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A Mother’s Take on Airport Security
I just returned from another business trip, I travel enough for work that I know some of the TSA agents better than my friends. I feel bad for many of them; it’s a hard, stressful job. If they screw up, bad things can happen. If they don’t screw up, bad things can still happen and they will be scrutinized and blamed. With all the recent press about pat downs and body scans, I became irritated. I question the effectiveness of some of these measures, but I appreciate that there is a group of people trying to keep us safe within the constraints of our justice system. I am going to spare you my diatribe on why we can’t fight terrorists when we play by different rules… I would rather be a little inconvenienced and live to bitch about it than be a victim. So let me provide a mother’s reality check on airport security:
- A pat down is nothing to me. I have kids pawing at me all day. I have had strangers watch me give birth. I have had lactation consultants man handle my lady lumps. You want to pat me down? Knock yourself out. I am sorry if you get peanut butter on your hands, my kids accosted me before I left for the airport.
- Body scanners are the least of my worries. I dodge Nerf bullets, have my feet taken out by moving furniture and am exposed to entirely too many loud noises. A little radiation sounds like a picnic. My lack of sleep is a much bigger threat to my health. As far as the modesty goes – see number one. And here’s a newsflash – my anatomy is the same as every other female. And right now that anatomy is intact, without bullet holes or damage from bombs.
- Don’t blame the agent. Being jerky to a TSA agent is like being a jerk to a kid. It’s not their fault. TSA agents just follow orders. Kids are just a product of their parents (which explains SO much about my children)! Let’s follow the Golden Rule people!
- An ounce of prevention… This is a common phrase to explain that being proactive is worth it. If one extra kid lives from wearing a bike helmet, it was worth it. If one extra terrorist is stopped by the scans and pat down, it was worth it.
- Being half dressed is normal. Many people complain about stripping off belts, shoes and coats. Mothers are having a good day if that is all they’re missing.
A final suggestion: Let my kids run airport security. Terrorists would take one look at my diabolical children and surrender!
What do you think about airport security?
Don't worry, it's a Nerf gun...
Seven Deadly Sins Challenge – Sloth
I have bragged through vanity, recovered from gluttony and had a blast with greed, so it’s time to move on to seven things I neglect to do. First I have to say that lately I feel like listing seven things I don’t neglect to do would be much simpler! Does anybody else feel like life is chaos right now? I feel like I am barely treading water and slightly (or majorly) behind on everything!
- Wash my hair. I really am lazy and sometimes I get up in the morning and have so much to do that washing my hair feels like a waste of time. I always take a shower… eventually…
- Mail greeting cards. I have cards, I think of people on certain occasions, but I can’t get them to the post office! Similarly, I have baby gifts for two people that have been sitting on my counter for weeks!
- Floss. At least I am honest.
- Exercise. I was on a roll, now I just look like one.
- Share pictures. I have taken so many great pictures of friends and their kids, someday they will get to see them.
- Clean out my closet. Ugh.
- Breathe. So today, I cut out early from work (I am on business travel), bought a cupcake and inhaled it.
What are you neglecting to do? Is it because you’re busy or the task is not appealing?
Maybe tomorrow...
10 Things to Do In My Lifetime
Yesterday was 10/10/10. It is a cool date and it was my husband’s birthday so it was a fun-filled weekend. I want to commemorate this auspicious date with my top ten wish list. I am currently working on a Mighty List that will be a life list of 100 things I want to do in my lifetime. But my current top 10 feels appropriate for yesterday. Narrowing it down to 10 was tough but here we go:
- Change the life (for the better) of someone close to me
- See a cure for cancer
- Renew my vows
- Get paid to write
- Sponsor a family in need at Christmas
- Inspire somebody to pursue their dreams
- Watch my children fulfill their dreams
- Give a large amount of money to a stranger on the street
- Give a speech to 10,000 or more people
- Travel the World
What’s your top 10?
I Have Slept in the Rain, I Am Not High Maintenance
- I don’t belive in manicures. (Although I have vastly different views on pedicures)
- If there is food involved I can be ready in under three minutes to walk out the door. (But you may not want to sit across from me)
- If you’re cooking, I will eat it, no questions asked.
- I drink beer, not just wine and cocktails. The Silver Bullet suits me just fine.
- I love hand-me-downs for my kids.
- My Nieman Marcus is Marshalls.
- Filet mignon and pizza are pretty much on the same level for me.
- Days, okay I won’t lie – weeks, go by without me doing my make-up or hair.
- If I don’t leave the house, I don’t dress up, or get dressed…
- I will camp. In a tent. In the rain. And have fun.
