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Un-Crafty Family Meets Green Potato
My son had a school assignment to take a regular russet potato and dress it up as a character for a story he would write in class. There was also going to be a prize for the best potato. There’s a few things you should know up front:
- I am not crafty.
- My husband is not crafty.
- We’re both competitive.
- We started Sunday and it was due Monday.
We had the flier for the assignment in plain view all week, but just had not gotten around to it. Sunday morning the pressure was on to deliver a potato character by Monday. We agreed that my husband would take the kids to Target to buy supplies while I went to the gym.
After my workout, I texted my husband to let him know I was on my way home and he called right back asking if I had my wallet. I always have my wallet and my husband always forgets his… True to form, he had forgotten his wallet and had no way to pay for the $36 in potato character supplies the Target cashier had just rung up. Target is next to the gym, so I swung by and rescued the supplies.
My son had decided that he wanted to make a leprechaun. My son LOVES St. Patrick’s Day. He is in the design phase of this year’s leprechaun trap…
Once bringing home the hostages supplies, my son announced we would paint the potatoes green. Remember – my husband and I are neat freaks… So we proceed to cover the whole kids table with paper bags and newspapers. We rolled up the kids sleeves and carefully doled out the green paint and brushes.
My wild child daughter had green paint on her, her clothes, the chair and the “covered” table in less than a minute. I braced for my husband’s frustration with the mess, but he uncharacteristically laughed. He had the foresight to buy washable paint! (I mean pick out, since he did not have the foresight to bring his wallet.) This mess quickly spread to my granite counters and me. But again washable, so we decided to live on the edge.
Next the potato needed limbs. My husband suggested straws and I thought about toothpicks as anchors. I whipped out my hot glue gun.
I must pause here – I only own a hot glue gun because I have pipe cleaner dreams of being crafty. I think my neighbor has used it more than me, but HA, I now had a project for my glue gun.
Um, plastic straws melt when they meet hot glue.
My son thought melting Mr. Potatoes arms was hilarious, but my husband rescued the idea by suggesting I apply the glue to the toothpick and waiting a second before placing the straws on the toothpicks. I said I had a glue gun, I didn’t say I knew how to use it.
Next came wardrobe – my department. We had bought a hat and fake mustache that truly must have been marketed with potatoes in mind… weird?? My son and I then fashioned a coat (more like poncho) out of a half of bandana and glue-gunned it in place – I was feeling very crafty at that point.
During this time, my daughter has helped herself to a bottle of purple paint and a container of googly-eyes – with my husband and I one foot away. Apparently this craftiness took all of our energy. So my husband helped the diva, while my son drew and cut our construction paper boots and hands, that I glue-gunned on. (Yes, I am going to continue to yap about the glue gun).
The piece-de-resistance was the pot of gold. We took mini caldrons from our Halloween decorations and filled them with glass beads that you would use in floral arrangements (another thing I have a few materials, but no skill for). We borrowed gold spray paint from a neighbor and voila: The potato leprechaun had his pot o’ gold.
I am pleased to introduce you to Lucky:
A close up on the gold:
And what about my daughter’s potato? Well… she’s three and had many “design-changes” mid-project. I tried my best not to take over and make her a cute potato lass. True to her artistic direction, we ended up with “Potato Ghost Goldilocks Leprechaun”:
This turned out to be a fun-filled, kitchen-wrecking, heart-warming, glue-gun wielding, family bonding experience. This was more fun than carving pumpkins and everybody contributed to the finished product. As long as there is washable paint, our family may continue to do Sunday craft projects until I accidentally glue the kids together!
I Hit The Mommy Wall
I must warn you that I am going to do what my serious writer friends call a stream of consciousness. So if you’re not in the mood to hear the anger, frustration and sadness of a mother, wait for my next post.
My husband is on business travel. When I am single-momming it, I run a tight schedule to avoid melt downs as much as possible. By 6:30 my kids were bathed and my son was finished with his dinner. My three-year old daughter was still fighting me on eating. Now I know what you might say, don’t have battles over food, they will eat when they’re hungry. Unfortunately, for my daughter that is bedtime. If she doesn’t finish her dinner, she waits until after I put her to bed and starts the “I want a snack”. If I say no, reminding her that she didn’t eat her dinner, I feel guilty that I am “starving” her and she throws a horrific temper tantrum, thus waking up her brother who has to get up for school.
So tonight, I insisted she eat most of her dinner. It took an hour. I was exhausted, frustrated and irritated. I finally gave up when she had finished what would normally be enough, but I reminded her that if she didn’t finish her dinner there would be no snacks.
Fast forward to bed time. My son went down fairly easy, as he is always does. My daughter wanted to read me a book instead of me reading to her. Yes, I know I should think it is adorable and creative of her, but I am tired. I am still adjusting to the time change and have hours of work to do. We finally get through books and I turn the lights out. I go in the kitchen to get everything laid out for morning lunches, ensure we have the right library books to send back and change the laundry. I then hear the not-so-delightful pitter patter of my adorable hellions feet. She is hungry and wants a snack. Of course. I remind her of the rule and that she didn’t finish her dinner and tell her to go back to bed.
