Slightly Off-Balance

One of may favorite bloggers Ironic Mom does Whiteboard Wednesday posts where she talks about something she has said to her kids that sounds bizarre when taken out of context.  Reading her weekly quotes has made me more cognizant of things I say to my own children.

I realized tonight, not only is it fun to pay attention to these funny moments, but these quotes could be great embarrassment when each of my children get married. (Yes, I am THAT Mom).  So today I am providing an entry for the list of quotes I will say at my daughter’s wedding.

My three-year old has developed this habit of torture where she poops at 9:00 every night.  At 7:30, we take her to the bathroom, read her a book (or four) and put her to bed.  After both kids are in bed, my husband and I try to catch  up on work… or internet surfing.  Inevitably, my daughter interrupts my productivity by getting out of bed and announcing she has to poop.  It does not matter if she pooped at dinnertime, bedtime or both.  My husband and I are convinced that she saves some poop to use as an excuse to get out of bed!

Last night was no different.  As I was trying to work (aka party on Twitter) my daughter strolled into my room announcing she had to poop.  My husband is already spared this interruption because his office is at the other end of the house (I am sure he planned that!).  It is also because he recently said she was faking it and sent her to bed, only to discover she was telling the truth and was taking a long time because it was hurting.  She didn’t have a bladder infection, but rather a minor irritation.  But it did require me to do one those “only a parent job” of holding a wipe on her to soothe the stinging.  When I did this she pee’d on my hand!  I couldn’t get upset and simply washed my hand MULTIPLE TIMES!  (This tangent is important, read on…)

Last night, my little diva sat on the potty for at least 15 minutes singing, talking to me or talking to her imaginary friends (she has almost as many as I do!).  I finally go in the bathroom to try and hurry her up and she asks me to hold a wipe on her bottom so she can poop without it hurting.  That’s when I am compelled to say:

“You can’t poop on my hand!

She may have had some discomfort pooping, but that is where I draw the line.  She is going to need a higher paid ass butler for that task!

What weird things have you done for your kids?  Or what thing have you said that would sound strange without (or even with!) context?

Remember, the more comments I get, the less off-balance I think I am…

She's laughing because she has an ass butler!