Home > Humor, Lists, Love, Relationships > 10 Rules of Slightly Off-Balance Me

10 Rules of Slightly Off-Balance Me

I am currently reading Bitter Is The New Black by Jen Lancaster.  In her book, she has the “Jen Commandments” that basically give her boyfriend Fletch some guidelines he must adhere to.  Hilarious!  They inspired me to write my commandments.  I am sure my husband has already figured these out, but a few might be universal – please check with your significant other!

  1. Skin care, hair care and supplements are not luxuries, they are necessities – I plan to grow old gracefully.  Well, at least look graceful.
  2. If opening a bottle of wine, save the cheap stuff for someone else.  I may have broken up with wine, but we still each other, and I want our reunions to be special.
  3. I like to cook but I do not want to be expected to do it on a regular basis.
  4. I have mowed a lawn once.  Period.
  5. I am a HUGE over-communicator (I know you’re shocked), failure to communicate back to me will be taken as a sign of hostility.
  6. When faced with a situation I don’t know how to handle (like turning off a quad), I will throw my hands up in the air and say”What do I do?” Come running.
  7. Never leave the house without a hug and kiss goodbye.  However, if one of us has not brushed our teeth, stick to the cheek please.
  8. That reminds me, morning breath is a huge inhibitor to morning sex.
  9. I like to pretend I am handy and love to have a reason to carry around the Makita (I say that word over and over), please don’t burst my bubble.
  10. I am fine with guy humor and fraternity house talk, but the toilet seat must be down.

Wow, 10 went fast and I have more to say.  This might be the first installment of the rule book…  I realize I may sound high maintenance, I prefer to tell my husband I am a delicate orchid, that when properly cared for provides endless beauty and enjoyment.  (Then we both laugh hysterically.) 

What are your rules?

I look handy just carrying it around!

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  1. Kelly Hay
    September 1, 2010 at 7:12 am

    Glad to have come across this post … it’s hilarious! Ya know, I keep stumbling across posts that mention this book – I’m gonna have to read it myself and make my own Kelly commandments!

  2. September 1, 2010 at 7:49 am

    Great book and great post. I love every Jen Lancaster book. They keep getting better.

    I don’t think I could limit my list to 10.

  3. September 1, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    Another bouncer! great post. hmm. I dont think I can make them as clean as yours 🙂

  1. September 2, 2010 at 7:20 am

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