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Sore Muscles and a Happy Heart
Last night I physically pushed my daughter up to achieve her goals…
We were at the birthday party of my seven-year old Godson. The party was held at one of those bounce places and had some bounce apparatus I had never seen before. Among other cool structures they had a “spiderweb” that was a two-story series of elastic straps that form webs. There were five or six level of webs that the kids had to climb up to get to the top in order to zoom down an inflatable slide. And PS – this particular room was pitch dak except for black lights, a few laser lights and disco balls.
My three-year old wandered over to the spiderweb saw that this was the favorite of the big kids and jumped in line without hesitation. (There was a long line because only four kids could be on it at once since kids, struggling to get to the top would often fall a level or two!) I saw my son as he approached the halfway mark, he was struggling, but he did it, he’s always been able to defy gravity. As I watched the other kids, I repeatedly tried to talk my daughter out of attempting this (I know, bad mommy). My son finished and came over, stunned to see his sister in line. He, being my conservative child, said “Mommy, you’re going to let Sissy do this? I don’t think it’s a good idea. It’s really hard!” This certainly did not help my apprehension.
As we approached the front of the line I asked the employee if there was an age limit, hoping she would rescue me from my fears. Was I afraid my daughter would get hurt – no. I was worried she would attempt it, not be able to do it and be frustrated, possible even cranky. The wise 14 year-old employee said, “There is no age limit, but it will probably be pretty tough for her, you can go in and help her”. Grrreeeaattt… I watched as one of my girlfriends (who is stronger than me) tried to get her four-year old up and after a while, they came back down. ‘What am I doing in this line?’ I thought!
Getting her up the first level was easy, I just lifted her up… and she sat on my head. Then it got tricky, I was trying to climb up and push her up at the same time. Fortunately, my son (who could likely beat my in arm wrestling) yelled, “Mom, climb up the side, it’s easier”. We slowly started our climb. Was I smart enough to figure out how to support my weight on the series of webs to help my daughter? No. I took the old fashion, sheer tenacity route. I would hold on to the netting wall with one hand while I hoisted my 38 pound “baby” girl with the other. I’d then have her hold on to the side while I got my dead weight to the next level. We were doing ok until she started to fall…
HER arms were getting tired, um, hi, what about your pack mule’s arms??? She slipped and fell through a level of webs. I grabbed her and told her to hold still. (I needed time to run this physics problem in my non-math brain). I realized that while heavy, she is narrow and could slip through the webs and potentially go straight down – at least 10 feet to the trampoline bottom. Oh and she’s upside down so she was going head first! Hello neck injury! She was starting to panic, “Mommy, help me, I am falling”. This may be what saved us, mommy adrenaline to the rescue. My common sense told me we would be fine, these things were built for safety, right?? But my emotions were sounding the alarm – my daughter was upside down, in the dark, scared and every muscle in my body hurt (I may need to go see that Gym guy everyone talks about). I was also afraid if she slipped, I might too and fall on top of her. I said to her, “Sweetie, don’t worry, mommy is going to get us back down”. HA! “No, Mommy, I want to go to the top, push me up!” I wanted to cry, I wanted my husband, hell, I wanted my son, he probably could have saved us both!
But my daughter had a goal, and while she was scared, she was determined. She inspired me, I dug deep, told myself our lives depended on it. I got her flipped upright, I steadied her on the level above me and threw myself up like Shamu coming out of the water onto the ramp at a marine water show. The higher I got the more I realized I didn’t want us to fall, so I clenched my teeth and up we went.
The top was like a dream. The angels were singing, “Eye of the Tiger” was playing in my head again and when I looked down at the bottom of the slide, I could just make out the shocked and impressed faces of my husband and our friends. As I pushed my daughter onto the platform, I romanticized us sliding down together in victory. I yelled”wait for mommy” as I hoisted my tired body up onto the platform and looked just in time to see her bound down the slide… without me.
As I came down, I saw her high-fiving everyone. I couldn’t wait to hear the “Thank you Mommy, we did it!” But by the time I got to the bottom, she was off to her next adventure without me. When I asked her about it this morning, she was very blaze. I said “wasn’t that hard?”. Her response was, “No, can we do it again sometime?” Ugh!
