Home > Cocktails, Humor, Paige's Favorites, Uncategorized, Wine > Tribute to My Corkscrew

Tribute to My Corkscrew

You were a wonderful gift on the day of our wedding.
I opened you and knew where this relationship was heading.
A Screwpull Elegance Lever Model design
Made of metal and smarter than that dumb guy Einstein.
There wasn’t a bottle of wine or cork that you feared
You had great reviews and were truly revered.
We hit it off instantly, due to your skillful ways
I could work you bottle after bottle, without issue, for days.
You would never falter, I knew you wouldn’t fail
From Cakebread to Margaux to Merryvale.
You impressed the wine snobs and the corkscrew challenged
A replacement was never needed or scavenged.
You came with us each time that we moved homes
We brought you on vacation, never left you alone.
You were more than a tool, you were a close friend.
I thought are affair would never come to an end.
And then one day you stuck and required more force.
As I watched your demise, I become distraught of course.
I thought no one could ever fill your utilitarian shoes
I instantly started singing the dying corkscrew blues.
I knew not how long our partnership would last
Our days were numbered with every glass.
Then came the Syrah that broke you apart
When you jammed for good, it broke my heart.
Our substitute opener could not measure up
The time had come for me to act like a grownup-
To give up drinking wine, ha, you must be on glue
I jumped on the internet to find one just like you.
What? What? This could not be true.
You’re no longer made, well who can I sue?
But alas, I found a place that knows you are hailed
If I paid through the nose, your replacement will be mailed.
I did what I must, I paid the ransom they required
And in return I will get the Screwpull I desired.
It won’t be the same as what you and I had
But it will open the wine that I need so bad.
So the next glass we’ll toast you and your skill
I’ll never forget you, um… I probably will.
  1. February 2, 2011 at 9:37 pm

    Great – I love it!!

    love to meet new blogs, pop over to bigwords if you get a chance x

    • February 2, 2011 at 9:58 pm

      Bianca – just swung by, your post sounded blissful! Thanks for stopping by!

  2. February 2, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    Love this!
    I am all giggly in my wine-induced fog.
    Perfection! 🙂

    • February 2, 2011 at 9:57 pm

      Thanks Nichole, we are working through the grief! 😉 With wine of course…

  3. February 2, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    Freaking hysterical. But I can relate. Ours broke and my husband rigged it so that it’s probably got a little bit of life left, but I should order a new one. I keep forgetting somehow, which is odd. 🙂

    • February 2, 2011 at 10:01 pm

      Thanks Katie! Ours was 10 years old and the new one is on it’s way!

  4. February 3, 2011 at 5:40 am

    Boy, you are one talented poet!! Absolutely hysterical…

  5. February 3, 2011 at 6:52 am

    That was hysterical! What a lovely eulogy to your favorite appliance! You are quite the poet..did you know it? (sorry, I couldn’t help myself)

  6. OC
    February 3, 2011 at 7:40 am

    It was a sad night indeed. I will morn with a glass tonight. Amen

  7. February 3, 2011 at 8:05 am

    Hope the Syrah feels guilty. And was delicious… (duh.)

  8. February 3, 2011 at 10:35 am

    Love this!! Between this and your other poem “The (Off-Balance) Day Before Christmas” I don’t know which one is my favorite. It’s a tie so far.

  9. February 3, 2011 at 11:35 am

    You are truly an inspiration. Hilarious. I will raise my wine glass in a farewell to your corkscrew. Happy drinking, Diane

  10. February 3, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    Ugh – I wish I wasn’t in sweats, I’m outta wine. hmmm. Great post though!

  11. February 3, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    Hilarious and a great little poem. Of course your passion for the original shines through!

  12. February 4, 2011 at 8:03 am


    Perfect. So tender, so bittersweet, so…inebriated.

  13. February 7, 2011 at 9:49 am

    Bittersweet moments! You know I never got so attached to a corkscrew like this. My husband would love this poem. LOL.

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