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How To Choose a Superbowl 5K
My friend and I have decided to do a few races this year and think about training for a half-marathon. I am trying to get rid of the 12 pounds of Christmas. And we’re both trying to get back to a place where we can eat and drink without guilt.
Our first race is going to be Superbowl Sunday. We had two races to choose from. Here is our decision-making process utilizing my scientific, health-focused, methodology:
Me: “Okay there’s one 10 minutes from you and one 10 minutes from me. Which one should we do?”
Her: “Didn’t you say the one by me had tailgate food afterwards?”
Me: “Ooh, yes, good point. Tailgate food afterwards is a must. Okay, I checked they both have tailgate food afterwards and beer. Maybe we should look at elevations. I don’t do hills.”
Her: “Oh yeah, flatter is better.”
Me: “Okay, they both look about the same for elevation. But the one by you does football jersey style shirts and the one by me does Hanes Beefy Tees – ugh.”
Her: “Oh, the beefy tees, always attractive. What’s the cost of each?”
Me: “Ding, ding, we have a winner. The one by you is $60, the one by me is $25.”
After emailing some other friends with our decision, a wise girl pointed out there is a great dive bar by the cheaper race too.
In summary:
- Post race food and beer
- Flat course
- Cheap fees
- Dive bar
We are true athletes!
What I’ll Miss When My Kids Grow Up
I was exhausted last night. I did another marathon post-bedtime poop party with my daughter. I swear she poops at will and her will is AFTER I have put her to bed. She pulls the poop card to get out of bed and hang out. She sits on the potty for 30 minutes and somehow pulls poop out of her ass little touchy literally and figuratively. It doesn’t matter if she has pooped twice already during the day. Come 8:30 pm, she waltzes in for her poop party. Did I mention she likes me to hold her hands to help “push the big poop out”. (I know, I am a sucker). So I sit, on the bathroom floor, holding my daughter’s hands while she talks to me, gets me to sing “There’s a Whole In My Bucket” and pushes out the poop.
Last night nearly killed me. I was tired, had a horrible headache and today is the first day back to work and school. As I sat there fuming, she bent over and kissed my forehead. In that moment, I pulled it together and reminded myself that despite the trials of parenthood, there are some amazing parts too.
I am writing myself a list of the things I will miss when my kids are all grown up, so that I don’t take these precious moments for granted. It is my intent to refer to this list when I am tempted to daydream about fast-forwarding to the part where they are grown up and out of the house.
Here’s a start:
- Falling asleep cuddled up with them
- Waking up to kisses on my nose
- Receiving hugs that nearly knock me over
- Spontaneous and surprise art projects
- Hearing the giggles from the other room when they are playing well together
- Hearing them running through the hall to come see me when they get home from school
- “I love you Mommy”
- “Mommy, will you snuggle me?”
- Watching their excitement at Christmas
- Seeing them accomplish a goal for the first time – waterskiing, a soccer goal, a somersault
- Seeing their eyes light up when something delights them
- Cute mispronunciation of words
- Eskimo kisses
- Butterfly kisses
Clearly, this list could go on forever. Just starting this list has put me back in my zen mommy place. It’s only breakfast, so who knows how long it will last, but I can always work on this list some more if when they dump their cereal on the floor.
What will you miss?
12 Steps to a “Mature” New Years Eve
I am recovering from my exhibition of class and maturity. Here are the twelve steps for a mature and dignified New Years Eve celebration:
- Get a babysitter. I am a responsible parent. Usually…
- Dress up – we looked classy and mature
- Go to a burger joint – we were overdressed, but the food is yummy
- Play college drinking games like Circle of Death (our rules are slightly different, but you get the idea)
- Pull the fourth king (yep, lucky me) and pound a cup of champagne, Chambord, Jack Daniels and Diet Coke. Ugh!
- Have a hula-hooping contest. No, I am not kidding.
- Liberate the kids superhero masks and take pictures.