But isn’t that the essence of being a parent? We push ourselves mentally, emotionally and physically to do the best for our kids. We help them achieve their goals so they can grow to be independent and not need us anymore?
I would love to hear all of your stories on pushing yourselves to help your kids achieve their goals!
I know how this mama feels!
My Son Has a Garden?
I am learning so much from scaling back my career to spend more time with my family.
But let me give you some background. I have always over-scheduled myself and wanted to be involved in everything at the same time. I was Student Body President in middle school, Panhellenic President in college and have served on more committees since I was in the 5th grade than I can count. So naturally, when my son started kindergarten I over-committed myself. I signed up to be assistant room mom, field trip chaperone, classroom helper and art docent. It ended in disaster with me having to break my commitments and be rescued by my stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) friends so I could fulfill the requirements of my day job.
This year, with my son in first grade, I didn’t sign up for ANYTHING, but did tell my son’s teacher that I would volunteer in the classroom as time permits. (See, I can learn from my mistakes!) With my conscious decision to balance my life and devote more time to my family, I have been spending more time at my son’s school. The trick is I am not in charge of anything, but I show up and act as a worker-bee whenever possible. Today this worker-bee got to help teach my son’s class about bees and pollination (wanna know something interesting about bees?).
I met the other mom in the school office and we headed for the classroom, then she continued to walk past it – where the heck was she going??? I followed her and found myself in the elementary school garden. The garden? Who knew? Not me. It was big enough to have one or two classrooms full of kids inside exploring its treasures. But wait, there is more… We then walked down to the “lower garden” that was even bigger. How did I not know about this magical place? Do other parents know this is here? I bet the working ones don’t…
If I start a list (and I love lists) on the benefits of cutting back at work I will definitely include discovering that my son has a garden and the joy of visiting it with him!
What discoveries have you made that brought you joy?
10 Reasons Mommy Loves Wine
Mommy needs a glass...
This post is brought to you by Markham 2005 Petit Verdot
So some crazy lady posed as me and wrote a post about breaking up with wine a while back! Do not be alarmed, I have found said crazy person and contained her in a bottle with a good cork. To cabernet, I mean commemorate my love of wine (proven by the fact that I have drank it 10 times in the last two weeks) I want to share with all of you some of the many reasons why I love wine:
- All I have to do is un-cork a bottle to erase the longest of days.
- I don’t have to share it with my kids (unless I want them to sleep better).
- I feel sophisticated when I swirl it my glass (and I feel like a dumb-ass when it spills out).
- Wine goes good with my one true love: food. Yes, any food.
- Wine and chocolate. Period.
- Wine is complex, temperamental and will spoil if not cared for properly, just like me.
- The antioxidants in wine make me a better mom – it’s science people!
- Wine gets better with age, just like moms and children.
- Having a glass of wine to cope sounds more civilized than drinking rubbing alcohol.
- Wine doesn’t talk back, wet the bed or throw temper tantrums!
Cheers!
10 Ways to Make Wii Struggles Disappear
I hate – we don’t say hate in this house – I strongly dislike my son’s Wii.
I swear that video games lead to at least one tantrum or mild freak out session in my house per day. My son’s Wii melt-downs can be classified into one of the following:
- He gets upset when time is up. (I set a one hour per day limit)
- He gets upset when someone beats him or he can’t beat a level
- He gets upset because he doesn’t get to play on a given day even if it is because he was at a playdate, birthday party,etc. (I am sorry, you are having a fairytale life and couldn’t squeeze Wii into your amazing social calendar!)
What makes it worse is that my better half (who in this case is not better) often contributes to the problem with wise actions like letting him play right before bed (which is prime melt-down time) or my personal favorite, overriding my one-hour rule with, ‘Oh, honey, I know he already had his hour, but I told him he could play with me'”
I realize that it is not the Wii’s fault and it is a parenting issue, but I am in no mood to be reasonable. In an effort to cope with my Wii frustration, and end Wii struggles, I am considering the following (none of which would happen in front of my son, because that would be another tantrum!):
- Use the straps on the controllers as a sling-shot to launch the console
- Donate it to a clay pigeon range – Pull!
