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BEST Christmas Gift Idea: Shotski
I was out for yet another holiday event last night – don’t try this at home kids, I am a professional. I went out for sushi and drinks with some girlfriends. There are many highlights, but I think I can sum it all up with my friend’s gift idea: the Shotski. It’s ecofriendly (if you find a ski in a dumpster), cheap and unique.
Do you hate when one person drinks their shot before everyone else? Do you have a friend who nurses their shot? Do you know someone who has everything? The Shotski is for you.
What’s your go-to gift this season?
The 12 Pounds of Christmas
I am Paige and I have a problem. My vices have become so debilitating that I cannot make it two hours, TWO HOURS, without chocolate or some Christmas treat! And every night presents a new reason to drink. (Okay, I can find a reason every night to have a glass of wine, but I’m talking about really good reasons like Christmas parties, holiday traditions and my feet were cold.)
So here it is – my 12 pounds of Christmas:
- The kids made peppermint bark. What kind of mother would I be if I didn’t eat it and tell them how yummy it was.
- Every year we have our favorite toffee shipped from Colorado. WE ONLY GET IT ONCE PER YEAR – of course I ate it – I had to before my husband did.
- I attended my work holiday luncheon and drank white wine – hey it paired nicely with the heavy cream bisque.
- After the lunch we had a morale event that was bartending lessons (and tasting) – it was a morale event, I had to participate.
- Following bartending, we had an after party at another bar. I am on the leadership team, I had to drink to make others feel like it was ok. But because I am a manager, I didn’t want people getting too drunk, so I ordered everyone a bunch of pizzas. I had to eat them too- you can’t have management passing out drunk.
- We watched Polar Express as a family – the kids drank cocoa, I drank cocoa and Bailey’s. It’s a requirement.
- The kids made sugar cookies – again with the good mother thing.
- We made gingerbread houses – I had to “clean up” the left over frosting.
- One of the neighbors brought over chocolate covered pretzels – nobody can say I am a bad neighbor, I ate the pretzels.
- The kids made those peanut butter cookies with the Hershey kisses. AND they used dark chocolate – my favorite. Being such a fantastic mom to my lil’ bakers is becoming a problem.
- We had dinner at a friend’s house, they poured cocktails, I didn’t want to be a rude, so I drank three.
- We stood out in the cold to watch Santa come through the neighborhood on a fire truck, it was cold, I needed to stay warm, I prefer liquid heat.
So as you can see, in the spirit of giving, because I am a giver, and in the spirit of the holidays, I have done my duty as a mother, friend, neighbor, boss and employee. I have eaten and drank nightly and CHRISTMAS IS STILL OVER A WEEK AWAY! Does this mean I’ll stop now before Christmas? Uh, no! I want to be on Santa’s good list, and judging from his belly he rewards those who selflessly indulge, like me, over those who turn their back on holiday traditions. At the rate I am going, I am pretty sure Santa is bringing me diamonds and a new car.
Eat, drink and be merry!
Kids Christmas and Cocktail Pairings
I had an epiphany tonight – I am a sommelier! Just as a sommelier pairs the perfect wine with a great meal, I have the talent to match a cocktail to any kid Christmas event, well any event really, but let’s try to keep it seasonal people!
So here you go, the perfect holiday pairing list:
- Getting a Christmas Tree
- Straight Vodka (if you’re spouse is a perfectionist like mine)
- Decorating the Christmas Tree
- Hot Buttered Rum – you must get the seasonal stomach (aka gut) in training
- Putting up Christmas Lights
- Water – this was a test people! Roofs and liquor don’t mix
- Watching The Polar Express with the kids
- Bailey’s and Hot Cocoa – “Hot, hot, ooh we got it” (If this doesn’t make sense, you haven’t seen the movie, which means you’re getting coal in your stocking)
- Kids School Christmas Pageant
- Coffee and Peppermint Schnapps (people will think it’s coffee and gum)
- Christmas Date Night with Your Spouse
- Snow Job (this one is for you Pajama Girls!)
- Santa Run – Standing in the freezing a$% cold to watch firetrucks and Santa come through the neighborhood
- Brandy – in the name of survival
- Company Christmas Party
- White wine if you’re smart, Goldschlager if you’re looking for a severance package to bank roll your kids’ gifts
- Making a Gingerbread House
- Egg Nog – When else do you make a house out of cookies and candy? When else do you drink egg nog?
