Slightly Off-Balance

My friend over at A Diary of a Mad Woman was discussing how she identified her future husband in part by his choice of beers. (Ask me how much I love this!)  We started chatting back and forth and I decided to amuse you with my ultra scientific analysis of what your beverage of choice says about you.

This analysis is just for fun.  I am not a psychiatrist, bartender or any other kind of expert.  But I am blatant abuser of stereotypes and generalizations! 

Wine – Your goal is to remain in control or at least appear to be trying. You’re sophisticated and you have a keen understanding of what you want out of life.  I know this because you have taken the time to figure out if you’re a cab girl or a Pinot girl.  

Champagne – You fall into one of two camps – crazy like my friend Sarah who can drink six bottles in an evening or somebody who enjoys parties, celebrations and savoring important moments.  You may or may not scrapbook.

Jagermeister – You are a good time and we should hang out.  I am teased for my love of Jager, but I seem to have a better tolerance for that than champagne, so for me it’s the responsible party drink what I choose when I am looking to go big! 

Jack Daniels – Damn girl, you’re hard-core and can hang with boys.  I am in awe of you and slightly afraid of you.

Spiced Rum – Captain Morgan and Sailor Jerry are my boyfriends.  If you like the spiced rum, you are my sister and love to have a good time.  You like Jimmy Buffet and vacations in the sun!

Martinis – It really depends on what kind. 

• If you drink a classic martini, you are sophisticated, classy and therefore I have never met you.  I suspect you are smart, powerful and own several Hermes scarves. 
• If you drink dirty martinis – do I even have to explain this one?! 
• If you drink Cosmopolitan’s you love girls’ night out and have a romantic side.

Margaritas – You are fun!  You love the summertime, sunshine and get-togethers with friends.  You are easy-going but know what you like.  I have never met a margarita drinker I didn’t like.

Beer – This is another one that depends on the type of beer. 

• If you drink Guinness or Guinness blends (like black and tans) you are a guys girl and like sports. 
• If you drink Coors Light, you are a classic.  If you’re a true fan of the silver bullet, you have multiple uses for duct tape.  Either way, you’re fun and easy-going.
• If you drink Corona or Pacifico – see Margarita and call me!
• If you drink any other beer, you’re a bit of an aficionado and I would need to break down your personality further in a separate consultation.  But I am willing, just tell me what bar we’re meeting at.

Vodka – You vodka drinkers are a mixed bag because there are so many different ways to consume the vodka. 

• You could be one of the sturdy ones who can drink without ever falling down or making an ass of herself.  These vodka drinkers are independent, loyal and wise. 
• Or you could be the train wreck who typically drinks to the point of disaster.  You are a ton of fun until the wheels come off the track.  You’re personality is a little hard to pin down, but it involves a wide range of emotions. 
• Or you could be the unpredictable vodka drinker who waffles between civilized and intelligent and lunatic.  You’re a hoot to place bets on!  You’re fun, sweet and a little off-balance.
• Then there are the rest of the vodka drinkers, I need to conduct more research on this population.

Trendy Drinker – Then there is the girl who knows the latest it cocktail.  Past trendy drinks have been the Bellini, the Cosmo, the Mojito, the Pomegranate Martini, the Jalapeno Martini and many more that I am not trendy enough to know.  You have a great eye for fashion, a great job, a rich partner or high credit card balance.   You also know the hottest spots to drink the trendiest cocktails.

I have drunk all of the above and have a little of all most of the above personalities, so again for humor, not criticism.  How did I do?  Do you agree?  Disagree?  Want to fight it out over happy hour?

For my male readers, if you comment on this post that you want me to write the male version I will.  If you think you can handle it…