Home > Confessions, Food, Humor > Checking Into the Betty Crocker Clinic

Checking Into the Betty Crocker Clinic

My name is Paige and I am an addict.  I have alluded to it before, but I have a problem with sweets.  It is time for an intervention, so I am checking myself into the Betty Crocker Clinic.

What?!  There is not a Betty Crocker Clinic?! It’s the Betty Ford Clinic and it’s not for sweets?

Yeah, I like alcohol too, but not as much as sweets.

Now what I do…

Addiction… intervention… 12 steps…

Brilliant!  Here are the official 12 steps and my commentary.

  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol  sweets—that our lives had become unmanageable. Um, yeah, check.  We have to bake extra cupcakes to ensure there are enough for my kids’ schools because my cravings come first.
  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  Agreed, that Power is butter, sugar and cocoa – all made by God.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.  Totally happy to turn my will and life over to God, what kind of oven does He have?  Does He use a hand mixer or a whisk?
  4.  Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Which led to the discovery that I was out of butter.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. I am telling all of you.
  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of characterCan He remove the fat from cupcakes too?
  7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. As long as He doesn’t remove the shortening.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.  Does this include making amends for stealing my kids Halloween candy?  I am not sure I am ready for that…
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. If I have to hand over the chocolate, somebody might get hurt.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.  I think inventory is essential, if I am wrong, how will I make cookies?
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.  There’s a dessert called Heavenly Bars, I think that if I eat those while praying, my contact with God should be rock solid.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics sweets-aholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. The bakery kicked me out when I tried to spread the good word.

Wow, I think that was totally helpful.  Maybe I don’t need the Betty Crocker Clinic. 

But if I did, what would it be like…

If I built it, would you come?

 

 

Hello Temptation

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  1. February 11, 2011 at 7:29 am

    My bags are packed…what’s the address?

    • February 15, 2011 at 8:51 pm

      1234 Twinkie Way
      Duncan Hines, CA 98765

      • February 16, 2011 at 7:05 am

        I’ll be there as soon as my brownies are finished baking. Do you think my GPS will be able to find it?

    • February 16, 2011 at 3:23 pm

      If your GPS doesn’t find it, just use your nose, we will be pumping the smell of choclate! 😉

  2. February 11, 2011 at 7:35 am

    Can we get a group rate?

    • February 15, 2011 at 8:50 pm

      I was thinking more of a bulk cake rate, like a commercial bakery… oops, I guess I really have a problem.

  3. February 11, 2011 at 8:16 am

    I’M NOT GOING!

    I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM!

    I’M FINE!

    I CAN QUIT ANY TIME I WANT!

    I just don’t WANT right now.

    You go ahead. You should go. YOU clearly have a problem.

    I’m fine over here with my Hostess donuts.

    • February 15, 2011 at 8:49 pm

      Lori – I have a taxi waiting for you out front… there’s donuts in the front seat.

  4. February 11, 2011 at 10:14 am

    I haven’t hit rock candy bottom yet, so I’m good…for now!

    • February 15, 2011 at 8:48 pm

      You crackle me up! (Isn’t than an old candy bar like the crunch bar?)

  5. February 11, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    I might come…I mean, I would want to come, but I love sugar. Then again, I’ve also been thinking lately that I eat too much of it. So yes, I would come!

    I love the part about the Heavenly Bars.

    • February 15, 2011 at 10:08 am

      I am think there will have to be some sugar at the BC clinic…

  6. February 11, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    What problem? I don’t have a problem! I can give up Betty Crocker at any time, although it will make it much more difficult to bake cakes and cupcakes for my husband/kids…

    As long as I have Duncan Hines and their double fudge brownie mix I’m good.

    Wait… what? That counts too?

    Frak that!

    A life without brownies is not a life worth living.

    • February 15, 2011 at 10:07 am

      I am with you Kelly, It’s Duncan Hines or nothing!

  7. February 11, 2011 at 8:21 pm

    Girl, you are more than awesome, have I told you that? But you’re sort of killing my buzz. I’ve been dreaming of these scones I want to bake all week. Since I won’t get to see you tomorrow I’ll be baking them. And will be thinking of your 12 steps.

    Lot of guilt in those damn steps, ain’t there? So I’m not an addict if I don’t go to the meetings, right?

    • February 15, 2011 at 10:07 am

      You are not an addict, but you should still go to the meetigs – I hear they serve brownies! 😉

  8. February 14, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    I guess you need to go to Rehab to curb your addiction then….LOL. I share a lot of your passion for cookies 🙂

    • February 15, 2011 at 10:06 am

      Blessing – Wanna go to rehab together?

  1. March 8, 2011 at 6:23 am

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