and then raced around dressing the kids so that people would think my children regularly wore ironed, button-down shirts and poofy dresses.  I went to put on my daughter’s black tights and discovered I had brought footless leggings, so I pulled them down over her heels and shoved the ends into the toes of her black Mary Jane’s.  “But mommy, this is not how they work,” exclaimed my exasperated daughter.  “I know sweetie, but Mommy is silly and  we don’t want you to look goofy (I almost said stupid and caught myself) in your picture.”  I think the desperation in my voice and the rushing around of the other moms convinced my daughter to just go with it.

We packed the kids into the cars and headed off to see the big man.  As we were driving there, one of my friends said, “I didn’t think  to call to see what time the mall closes on a Sunday”.  It was 5:55 pm so I knew we were safe, no self-respecting mall closed before 9:00 pm this close to Christmas.

We pulled into the mall, congratulating ourselves for deciding to go on a Sunday night since there were far fewer cars in the parking lot.  We got the kids out of the car and somehow made it through the parking lot without losing anyone.  The kids were running around like someone had given them a Santa size portion of cocoa and I figured letting them run a bit before hitting the picture line would help preserve my last holiday nerve.

We opened the door to the mall… wait, why is it not opening?  They lock one of the doors?  All the doors are locked?  What the holly?  What time does the fa la la la la mall close?! 

6:00 pm.

My kids now have a picture in their Christmas finest in front of Coca-Cola machine – hey, at least it’s red and white!

Tell me about one your holiday mishaps.  I’ll either learn from your mistake or repeat it on purpose.

 

Kids Christmas and Cocktail Pairings

December 10, 2010 17 comments

I had an epiphany tonight – I am a sommelier!  Just as a sommelier pairs the perfect wine with a great meal, I have the talent to match a cocktail to any kid Christmas event, well any event really, but let’s try to keep it seasonal people!

So here you go, the perfect holiday pairing list:

  • Getting a Christmas Tree
    • Straight Vodka (if you’re spouse is a perfectionist like mine)
  • Decorating the Christmas Tree
    • Hot Buttered Rum – you must get the seasonal stomach (aka gut) in training
  • Putting up Christmas Lights
    • Water – this was a test people! Roofs and liquor don’t mix
  • Watching The Polar Express with the kids
    • Bailey’s and Hot Cocoa – “Hot, hot, ooh we got it” (If this doesn’t make sense, you haven’t seen the movie, which means you’re getting coal in your stocking)
  • Kids School Christmas Pageant
    • Coffee and Peppermint Schnapps (people will think it’s coffee and gum)
  • Christmas Date Night with Your Spouse
  • Santa Run – Standing in the freezing a$% cold to watch firetrucks and Santa come through the neighborhood
    • Brandy – in the name of survival
  • Company Christmas Party
    • White wine if you’re smart, Goldschlager if you’re looking for a severance package to bank roll your kids’ gifts
  • Making a Gingerbread House
    • Egg Nog – When else do you make a house out of cookies and candy?  When else do you drink egg nog?
  • Christmas Caroling
    • Can’t help you here, you’d have to give me (or the people who would have to listen) the whole bar to get me to sing in public
  • Kids’ Cookie Decorating Party
    • Cranberry Margaritas – Kids, frosting and sprinkles, you may want just want a shot glass
  • Girl’s Christmas Happy Hour
    • Christmas Cosmos – Out of style? Maybe, but so are Christmas sweaters, and we’re rockin’ them!
  • Neighborhood Cocktail Party – Adult’s Only
    • This whole list.  Times two.
  • Christmas Brunch with Relatives
    • Mimosa – It ony takes a splash of orange juice to look civilized
  • Christmas Brunch with Friends
    • Bellini’s – Fun, sophisticated and unique – just like my friends, well most of them…
  • White Elephant Exchange
    • White Russians – I don’t know why, I just think it sounds like a good idea.  So it is.
  • Christmas Dinner
    • Wine – Prime Rib and Cabernet, yes please!
  • Christmas Dinner with In-Laws
    • Tequila – And that’s just Plan A…
  • After Christmas Sales
    • Bloody Marys – Kills the Christmas dinner hangover and gives you energy to shop

I hope this list gets you through the holidays.  At anytime you may substitute any drink for hot cocoa and Bailey’s. 

Okay, what event did I forget?  What’s your favorite Christmas Cocktail recipe?