Archive

Posts Tagged ‘food’

What Was I Thinking?!

March 23, 2011 8 comments

What?  Where is Wine Wednesday you ask?  Well, let me tell you-

Lent is hard!  The Girl Scout Cookie deliveries, the dinner parties with margaritas, the wine book club meetings, the post t-ball practice beers (wow, yes, we have a drink for every occasion) and I CAN’T HAVE ANY OF IT!

We went to a dinner party on the first Sunday of Lent and I lapsed into vice exchange.  For those of you not familiar with this proven phenomenon.  If you give up one vice, you find another.  On the first Sunday of Lent, I traded booze and sweets for a pound of tortilla chips.  Okay, a pound may not be accurate, two pounds!  I woke up the next morning parched and feeling like I had been drinking out of the ocean.

So I did the logical thing- I gave up tortilla chips too.

To summarize: no sweets, no booze, no chips = STUPIDITY.

What was I thinking?!

But I will not quit, I will not edit my Lenten promise.  But I may be in a straight jacket by Easter!

So, no, there will be no more Wine Wednesdays during Lent, because frankly, I am not that big of a person to write about things I love, but cannot have.

I am, however, an optimist and on the bright side: I have lost 5 pounds!  Go ahead and place your bets on how fast I will put that back on. (Hint: Easter Sunday would be a safe bet)

Advertisements

Checking Into the Betty Crocker Clinic

February 11, 2011 19 comments

My name is Paige and I am an addict.  I have alluded to it before, but I have a problem with sweets.  It is time for an intervention, so I am checking myself into the Betty Crocker Clinic.

What?!  There is not a Betty Crocker Clinic?! It’s the Betty Ford Clinic and it’s not for sweets?

Yeah, I like alcohol too, but not as much as sweets.

Now what I do…

Addiction… intervention… 12 steps…

Brilliant!  Here are the official 12 steps and my commentary.

  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol  sweets—that our lives had become unmanageable. Um, yeah, check.  We have to bake extra cupcakes to ensure there are enough for my kids’ schools because my cravings come first.
  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  Agreed, that Power is butter, sugar and cocoa – all made by God.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.  Totally happy to turn my will and life over to God, what kind of oven does He have?  Does He use a hand mixer or a whisk?
  4.  Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Which led to the discovery that I was out of butter.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. I am telling all of you.
  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of characterCan He remove the fat from cupcakes too?
  7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. As long as He doesn’t remove the shortening.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.  Does this include making amends for stealing my kids Halloween candy?  I am not sure I am ready for that…
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. If I have to hand over the chocolate, somebody might get hurt.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.  I think inventory is essential, if I am wrong, how will I make cookies?
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.  There’s a dessert called Heavenly Bars, I think that if I eat those while praying, my contact with God should be rock solid.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics sweets-aholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. The bakery kicked me out when I tried to spread the good word.

Wow, I think that was totally helpful.  Maybe I don’t need the Betty Crocker Clinic. 

But if I did, what would it be like…

If I built it, would you come?

 

 

Hello Temptation

Why I Eat Cookies

January 31, 2011 13 comments

Today has been a roller coaster!  I was scheduled to be on a plane right now headed for another business trip.  Then, an hour before I was due to leave for the airport, my meeting and trip were rescheduled. 

I am thrilled to stay home because I just got back from a week-long trip on Friday.  It was long days of meetings and social events in the evenings.  By 2:00 every day, I was ready for a nap – so I had a cookie instead. 

Once home, I was still tired and didn’t feel like I had enough time this weekend to get everything done.  I ran around until I was close to sleeping standing up – so I ate cookies to keep going.  Sugar is my caffeine.  By last night I had accomplished all I could and enjoyed a bottle (yes, a bottle) of wine, which then affected my judgment so I ate another bag of cookies.

When I got up this morning, I was melancholy about my trip.  I had been home less than 72 hours and needed more time with my husband.  What you’re expecting me to say next is “and I really needed more time with my kids”.

Except I don’t. 

From the moment I walked in the door on Friday, my little pumpkins were lunatics.  They set new temper tantrum records.  My husband was so sweet to share with me that they were great until I came home…  It is so odd, I was sad to part with them this morning, I gave them extra hugs and kisses and truly didn’t want to leave.  But now that I get to stay home, I would like to hide in my office, eat cookies and read a book.  What award do I win for that?

