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Checking Into the Betty Crocker Clinic

February 11, 2011 19 comments

My name is Paige and I am an addict.  I have alluded to it before, but I have a problem with sweets.  It is time for an intervention, so I am checking myself into the Betty Crocker Clinic.

What?!  There is not a Betty Crocker Clinic?! It’s the Betty Ford Clinic and it’s not for sweets?

Yeah, I like alcohol too, but not as much as sweets.

Now what I do…

Addiction… intervention… 12 steps…

Brilliant!  Here are the official 12 steps and my commentary.

  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol  sweets—that our lives had become unmanageable. Um, yeah, check.  We have to bake extra cupcakes to ensure there are enough for my kids’ schools because my cravings come first.
  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  Agreed, that Power is butter, sugar and cocoa – all made by God.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.  Totally happy to turn my will and life over to God, what kind of oven does He have?  Does He use a hand mixer or a whisk?
  4.  Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Which led to the discovery that I was out of butter.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. I am telling all of you.
  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of characterCan He remove the fat from cupcakes too?
  7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. As long as He doesn’t remove the shortening.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.  Does this include making amends for stealing my kids Halloween candy?  I am not sure I am ready for that…
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. If I have to hand over the chocolate, somebody might get hurt.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.  I think inventory is essential, if I am wrong, how will I make cookies?
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.  There’s a dessert called Heavenly Bars, I think that if I eat those while praying, my contact with God should be rock solid.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics sweets-aholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. The bakery kicked me out when I tried to spread the good word.

Wow, I think that was totally helpful.  Maybe I don’t need the Betty Crocker Clinic. 

But if I did, what would it be like…

If I built it, would you come?

 

 

Hello Temptation