- Christmas Caroling
- Can’t help you here, you’d have to give me (or the people who would have to listen) the whole bar to get me to sing in public
- Kids’ Cookie Decorating Party
- Cranberry Margaritas – Kids, frosting and sprinkles, you may want just want a shot glass
- Girl’s Christmas Happy Hour
- Christmas Cosmos – Out of style? Maybe, but so are Christmas sweaters, and we’re rockin’ them!
- Neighborhood Cocktail Party – Adult’s Only
- This whole list. Times two.
- Christmas Brunch with Relatives
- Mimosa – It ony takes a splash of orange juice to look civilized
- Christmas Brunch with Friends
- Bellini’s – Fun, sophisticated and unique – just like my friends, well most of them…
- White Elephant Exchange
- White Russians – I don’t know why, I just think it sounds like a good idea. So it is.
- Christmas Dinner
- Wine – Prime Rib and Cabernet, yes please!
- Christmas Dinner with In-Laws
- Tequila – And that’s just Plan A…
- After Christmas Sales
- Bloody Marys – Kills the Christmas dinner hangover and gives you energy to shop
I hope this list gets you through the holidays. At anytime you may substitute any drink for hot cocoa and Bailey’s.
Okay, what event did I forget? What’s your favorite Christmas Cocktail recipe?
Lessons Learned from a Pajama Party
Last week I attended a pajama exchange party. Basically a bunch of women got together for wine, appetizers and a game of pajama exchange stealing. The evening was fun on so many levels. Our hostess has a beautiful home with perfect decorations, she had delicious appetizers and never-ending wine. (When will I learn that I always have one glass too many?) I only knew half of the fabulous women before arriving, but loved the other half I met enough to friend them on Facebook. I think this is rare. Usually, you meet new people, enjoy chatting with them and don’t give it another thought. I don’t know if it was the combination of wine and pajamas, but I am a fan of all of these gals.
AND, I went home with fabulous pajamas – deliciously soft light blue reindeer pants with a tank top that had a reindeer with a TIARA! These pajamas were clearly designed for me. Our hostess also gave us each a pair fo sexy underwear, which is great, because since becoming a mom, my underwear isn’t always sexy!
In addition to enjoying myself and drinking a tad more than I had planned, I also learned many valuable lessons. Unfortunately, some of them are too delicate to share on my blog, but think of women, wine and sleepwear and imagine the conversations! So here’s a few things I can pass on:
- Comfort is more coveted than sex appeal. All of the pajamas were beautiful, but some of the most fought over were the kind of thing you hate to take off even to wash!
- When you hope to prevent your gift from being stolen, stuff it in your bra!
- Not wearing underwear with a thick seamed pair of work-out pants might lead to pleasure… (note this is tamer than the lessons I can’t write about…) I should also say that one piece of advice in particular was so appreciated by my husband that he encouraged me to spend much more time with this group of women!
- Men mistake hot flashes for an invitation. Just because the pajamas come off doesn’t mean…
- Book clubs are not just for readers, some just come for the wine!
- As I have said before, women will come up with any excuse to get together and drink. (Hell, I have even met virtually with a group of writers while we tweeted and drank wine).
At this party we talked about putting together a book club that would meet at a nightclub (yes, really) and it got me to thinking, what other “reasons” could we come up with to get together, drink some wine and laugh like school girls?
This is where you come in! What ideas do you have for a female get togethers? I am looking for something that sounds like it’s legitimate (so that husbands don’t think twice about watching the kids) like a book club, but can be done over cocktails. I am also a fan of anything that fuels humor and over-sharing!
Laughing is good for the soul and alcohol is good for everything else!
7 Deadly Sins – Gluttony
Happy Thanksgiving!
As I mentioned last night, I am going to do seven posts about my seven deadly sins. Last night I covered vanity. In honor of the tens of thousands of calories I plan to consume today, I am covering the second sin: gluttony. Here are my seven guilty pleasures – narrowing it down to seven will be tough!
- C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E
- Wine
- Any cocktail with rum, but not Malibu rum – too sweet!
- Yellow cake with chocolate frosting
- Jaeger
- Carnitas
- Pizza and beer
And what makes me the most gluttonous? That I would gladly attempt to eat and drink all of the above on the same day!
I feel compelled to dedicate this post to several friends. You know who you are and here’s why:
- Most people think of Napa for its wine, but we know it’s just a beautiful food fest with wine on the side.
- CRACK CAKE! This cake is more addictive than any drug I have ever heard of.
- We won’t drink the whole bottle tonight… (famous last words about wine)
- Hmmmm – the universal sound of gluttony.