But I am congratulating myself on knowing where I am at and understanding what I need.  I need cookies.  I need rest.  I need cuddling with my kids.  I just don’t want the other stuff like discipline, homework, laundry and bedtime rituals.  Hmmm… I think the business trip might be more restful than parenting…

So I have decided today is I eat cookies day (and it is clearly not ‘I am a literary genius’ day).  You are welcome to join in the celebration.  This is guilt free indulgence.  Will I eat cookies in lieu if my parenting duties? No.  But will the cookies make the duties easier? You betcha!

Next time I will make this brief, I’ll quickly tell you about the isolated times when I don’t eat cookies.

What do you do to take care of yourself?  How do you cope on crazy days?



How To Choose a Superbowl 5K

January 5, 2011 12 comments

My friend and I have decided to do a few races this year and think about training for a half-marathon.  I am trying to get rid of the 12 pounds of Christmas.  And we’re both trying to get back to a place where we can eat and drink without guilt. 

Our first race is going to be Superbowl Sunday.  We had two races to choose from.  Here is our decision-making process utilizing my scientific, health-focused, methodology:

Me: “Okay there’s one 10 minutes from you and one 10 minutes from me.  Which one should we do?”

Her: “Didn’t you say the one by me had tailgate food afterwards?”

Me: “Ooh, yes, good point.  Tailgate food afterwards is a must.  Okay, I checked they both have tailgate food afterwards and beer.  Maybe we should look at elevations.  I don’t do hills.”

Her: “Oh yeah, flatter is better.” 

Me: “Okay, they both look about the same for elevation.  But the one by you does football jersey style shirts and the one by me does Hanes Beefy Tees – ugh.”

Her: “Oh, the beefy tees, always attractive.  What’s the cost of each?”

Me: “Ding, ding, we have a winner.  The one by you is $60, the one by me is $25.”

After emailing some other friends with our decision, a wise girl pointed out there is a great dive bar by the cheaper race too.

In summary:

  • Post race food and beer
  • Flat course
  • Cheap fees
  • Dive bar

We are true athletes!

Categories: Cocktails, Food, Humor Tags: , , ,

The 12 Pounds of Christmas

December 16, 2010 24 comments

I am Paige and I have a problem.  My vices have become so debilitating that I cannot make it two hours, TWO HOURS, without chocolate or some Christmas treat!  And every night presents a new reason to drink.  (Okay, I can find a reason every night to have a glass of wine, but I’m talking about really good reasons like Christmas parties, holiday traditions and my feet were cold.)

So here it is – my 12 pounds of Christmas:

  1. The kids made peppermint bark. What kind of mother would I be if I didn’t eat it and tell them how yummy it was.
  2. Every year we have our favorite toffee shipped from Colorado.  WE ONLY GET IT ONCE PER YEAR – of course I ate it – I had to before my husband did.
  3. I attended my work holiday luncheon and drank white wine – hey it paired nicely with the heavy cream bisque. 
  4. After the lunch we had a morale event that was bartending lessons (and tasting) – it was a morale event, I had to participate. 
  5. Following bartending, we had an after party at another bar.  I am on the leadership team, I had to drink to make others feel like it was ok.  But because I am a manager, I didn’t want people getting too drunk, so I ordered everyone a bunch of pizzas.  I had to eat them too- you can’t have management passing out drunk.
  6. We watched Polar Express as a family – the kids drank cocoa, I drank cocoa and Bailey’s.  It’s a requirement.
  7. The kids made sugar cookies – again with the good mother thing.
  8. We made gingerbread houses – I had to “clean up” the left over frosting.
  9. One of the neighbors brought over chocolate covered pretzels – nobody can say I am a bad neighbor, I ate the pretzels.
  10. The kids made those peanut butter cookies with the Hershey kisses.  AND they used dark chocolate – my favorite.  Being such a fantastic mom to my lil’ bakers is becoming a problem.
  11. We had dinner at a friend’s house, they poured cocktails, I didn’t want to be a rude, so I drank three.
  12. We stood out in the cold to watch Santa come through the neighborhood on a fire truck, it was cold, I needed to stay warm, I prefer liquid heat.