- Give the Wii swimming lessons
- Sponsor a grape stomping competition on the console – wet and crushed – that oughta do it!
- Controllers as pins, console as bowling ball
- Wii Field Trips: beach, lake or snow
- Donate it to a ‘kindergarten hardware engineering’ class – sounds altruistic, yet fatal
- Drop the system at the front door of the Playstation headquarters – it’s not that I like PS any better, I just figure it won’t come back that way
- Tell my daughter there are princess stickers inside that she can have if she can get them out
- Go crazy like Office Space with a copier on the whole system
Watch out Wii, you don’t want to be left alone with me…
This could be you Wii!
Parenting Handbook – Meals
I got the BRILLIANT idea of writing a “parenting handbook” in which I would pass on my super secret, full-proof parenting wisdom. If this feels like a to-good-to-be-true gimmick, then you’re on the right track! NONE of my parenting advice is full-proof and it is rarely wise, but I’ll share it with you anyways for the amazing low price of $20.00 – that’s the price of my co-pay on my kids therapy, from being subjected to my “wise” advice.
Because I have SO much wisdom to share, I will break it down into sections, starting with meals. Meals are tough in our house. I think this is because I am a control-freak and try too hard to prove how great of a mommy I am (a-hem) by getting my kids to eat what I think they should, when I think they should. So here’s how you do it:
- Eating games: Show me how a dinosaur eats (and every other possible animal) This will not teach great table manners. As it turns out Dinosaurs and other “cool” animals are VERY messy eaters!
- Reverse psychology: “Do not eat your chicken because I really liked it and I am going to eat yours when I finish mine”. The problem with this approach is the possibility of, “Here you go mom…”
- Fun with counting: “I bet you can’t count all the bites you can eat!” This is my crowning glory as I get my kids to eat and can check off working on their numbers. I am huge multi-tasker, so the only way I could improve this is to incorporate reading or social skills. Hmm…
- Cool names. Turkey Lurkey is one of their favorites and it’s chicken, not turkey. We have confused our share of waiters and dinner guests with our secret code names for food.
When these fail (absurd as that may seem…) here is Plan B (read the fine print):
The following is meant for entertainment purposes only. Use of the below tactics is done at your own risk.
- Negotiation: “I’ll give you $5 to eat your whole dinner”
- Fear: “Your friend Aiden barfed one night because he didn’t eat his dinner…” (I really used that one in a less than spectacular parenting moment)
- Proximity: Duct tape the little darling to the chair until dinner is done.
- Supply and Demand: Starve them for a few days, then they are bound to eat just about anything.
- Peer Pressure: All the cool kids are eating this.
- Listen to Their Bodies: Feed them whatever they want. If they are craving it, their body must need it.
What other parenting challenges would you like for me to solve? I am taking requests! 😉
It's what my body needs Mom!
The 7 Deadly Sins of Parenting
MSN did a piece yesterday about the Seven Deadly Sins . It got me to thinking about my sins as a parent:
Lust: With our busy schedules, traditional lust is not a daily occurrence around here. However, I will admit to lusting after shoes and purses. My shopping budget is about as scarce as lust, so I lust after the material things I gave up when I gave birth to the products of traditional lust.
Wrath: I have shared with you the dangers of the crazy mama bear. They say there is no greater wrath/fury than a woman scorned. Wrong! There is no greater wrath than me if you so much as look at my children in a threatening way. Only I can give them that look.
Pride: This is practically a gimme for parents. Have I told you my six-year-old and three-year old can water ski? Yes, I have, but I’m glad to have the opportunity to tell you brag again. I would post pictures of my kids to show the world how stinkin’ cute they are, but it goes back to that wrath and over-protective mama thing. So, pride – check.
Greed: If honesty compensates for greed than let me be clear: I would love to be rich, but not famous. I want enough money to choose my activities, to only work on things I am passionate about, to work less and enjoy life more. But it’s not just money, I want more time too. Time with the kids, time with my husband, time for myself, time for my friends. Call me Veruca: I want more and I want it now.