- She has hidden candy bars in her couch! Really!
Design Your Own Funny Farm
I recently sent a friend to the funny farm. A few of us have been teasing her about holiday decorations and we finally pushed her too far, she has jokingly checked herself into a virtual, “special resort” with pink pills, fruity drinks and no stress. She is practicing her fetal position and listening to soft music. Her imaginary funny farm got me to thinking… (I know, it happens once in a while, whether I meant to or not)…
If I could design a place to “check out” and regain some sanity, what would it look like?
The Slightly Off-Balance Center for Balance
Located lake side, this sprawling resort will instill balance, joy and laughter. Check-in and stay as long you’d like, we won’t tell your family you’re here. Amenities include:
- Personal bungalows with lake views, waterfalls, personal wet bars and wine cellars, light blocking window treatments (for sleeping when you’d like, as long as you’d like) and a staff of 5 for each bungalow:
- Cleaning lady – she picks up to, no cleaning before she arrives
- Chef (she can also mix drinks)
- Hair and make-up artist (should you want to socialize)
- Massage therapist – they also give mani/pedis
- Pictures of your children are welcome and there is a designated area to interact with them should you choose, but there is no guilt if you just watch your kids through the two-sided mirror or don’t watch at all.
- Spouses are welcome by invitation only and you can re-send their invitation at anytime. Spouses are brought up blind-folded so they cannot find this place on their own.
- There is a large pool, staffed to ensure you’re never hungry or sober, I mean thirsty.
- An intensive therapy area for new inductees where people play with your hair, pat your back and tell you you’re amazing. Intravenous chocolate is also available.
Activities include:
- Yoga – but only the stretchy feel good poses, no stand on one leg and feel your heart race nonsense
- Chocolate and chick flicks – this will soon be an olympic sport, so I have been training.
- Spa days – 24 hours per day, seven days per week on demand
- Wine Tasting or cocktail pounding – there is no judgement here
- Book Clubs – we’ll read to you and there are no deadlines
You will note the absence of a personal trainer – this is not a fat farm. Through the miracles of modern science, fat and unnecessary calories have been removed from our food and beverage, but you won’t taste the difference. Should you enjoy exercise, there are beautiful trails and a gym, but nobody cares if you go. This same science that removes fat and calories, ensures no hangovers from too much enjoyment of the pool bar.
Tell me about your dream funny farm. But beware, if you build it, I will come and stay a very long time!
Ahhh... Utopia
I’m Not in College Anymore
Why do I have to keep reminding myself that I am a 33-year-old mother of two?? Why does it only take a couple of cocktails for me to think I still have the energy and liver of a college girl? When will I learn the finer points of responsible drinking?
I spent yesterday recovering from an adult costume party on Saturday night. It was a fun evening. I didn’t lose my shoes, throw-up or embarrass myself, but I still had to recover yesterday. My synapses are still not firing correctly so I will try my best to sound intelligent coherent as I share some lessons learned:
- I made a pact that I would not do shots. I should have stuck to that pact
- Little shorts under my costume was my wisest move all night
- There’s a reason they’re called Kamikazes
- It is best not to meet new people when drinking, first impressions are tough if you can’t see clearly
- Water is more effective when you drink it, not simply carry it around
- Cameras should be banned after 10:00 pm
- Safety pins can be the difference between cute and dramatically inappropriate costumes
- Although you don’t feel the pain when someone steps on your foot with their high-heel at the moment, you will the next day
- Sparkly eye makeup causes eye-twitching the next day
- When attending a costume party, know that if a guy dressed as a sheriff has a patrol car, he might be legit
When was the last time you were reminded of your age?
Mother’s Gone Wild
Please do not be alarmed. You are not about to be subjected to thirtysomething mama’s flashing video cameras. But I have seen such an occurrence…
I am taking about working mothers on business trips or any mamas on a girls night out. It is amazing how you can take your typical suburban soccer mom, remove the kids, add alcohol and see the transformation. She goes from pony-tail, hoodie wearing mom to plunging neckline, trippin’ in her stilettos mama.
I had such an evening (minus the plunging neckline – it was a work event people!) this week while on a business trip. A few co-workers and I went out for drinks. I broke my two cocktail at a work function limit (okay, I more than doubled it…). I knew it was time to switch to water when I am in a photo booth with one of MY EMPLOYEES, hamming it up for the camera. After the photos we stop to each call our kids to say goodnight and then start researching karaoke bars… that’s when not only did I need water, but a taxi back to the hotel!