- Decide the anonymity of the masks is perfect for toilet-papering and choose a
victimlucky recipient. Our choices were the family who just had a baby and bought a new car or the couple who left our soiree early. (We only attack people we know. It’s a sign of friendship.) We chose the neighbors who left early. That’ll teach ’em… - Convince the sober driver (yes, we had one) our idea was a good one.
- Go to my house to steal toilet paper. I snuck in thru the garage so as not to
wakethe kidstip off my husband who had left the party fifteen minutes earlier and had told me not to go TP’ing…). - Toilet paper the neighbor’s house while wearing superhero masks and take pictures.
- Regret our decisions this morning when it was pouring down rain…
Needless, to say, I had to make an apology call today, after getting up with the kids at 7:00 am.
I know what you’re thinking. You think that I make this stuff up, that I couldn’t really be this immature.
Think again.
Happy New Years!
Would you like to be my neighbor?
New Years Un-Resolutions
AHHHHHHH!!!
I feel better now. Wait…
AHHHHHH!!!
Okay, all better now.
Why all the screaming you ask? (If you didn’t ask, just humor me.)
Well, you see, today is New Years Eve and you know what that means…
No, not drunken debacles. Well, yes, there may be those, but that didn’t make me scream. At least not yet.
I am screaming because the mere thought of making a New Years Resolution stresses me out! Seriously, if I haven’t been able to accomplish as task as of now, why is a specific date going to make it any easier?! It’s not. It’s just going to add pressure.
I will be sitting at dinner with a few friends tonight and we will be talking about what to give up. Yes, I am aware resolutions don’t have to be about giving things up. They can be about starting things like going to the gym, taking more time for ourselves, blah blah blah. Our group tends to focus on the what can we give up to be healthier. Aka, what vice can we give up to make more room for other vices. I call this phenomenon the vice exchange and have done scientific studies and experiments on the topic. Go ahead, click the link to learn about the vice exchange, I’ll wait right here.
Welcome back. Back to giving stuff up – We have one gentlemen in our social circle who gave up chips one year, crazy bastard – (you know you were thinking it too!) He made it the whole 365 days and then went two more months just because. (Insert more name calling here.) So the next year we all decided to give something up. I know, I know – if your friend jumps off a cliff… Anyways, I gave up ice cream. As you know, I am a sweets-aholic. But I figured if I could keep cake, cookies, candy, etc I would be ok. The first few months went great. Yep, I was a superstar for not eating ice cream IN THE WINTER! But the minute the weather warmed up, my will power cooled down. I ate ice cream in April. Nope, I didn’t even make it until a heat wave when it may have been medically necessary to consume frozen dairy products.
This was two years ago and I haven’t made a resolution since. As you may have read, I have given things up for bets and I give things up for Lent, but a whole year of not doing something, or starting something for that matter? SCARY!
So my resolution is not to make a resolution. Resolutions don’t allow for balance in the normal chaos of life and I am all about balance. I prefer, rather, to be “mindful” of certain things. So here is my (da da da da – that’s trumpets):
2011 Mindful List:
- Be real. I swear in real life. Not around children or relatives, but with friends. I approach this blog as if chatting with my friends, so may see more frequent swearing (like calling my chip-quitting neighbor a bastard). Swearing is the real me. Also included in the real me is inappropriate humor (I will use a filter though – you’re welcome), bouts of craziness (you may have already suspected this one) and a severe case of ADD.
- Judge myself by the same bar as I judge others. I am tougher on myself than others, so I am going to give myself a break and be more accepting of me, the way I am accepting of my crazy (not a judgment, but rather a compliment) friends.
- Drinking water. It reduces headaches, helps chapped lips, promotes clear skin and can prevent or reduce hangovers. Water is my new BFF. But Captain is still my boyfriend.
- Exercise is not the enemy. I feel better after a good workout. I can eat more sweets and still fit into my clothes. I can visit with my friends while working out. I can waterski and wakeboard without severe injury. I’ll be mindful of the benefits of kicking my own ass.
- Sweets are like house guests – they are better in small doses.