Just like the Four Seasons!
Instant Gratification
I am not going to lie – I am a big fan of instant gratification. Just call me Veruca in “Charlie in the Chocolate Factory” – I want it now! One of my friends calls it the Sod-It Syndrome. She can’t wait for grass to grow, she would rather have sod. I could provide endless examples of my impatience and you know how I love a good list. However, I will refrain this time… nah!
- I sometimes inadvertently get drunk trying to reach the happy buzz place to quickly
- I have turned myself orange more than once trying to achieve a dark spray on tan in 24 hours that usually takes a week
- I invent scheduling conflicts to get my performance reviews back from my manager earlier.
- I, like most Americans, have done my share of accumulating debt in college because I couldn’t wait for a time when I could afford shopping (or excessive drinking)
- I researched the earliest pregnancy test because one extra day of waiting was too much for me
The irony is that it drives me nuts when my kids can’t be patient. Seriously, good things are worth the wait little pumpkins! (And do as mommy says, not as mommy does!)
So are you a seed or a sod person?
Sunday Blues
A fabulous, fun-filled weekend is over and my family and I had to face reality today. I knew the dreaded Monday was coming. Mondays smack me in the face before they even start. I call it the Sunday Blues.
My Sunday Blues typically kick in about 5:00 pm every Sunday when I start worrying about what I need to do for work Monday morning and how busy the week is going to be. Yesterday the Sunday Blues kicked in early – at 2:00. Between my anniversary, my son’s first day of school and other fun stuff, I slacked a bit at work last week – okay, truthfully, I was the Ferris Bueller of the corporate world! So today I am paying the piper, trying to do dammage control. What did I blow off last week that I shouldn’t have? Whose waiting on me for a response? What important milestone did I not approve? What executive update did I fail to provide? I will be spending my morning catching up before it catches up to me.
In addition, my husband left for a business trip this morning, which means I will juggle getting the kids to school, working, homework, dinner, soccer practice, baths and back to school night by myself. Once the week gets going, I do just fine, because I am too busy to worry about it. But I can’t seem to avoid mourning the loss of our relaxed weekend time and dreading the stress of life as Sunday comes to a close.
However, in the spirit of trying to stay balanced – I will look for the positives. I will enjoy the 1:1 time with my kids. I will run the house by my rules. I will remind myself how independent and organized I can be. I will take up the whole king bed when I sleep! And then I will thank God when my husband comes home and rescues me from the brink of insanity!
I’d ask you to wish me luck, but there are single parents who deserve daily Hallmark cards. I have friends whose spouses travel every week. There are military families who juggle so much more. This is not a pity party, this is recognition of the challenge at hand. I am ultra competitive and will not let the Sunday Blues predict the outcome of this week!
As I began writing this post, I was feeling mopey and scattered, now Eye of the Tiger (I am not even a huge Rocky fan) is playing in my head and I am ready to get through it!
If all else fails, Plan B involves a bottle of wine and a babysitter!
I Will Not Shoot The Birds.. today
I have been quiet for a few days. I had high hopes for this week after I cancelled my business trip. I imagined a week where I got caught up on work, relaxed with my family, got re-acquainted with the gym and snuck in a cocktail with the girls. Clearly part of the problem was my expectations! I had put too much on my list for a week where the reality is I have performance reviews to write, a tough deal to try to close and normal life chaos. Then I got a cold.
I realize that a little cough is no big deal. But have you ever noticed how when you feel crappy, your perspective on life can get crappy. I think this is some sort of cold/flu because I have had a pounding headache and body aches too. I feel like I went slam dancing all night, then did a sunrise bungee jump, then got hit by a truck! Okay, maybe there’s no flu, maybe it’s because I have sat at my desk working long hours when I really just wanted to call in sick. I thought about it; fantasized about taking a sick day, watching movies in bed, reading and sleeping. Sounds like heaven right? But life doesn’t stop for a cold. The kids still tackle me like little linebackers, scream at the top of their lungs and want me to do normal mom stuff. Work is even less understanding. Don’t get me wrong, my boss would understand, but the to-do list would remain.
I was really driving the pity party bus this morning. My son came in my office and asked me to play with him. In a whining voice I hate to admit I possess, I said “Mommy is working, mommy HAS to work.” My son replied with “that’s no fun”. Thanks for the news flash! I was spinning on the thoughts of ‘wouldn’t I love to enjoy the summer days with my kids, escape the stress of work, not sit at my desk until I feel like a stiff old lady’. Of course!