Envy: I envy moms (and dads) who appear to have more balance in their lives than me. I say “appear” because if they are anything like me, you shouldn’t look behind their curtain either.
Gluttony: Covered that with my post about Mommy’s Hierarchy of Needs. I use sweets and cocktails to achieve balance in my slightly off-balance life. When I really want to show my kids how much I care for them I say, “I love you more than chocolate” and sometimes I mean it.
Sloth: I have had 7 different posts that mention my inconsistent showering habits (really, I counted). Sloth is practically my middle name! I dare say I envy those who have more opportunities to be lazy than me. Do I get double points for a sin about a sin?
Bringing little angels into the world drives us to commit sin on a daily basis. Does that make me a great parent, a bad parent or just totally normal?
Mommy’s Hierarchy of Needs
My husband walked into the kitchen after we put our kids to bed and found me serving up a bowl of ice cream and stealing part of my kids homemade ice cream sandwich. He looked at me, recognized the seriousness of the situation and kept walking. He knew his life was in jeopardy if he tried to stop me or reason with me. He understands the “Mommy’s Hierarchy of Needs” based very loosely on the Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
Based on how tough of a day I have had, I have different needs for coping. Here is the graphical representation:
As you can see, from the scientific diagram above, there are 5 levels of need. Within each level, the amount needed to cope can vary based on the severity of the day. Sweets is level one, but one M&M is a good day compared to a whole chocolate cake which is a catastrophic day. The most rare and severe level is a shot. If the day requires a shot, alternative child care should be arranged!
However, the pyramid can also represent exceptional days, where each level would denote the amount of celebration appropriate for the occasion.
With good days and bad days, levels can be combined to most accurately represent the situation and mommy’s psychological state. For example, a shot and a cupcake means that the principal, poop and stitches were involved.
So as not to discriminate, I will put together Daddy’s Hierarchy of Needs in a future post.
What New York Taught This Suburban Mom
I am home from New York. I spent four days with my husband, WITHOUT MY KIDS, in a town of incredible sights, history, food and culture to celebrate the wedding of a friend. It was my first trip to the Big Apple and I was delighted, overwhelmed and more than a little off-balance. Here are my lessons learned…
Flights Are Fabulous: Normally, when my husband and I fly together, we have the kids with us, which means I come off the plane sweaty, exhausted, cranky, stained and ready for a parachute. On these two glorious flights I read books, drank wine (yeah, the break-up might be over), watched movies and RELAXED. I didn’t actually care where the flight landed since the experience itself was so therapeutic.
Size Does Not Matter, It’s All About the View: My 2,800 square foot house can seem too small with the kids and all their toys, but a 1,000 square foot corner suite hotel room (thank you hotel points) over-looking the harbor is a little piece of Heaven.
I Hate Crowds: I am a people person but I DO NOT love swarming crowds of tourists. Yes, I get that I was one of those tourists, but I think the problem was that I would like to sight-see like a celebrity, while everyone else stays home. The sensory overload of Times Square is craizer than 25 kids for a six-year-old birthday party! If I am in the mood for sensory overload I will chaperone my daughter’s preschool field trips. At least then I will know the kids who own the sweat I rub up against.
Suburban Life Requires Less Showers: I have shared in my posts that, since I work from home, there are times, a-hem.. days, when I do not shower. I had to wash city life off of me at least twice per day. If I stepped off the curb wrong, I was splashed with gutter grime (water would not be an accurate word to describe what hit my legs).
Moms Should Teach Taxi Driving School: I can get an SUV full of 6 year olds anywhere on time without inducing motion sickness. I can drive the carpool, while putting on a movie and passing back the juice boxes, without breaking any laws or startling anyone. (Unless I yell, “Don’t make me pull this car over”). The taxi to the airport took two ginger ales to recover from.
Moms CAN Sleep-in After Having Kids: It turns out that staying up until 2:30 in the morning, having cocktails is doable if you can sleep until 11:30 the next morning. I didn’t even know if I was still physically capable of sleeping late. I have confirmed that mothers can still do shots and be the life of the party if given time to recover…
Adults Need Moderation Too: We don’t hand our children the candy basket and tell them to use their best judgement. The same rule should probably apply to parents re-released into the wild – aka at an event with a fully hosted bar. Just because it is there and free, doesn’t mean one (okay, me) should try to take full advantage. The extra sleep helped, but I still had to relive the hazy memories of giving breast-feeding advice to someone I had just met.