- Instant gratification is not always the best option. I am not sure I belive this, but I will be mindful of it (or be reminded of it when my credit card statement comes).
Well, I think my list is already too long for me. So let’s talk about you.
What are you going to be mindful of in 2011?
I’ll get you started:
- Paige LOVES comments on her blog. Something as quick as “so true” makes me smile and I love people who are wittier than me. There seems to be a lot of folks in this category… hmm…
Results of the Blonde Ambition Tour
I set some lofty goals for this holiday season. I knew you have been unable to sleep at night wondering how much I pulled off. (A bottle of wine equals a sleeping pill, just a suggestion).
Well, let’s score my results – red means I failed, green means I passed:
- Make it to the gym at least four days each week to counteract the 12 Pounds of Christmas FAIL – I have been twice since December 20th. But does it count that I ate and drank even more than I had planned on? I think so.
- Clean-out my closet. Thanks to my husband’s gifts, I did this even more thoroughly than planned.
- Help my kids with their charity donations. My kids are awesome, they filled three large trash bags and got rid of enough bath toys to make me actually want to bathe in my own tub!
- Clean-out my husband’s office – It’s the embarrassing catch-all room and it looks like somebody threw up a recycling bin in there. It looks better, we found the bed and floor, removed all signs of Christmas wrapping and cleaned out two years worth of the kids are projects.
- Have at least three playdates for the kids and three “mommy playdates”. I am really an overachiever in this area! I had multiple mommy play dates! Oh yeah and the kids played with some friends too.
- Upload pictures to Facebook and make discs for people. Ha ha ha. Not going to happen. One of my friends saw this post and asked for a disc. She knows better now.
- Visit family and friends 3 hours away, 1 hour away and 30 minutes away. Fail. Other than my husband’s grandparents, we never left the neighborhood.
- Host Christmas dinner. I set a beautiful table, my husband made an amazing meal and we bought a decadent dessert. But I do have some yummy new recipes to try out… some other time.
- Take down already dead tree and Christmas decorations on December 26th. Buh-bye Christmas! Not a shred of holiday cheer left in sight. (But there is still plenty of cheer in the liquor cabinet!)
And now I would like a nap.
And some Tums.
My Husband is Trying to Upgrade Me
We have survived Christmas! Despite the state of affairs in my house on the morning of Christmas Eve (if you didn’t read this post, please do, it’s one of my favorites), we had a lovely holiday. The food was delicious, the wine was effective and all the toys had off switches.
Christmas morning was an overwhelming display of consumerism over-indulgence normal chaos for our house. Last year, we got the kids a Wii and my daughter a play kitchen so there were fewer presents, but they were big-ticket items. This year, none of us had any big tickets items on our Christmas lists, so Christmas morning looked like this:
This is just the present for my kids, my husband and myself. I am sure there is a support group somewhere my husband can join. Yes, he does more shopping than I do at Christmas, but I make up for it the rest of the year!
As I opened the gifts from my husband, a clear message was delivered: Despite how comfortable they are, my husband is not happy with my lingerie and loungewear old cotton underwear and ratty pajamas (except for the cute pair from the pajama exchange). As I opened box after box, he instructed me to throw out everything else. He also got me two new pairs of shoes, a new purse and new running shoes. There is no doubt in my mind, this was his cry for help. He wants me to step it up and look more like the wife I have the potential to will never be. Fortunately, he is realistic, it was not all lace thongs and teddys. He gave me some cute flannel pants and new full-butt underwear. (Judge me if you want, but I like both my buns covered when I sleep). His present were balanced. I can get dressed up and look great presentable a few times per week, but I am not the woman who is perfectly put together everyday. This would be impossible considering I do not even get dressed every day.
The gifts of course forced me to clean out my closet and drawers. Which leads me to the update: How did my Blonde Ambition Holiday Tour go? You’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out. It’s 4:15 and I have a pie in the oven (from a box), cocktails to drink (never from a box, well almost never…) and a dinner party to attend. Really, our friends are frying a turkey tonight. Because ’tis the season of over-indulgence and I hope I have made it clear – I am a huge fan of over-indulgence!