What makes moms (and dads) go from nose wiping angels to boozin’ babes? I will tell you: We live to close to the brink of insanity! When given a small break from parenting we digress. Not only do we shed some responsibility temporarily, we shed our ‘set the example’, ‘do the right thing’ personas. And guess what – it feels great! Well, actually it feels hazy and not as great the next morning, but still worth it!
Pictures have been omitted to protect the guilty!
10 Reasons Mommy Loves Wine
Mommy needs a glass...
This post is brought to you by Markham 2005 Petit Verdot
So some crazy lady posed as me and wrote a post about breaking up with wine a while back! Do not be alarmed, I have found said crazy person and contained her in a bottle with a good cork. To cabernet, I mean commemorate my love of wine (proven by the fact that I have drank it 10 times in the last two weeks) I want to share with all of you some of the many reasons why I love wine:
- All I have to do is un-cork a bottle to erase the longest of days.
- I don’t have to share it with my kids (unless I want them to sleep better).
- I feel sophisticated when I swirl it my glass (and I feel like a dumb-ass when it spills out).
- Wine goes good with my one true love: food. Yes, any food.
- Wine and chocolate. Period.
- Wine is complex, temperamental and will spoil if not cared for properly, just like me.
- The antioxidants in wine make me a better mom – it’s science people!
- Wine gets better with age, just like moms and children.
- Having a glass of wine to cope sounds more civilized than drinking rubbing alcohol.
- Wine doesn’t talk back, wet the bed or throw temper tantrums!
Cheers!
Cocktails and Passion, Hold the Books
Since the beginning of time, women have had diversions: bridge club, garden club, Bunko, book club, and the myriad of at-home parties – Stella and Dot, Pampered Chef, Cookie Lee, Southern Living – you get the idea. Let’s be honest: these are all excuses to get a few hours away from the kids, husbands, boyfriends, pets, whatever and enjoy some time with the girls.
These events are a time to catch up on each others’ lives, share parenting horror stories and exchange beauty tips, recipes and laughs. The theme, activity or reason for gathering is arbitrary, as long as we come together as women to blow off steam. I remember my shock the first time I attended book club, with my book in hand, to find that half of the women don’t read the book and we rarely discuss it. (I, being an avid reader, was slightly disappointed, but the second cocktail made me feel better.) In summary, our gatherings are the male equivalent of grabbing a beer after work (or so I suspect).
To my knowledge, all of these female gatherings include wine, cocktails or other appropriate alcohol (I’d go to Spanish Club if they served Sangria). Maybe that’s just my group of friends, but I remember my grandmother pulling out the terrifying jug of Chablis (that poured like maple syrup…) to offer with the iced tea for her bridge club. (Emily Post had nothing on those women who were steadfast enough to drink that with a polite smile). Depending on if the gathering is day or evening dictates how much consumption is socially acceptable. Occasionally, there is the added thrill of a gutsy gal exceeding the quota and being the entertainment for the evening.
This last Saturday night I attended a Passion Party. This is the pinnacle of the secret female gatherings. A consultant comes in to provide ideas and products to make life more interesting in the bedroom. *If you are conservative, stop reading, but may I remind you that if you’re a mom, you likely had sex to have a baby and if you’re not a mom, your parents likely had sex to have you – get over it!
Glad you’re still with me. But, lucky for you, the Grapefruit martinis make the evening just fuzzy enough not to articulate. (But I do believe we made the party consultant blush with our comments!) Therefore, if I am not going to provide details of the evening, why do I bring it up? Because it highlights all that is perfect about girls evenings. They are uninhibited, real and can bond perfect strangers. (I can now tell you – but I won’t – who has handcuffs in their homes and who is the most knowledgable about toys). As women, we openly discuss menstruation, children’s’ poop and weight; how is sex any more taboo? We are empowered to speak the alcohol induced truth and share our “wisdom”, humor and most embarrassing stories. We laugh so hard we understand the importance of Kegel’s.
After such an evening, we are rejuvenated – we have the smug smile of somebody holding a juicy secret and some of us anticipate the arrival of unmarked package, while dreading the visa bill. For me, I felt more romantical (it’s my favorite made up word) towards my husband and was more patient with my children. I feel closer to my girlfriends and somehow feel like a stronger woman in general.
So I am huge supporter of female gatherings and all the “secrets” shared there. I also like pages 6-9 of the summer catalog, but that’s another story…
Pay It Forward
Slightly Off-Balance 