Parks Are For Adults Too: My favorite part of my kids-free trip was a park! We had a delightful brunch at The Boathouse in Central Park and then strolled around the lake. I turned to my husband and said, “oh the kids would love this”. He said, “You’re right, but we’re not bringing them while they’re young”. He’s a smart guy.
Thank you New York for reminding me what being a civilized adult feels like. Thank you for the one-on-one time with my husband, for the beautiful sites and delicious food. Finally, thank you for perspective – when I had my first dose of mommy frustration upon coming home, as the kids were being loud and rowdy, I was able to say, ‘Thank God I am not in the heat of Times Square with all those crazy tourists!’
10 Effects of Shopping with Kids
While my husband was on his guys trip this weekend, I stayed home with the kids. I was thrilled to have no schedule to adhere to other than one soccer game. I had planned to just relax with my kids, until I had the brilliant idea to do some shopping for my upcoming trip to New York. Here are the effects of my bright idea…
- While wearing flip-flops I had my foot run over by my insistent cart drivers SIX times
- They opened the dressing room door, exposing my semi-naked body, TWICE
- My daughter did “snow angels” on the floor of Ross – hello bath time!
- I fed my kids two chocolate milks, two LARGE cookies, hotdogs and popcorn in an undisclosed order…
- I had to bribe with a toy submarine, a Dora backpack, and two dollar-bin masks, AFTER say, I would not buy them anything
- I ran into someone I knew at the exact moment I was hissing at my kids that they had better behave or else
- I “temporarily” lost the car keys
- I was impressed by my kids creativity when they devised dressing room games including
- Different ways to wear a strapless bra and underwear (picture underwear on their heads with sunglasses over it)
- How to turn plastic hangers into weapons
- How high can they throw the tags that tell how many items I have in the dressing room
- I almost inadvertently shoplifted when I found a bracelet in my purse, as I was pulling out my wallet at the register, that my daughter had decided she wanted
- I have come up with a new mommy threat – “Be good or I will take you clothes shopping with me”
I have friends and family who would have watched the kids, but I decided I was supermom and could handle a few errands with the kids. Isn’t it great how life reminds us that we there is no such thing as supermom?
I Believe in Vampires Because of My Kids
First, a confession. I have told you in the past that I have seen the Twilight movies, but I love Twilight, Sookie Stackhouse and True Blood, Black Dagger Brotherhood and The Gates. To make this statement requires me to swallow my pride. When Twilight fist came out, I teased my friends for reading teeny-bopper books. I told them I am not into vampires. Then I read Twilight and was hooked on the series. But I maintained that it was just those books and I would not read any other vamp books… Well, clearly, I ate those words.
As I was watching True Blood last night, it occurred to me that my children have all the same powers as vampires, so I can only surmise that vampires do exist. Here’s the “proof”:
- Vampires defy gravity with their jumping and sometimes flying abilities – My son scaled the dressing room wall at Target Saturday to retrieve a toy I took away from him. He regularly climbs door jams and other objects for sport.
- Vampires suck the life out of you by sucking your blood – My children have one up on the vamps here – they can suck the life out of me without even leaving a puncture mark.
- Vampires keep odd hours, awake at night and sleeping during the day– My children enjoy keeping me awake at night and then recharging their batteries during the day, while I struggle through work sleepless.
- Vampires can glamour you to erase unwanted memories– Vampires have to learn this trick. My kids started erasing my unpleasant memories the day they were born. 6 hours of labor while waiting for an epidural – that must be a rumor, I don’t remember that. When they have been naughty or unruly, they simply come up, snuggle me and whisper I love you in their cutest voice and I am putty in their little supernatural hands.
So yes, I believe in vampires now, but I am not afraid of them. I know a vampire is no match for my kids!
Pay It Forward
Slightly Off-Balance 