The (Off-Balance) Day Before Christmas
Another Great Gift: Beer Bike
I am really proud of my community service here: I am not only providing some great gift ideas, I am also encouraging physical fitness. I give you the Beer Bike.
Credit to GCV for the find!
BEST Christmas Gift Idea: Shotski
I was out for yet another holiday event last night – don’t try this at home kids, I am a professional. I went out for sushi and drinks with some girlfriends. There are many highlights, but I think I can sum it all up with my friend’s gift idea: the Shotski. It’s ecofriendly (if you find a ski in a dumpster), cheap and unique.
Do you hate when one person drinks their shot before everyone else? Do you have a friend who nurses their shot? Do you know someone who has everything? The Shotski is for you.
What’s your go-to gift this season?
Blonde Ambition Holiday Tour
Before you all get too excited, no, Madonna is not doing a holiday show.
The Blonde Ambition Holiday Tour is my plan for the next two weeks. My plan is to make the most of it being quiet at work, as well as having the kids home, in order to start the new year caught up, cleaned up and with some good habits. It is the Blonde Ambition tour because I am blonde (thanks to my stylist Yvette) and it’s one hell of an ambitious list.
In order to organize my efforts, I am separating the list into work and home. I am officially working this week and next week, but next week will be even quieter than this one. So I plan to focus on work this week and home next week. The work list is boring, so I won’t share it, but it sounds something like presentation blah blah blah email blah blah blah hire someone blah blah blah.
Home List (brace yourself):
- Make it to the gym at least four days each week to counteract the 12 Pounds of Christmas
- Clean-out my closet and give to charity – there are some clothes in there that would be better suited for an elf.
- Help my kids with their charity donations. Before their birthdays and Christmas I make my kids go through their toys and each fill a minimum of a 12 gallon trash bag with toys for charity. I explain that they have to give to others in order to receive. It’s a great lesson on helping those less fortunate AND it keeps my home from turning into residential Toys R Us. (When I got to bed at night, I don’t like any toys in plain sight).
- Clean-out my husband’s office – This is frightening. There is paperwork, empty router boxes and my kids’ school work from the last two years in there. It’s the embarrassing catch-all room and unfortunately it is in the same hall as the guest bathroom, so we need to make it look less like somebody threw up a recycling bin in there.
- Have at least three playdates for the kids and three “mommy playdates”.
- Upload pictures to Facebook and make discs for people.
- Visit family and friends 3 hours away, 1 hour away and 30 minutes away.
- Host Christmas dinner. I need a really good dessert recipe that will feed 10 – any ideas?
- Take down already dead tree and Christmas decorations on December 26th.
STOP LAUGHING! If you think it’s funny or even ludicrous to come up with this list of things to do during the holidays, aside from surviving the holidays, I agree. But when else can I get it done? I miss my friends and family, my kids have spent a lot of time at home with each other and organization and tidiness makes me swoon. Yes, I want to try for supermom despite repeated reminders from the universe that I crash after a couple of days of trying to do it all. But yet I keep trying. Why? Because I’m a fighter? My meds aren’t right? I am a glutton for punishment? I don’t know, but I am headed straight for completely off-balance in pursuit of balance.
It’s Monday at 12:30 pm, how am I doing so far?
- I took an hour-long beating in one of those circuit classes today. I should have known I was screwed when the warm-up was a mile run. (For those that don’t know me, I am not an athlete. For those that know me, you know that is an understatement).
- My son currently has a playdate and I am taking my daughter to a kids party this afternoon.
- I am going out for dinner with the girls tonight.
- I have a load of laundry in the washer – it should be in the dryer, but one thing at a time.
I am off to a good start. Now you may be thinking, this is boring, we don’t want to hear about all the good stuff you’re getting done. But trust me, when I fall on stage (we’re going back to the Madonna analogy), I do it with a bang!
Stay tuned for the pyrotechnics!
Pay It Forward
Slightly Off-Balance 
