Slightly Off-Balance

First, a confession.  I have told you in the past that I have seen the Twilight movies, but I love Twilight, Sookie Stackhouse and  True Blood, Black Dagger Brotherhood and The Gates.  To make this statement requires me to swallow my pride.  When Twilight fist came out, I teased my friends for reading teeny-bopper books.  I told them I am not into vampires.  Then I read Twilight and was hooked on the series.  But I maintained that it was just those books and I would not read any other vamp books…  Well, clearly, I ate those words.

As I was watching True Blood last night, it occurred to me that my children have all the same powers as vampires, so I can only surmise that vampires do exist.  Here’s the “proof”:

• Vampires defy gravity with their jumping and sometimes flying abilities – My son scaled the dressing room wall at Target Saturday to retrieve a toy I took away from him.  He regularly climbs door jams and other objects for sport.
• Vampires suck the life out of you by sucking your blood – My children have one up on the vamps here – they can suck the life out of me without even leaving a puncture mark.
• Vampires keep odd hours, awake at night and sleeping during the day– My children enjoy keeping me awake at night and then recharging their batteries during the day, while I struggle through work sleepless.
• Vampires can glamour you to erase unwanted memories– Vampires have to learn this trick.  My kids started erasing my unpleasant memories the day they were born.  6 hours of labor while waiting for an epidural – that must be a rumor, I don’t remember that.  When they have been naughty or unruly, they simply come up, snuggle me and whisper I love you in their cutest voice and I am putty in their little supernatural hands.

So yes, I believe in vampires now, but I am not afraid of them.  I know a vampire is no match for my kids!