So as you can see, in the spirit of giving, because I am a giver, and in the spirit of the holidays, I have done my duty as a mother, friend, neighbor, boss and employee.  I have eaten and drank nightly and CHRISTMAS IS STILL OVER A WEEK AWAY!  Does this mean I’ll stop now before Christmas?  Uh, no!  I want to be on Santa’s good list, and judging from his belly he rewards those who selflessly indulge, like me, over those who turn their back on holiday traditions.  At the rate I am going, I am pretty sure Santa is bringing me diamonds and a new car.

Eat, drink and be merry!

 

7 Deadly Sins – Gluttony

November 25, 2010 7 comments

Happy Thanksgiving!

As I mentioned last night, I am going to do seven posts about my seven deadly sins.  Last night I covered vanity.  In honor of the tens of thousands of calories I plan to consume today, I am covering the second sin: gluttony.  Here are my seven guilty pleasures – narrowing it down to seven will be tough!

  1. C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E
  2. Wine
  3. Any cocktail with rum, but not Malibu rum – too sweet!
  4. Yellow cake with chocolate frosting
  5. Jaeger
  6. Carnitas
  7. Pizza and beer

And what makes me the most gluttonous?  That I would gladly attempt to eat and drink all of the above on the same day! 

I feel compelled to dedicate this post to several friends.  You know who you are and here’s why:

  • Most people think of Napa for its wine, but we know it’s just a beautiful food fest with wine on the side. 
  • CRACK CAKE!  This cake is more addictive than any drug I have ever heard of.
  • We won’t drink the whole bottle tonight… (famous last words about wine)
  • Hmmmm – the universal sound of gluttony.
  • She has hidden candy bars in her couch!  Really!

 

Being Off-Balance is Rewarding

September 16, 2010 10 comments

I love awards.  I love honorable  mentions, cash prizes and glossy photos on the front page.  But the best awards are those that come from someone you respect and admire.  It is also amazing to get recognized for doing something you love.  I was touched to get an award from one of my favorite bloggers, Lori Dyan.  If you like my blog, don’t read hers, because it is so much better than mine that you might break up with me!  She’s funny, honest and will broach any topic.  Check her out!

The Blogging Award she bestowed upon me is the Versatile Blogger Award and there are some rules I have to follow:

1. Acknowledge the person who nominated me.  Lori Dyan – my blog crush! (No need for a restraining order!)

2. List ten things I like.

  • Laughing so hard I pee my pants, my husband does the laundry
  • Snuggling with my kids, after their baths, at bed time, when they smell clean and yummy
  • Long road trips when the kids sleep and my husband and I get to finish a conversation – he’s a captive audience!
  • Eating fresh fish while watching a Hawaiian sunset
  • Sushi, beer and beer with the girls
  • The sound of my waterski or wakeboard cutting through perfect water
  • Cocktails – any kind, any occasion
  • Chocolate.
  • Seeing the world through my kids eyes
  • Hearing that my writing resonates with someone.

3. Now I have to nominate ten other bloggers.  This is hard because I have come to follow and love so many great bloggers, but here are 10 in no particular order:

  1. Simply Diane… – She’s funny, likes to multi-task and loves to shop – what’s not to love?
  2. The Marriage Project – We could all follow her plan to be a good wife and laugh along the way!
  3. The Candy Shoppe – Everything she rights is touching, poignant, hilarious or all three.  A true artist.
  4. The Rock Pool – A group of female bloggers sharing the diverse and global perspectives – very cool.
  5. Because Chutney Goes with Everything – She writes on all sorts of topics and had me crying with laughter over pooping at work.
  6. Confessions of a Recovering Cynic – I recently discovered her and she is my kind of humor! (Slightly depraved)
  7. The Zany Housewife – I want to have cocktails and play Canasta with this hilariously fun blogger!
  8. The Highly Uninteresting Adventures of Average Girl – Her posts on parenting and life are far from average!
  9. My Morning Chocolate – I aspire to be Jen in the kitchen.  Her blog fuels my passion for food!
  10. Conflicted Mean Girl – I know you are already a recipient, but you’re so good that you need at least two of these!

Now I am off to drink a glass of Hall Cabernet and celebrate my award!

Categories: Writing Tags: , , , , ,