Then I made a CHOICE to stop the pity party. I found a 30 minute break in my conference call schedule, grabbed my shoes and went for a walk. I cranked my i-pod and soaked up the sunshine. I reminded myself how fortunate I am that I work from home, have healthy, wonderful children, a great husband and amazing friends. I have a saying that I use when one of my friends is having a bad day: “The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, so I shot them” (Relax, it’s a metaphor, no need to call PETA). Meaning, sometimes we just want to wallow in a bad day until we’re ready to be optimists again. Well, the sun IS shining and the birds are safe for today!
This is a great reminder, that I can influence balance in my life, I can choose my perspective and how I react to the normal events in life. I can let the birds live and enjoy their singing – it drowns out my cough!
Can I Shower with You?
Sometimes the simplest things in life can cause the most chaos. For me it was my morning shower. Okay, I am lying, my mid-morning shower. I had to squeeze in a quick rinse off between conference calls as usual.
Whoever did the plumbing on my house was abusing his vices, aka was on drugs! The faucets in our showers our reversed (if it says hot, it’s cold). Our master shower does not heat up unless you turn on the bathtub hot water first. None of these problems are new, just something we have learned to live with, until my kids got involved…
The hot and cold labels on our bathtub faucet handles fall off, and I am constantly putting them back on. – It’s on the honey-do (or should I say, honey-pay-someone-to-do list), but that’s a whole separate blog post. apparently my kids think these faucet labels are fun toys…
At 9:50 this morning I go running into my bathroom to rinse off before my 10:00 conference call. I turn on the hot water in the bathtub and wait for it to warm up – once it warms up, I can turn on the shower… I wait and it’s still cold, I am watching the clock tick towards 10 and still nothing. I finally think, which one is really the hot… I have to call my husband and ask him which faucet is the hot (because of course he knows without the labels, and I never pay attention to these things). He confirms that my little angels have switched the labels.
It is now 9:55, I switch the labels, turn on the hot water in the bath, wait for it to warm up then wait for my shower to warm up. I set yet another world record for showering and shaving and make my call by 10:02. Females really need more time to get ready than this!
These are the little things that contribute to my chaos. Thank God I work from home and don’t use video conferencing. I am may be mostly clean, but I look more like the plumber!
Big Confession
Are you ready…
I have a psychic.
I have never believed in these things until a dear friend referred me to this psychic. I have spoken to her twice in the last 4 years and she predicted my daughter’s birth down to a description of her and her personality. She predicted my friend’s twins and other things that one could not be vague enough to guess. She’s the real deal. It drives my husband insane – an admitted side benefit 😉 but even he knows she hasn’t been wrong.
I share this because I am a little intuitive (or just another symptom of the craziness) and I feel like something really exciting is brewing in my life and I want my psychic to give me details. I was always the kid that tried to find or guess my presents and if I feel like something good is going to happen, I want to know already!!
So why haven’t I called? I am trying to practice patience and live in the now. I get very focused on goals and the future and am training myself to not miss the present. This is part of balance for me. Live in the present, enjoy my friends and family more and appreciate my blessed life. Instead of working after dinner tonight, like I always do, I built Lincoln Logs (and knocked them down!) with my kids. I skipped a meeting to have lunch with a friend this week – it felt great! I am taking a day off next week to take my kids to visit their godmother/my childhood friend that I don’t see as much as I’d like to. I am not abandoning my job, but I am putting more emphasis on the things that really matter. When I look back in 20 years am I going to remember the deal I closed or the cherished time with loved ones? This also means whatever good thing is coming will get here when it’s time and I will love what’s here now.
For those that know me well, there is a distinct possibility that I will blog about a call with my psychic next week, but I am trying and will be honest if my inner child wins…
Being Self-Critical
I was chatting with a friend today and she was telling me her fear that someday someone will discover she is all smoke and mirrors. She was doubting her abilities in her profession. The irony is that this woman is amazing! She is top of her game in her career and is one of my personal role models. She is incredibly smart, without being a know-it-all.
How could a woman like that doubt herself?
One answer is that part of her success can be attributed to being self-critical. Most self-critical people I know, including myself, strive for improvement and never over-state our results. This becomes a bigger pitfall if you compare yourself to someone who oversells their accomplishments – it becomes easy to doubt our level of success.
We also hold ourselves to a higher standard that we hold others. I look at some of my friends and am in awe of all that they do and am surprised when they say the same thing about me. We lovingly give our friends slack, why not do it for ourselves?
My lesson here is that if you’re going to be self-critical, you need to balance that with a healthy dose of self-appreciation!
Pay It Forward
Slightly Off-Balance 