She throws herself down and starts the temper tantrum. My daughter is the queen emperess of tantrums. She has been known to go 90 minutes straight. Ironically, I am often the one who can calm her down, without giving in. I am usually the one who remains calm and acts like an adult. Usually… I pick her up (with an incredibly sore back) and take her to her room. I tell her if she keeps up the screaming, I will take a toy out of her room. My son (whose bedroom is only a bathroom away from his sisters) comes out crying because she woke him up. I tell him to go back to bed (with not enough sympathy).
This goes on until my son has been up five times and my family room is a fully stocked store of confiscated toys. At this point my daughter has continued to come out of her room (we don’t have locks on our doors) and have her temper tantrum in the hallway. I don’t want to give into her, because it sends the wrong message, but I also want my poor son to get some sleep. I feel trapped and torn between being the consistent mom and being fair to my son.
I hit the mommy wall where I am exasperated and don’t know what to do next. I threaten to spank her, even though I don’t think it is a useful tool with my kids. It may be right for some kids, but it’s not right for me or my kids. That being said, I have done it less than a handful of times when I have hit the mommy wall. In my mind this makes it worse. I am using spanking when I can’t think of a more constructive option.
My daughter is now kicking the floor and screaming, my son is up again. I want to scream, cry and run away. I consider calling my neighbor for moral support, but remind myself these are my kids and my job. I think about calling my husband, but he’s in a different time zone and needs his rest. I am so angry, I am standing there with clenched teeth. I tell her, “this is your last warning, go in your room or I will spank you!” (Yes, I am yelling 5 feet from my son’s door). She kicks the wall so I spank her.
Now, my daughter has on a diaper. But she still says ow. I have mentioned before she is an actress. I am quite sure she is more stunned than anything, but I still feel lousy and now she’s screaming even louder. Clearly that is my punishment for resorting to spanking. I walk into my room and ignore her. I am so angry, so sad and so frustrated that I feel like separating us will be the only way to defuse the situation. She follows me in screaming and I tell her, “Mommy is so mad right now. You need to go in your room. I do not want to see you right now.” She doesn’t budge and moves closer, now kicking the chair I am sitting in. I turn towards her, “What do you want?! Go in your room!” Through her screams she tells me she wants me to snuggle her. This sentence diffuses the rage, but I don’t think its appropriate to just switch to lovey dovey mommy. I explain that she has to stop crying, get in bed and no more screaming if she wants me to come in.
She does what I ask and I lay down in her bed. She instantly cuddles up to me. I feel like a monster. I am the adult, I handled a tough situation poorly and she just wants the assurance that her mommy loves her. Rage is gone. Sadness and disappointment in myself enter. I am a smart, level-headed woman. I read parenting books, I have the nickname of hostage negotiator because I use my words to diffuse situations, but tonight I failed as a mommy. I allowed myself to hit the wall. Or, as I prefer to think of it, the wall came up and smacked me.
As I calmed down, I tried to think about what I could have done differently. I still didn’t know what would have been a better solution to my daughter asking for the snack and her subsequent temper tantrum. The only idea I had was to re-heat the left-overs and tell her she could eat her dinner or nothing, but I really don’t think she was hungry, she had a healthy well-balanced meal. Yes, I feel the need to share that to compensate for being a lousy mom tonight, so pat me on the back – I fed my kids baked chicken, brocoli and brown rice pasta before I turned into psycho-mommy.
The worst part is, I feel like I only hit the wall when my husband is traveling. Does that mean I am not capable of being a parent on my own? I hope it means that when we’re both home, we can call for reinforcements when one of us is at our boiling point. I have friends who are single moms and friends whose husbands travel every week. They have a better resistance to the mommy wall.
The best I can do is start over tomorrow, but tonight, I will go to sleep wishing I had done it differently. But before I try to sleep, I will go kiss both of kids one more time, because I love them and that’s why being the best parent I can be matters.
New Toy Riddle
Can you solve the riddle of my new toy?
Don’t cheat! Read in order, don’t scroll down until instructed to do so! HEY! I saw you reach for that mouse! Play fair!
A new toy has arrived at my house.
I wanted it very much, but am frustrated by its presence.
Most people do not have one, or if they do, I am not aware of it.
A friend of mine recommended it after a night of drinking.
This type of toy typically brings me endless joy, whether I use it by myself or with my husband.
It is instrumental in unlocking one of my passions.
It is long, black and rechargeable.
This toy is not for children.
Do you know what it is?
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Almost there…
It’s our new electric wine opener.
And I will be much more excited about it after Lent is over!
Re-Pay It Forward
Do you ever have those moments in life that you wish you could do over and be a better you? Here’s one of mine:
My cousin, Lisa, is like a sister to me. I love her so much my heart wants to explode. So naturally, when she was in labor I had to be there to support her. I was stuck at work all day and couldn’t leave for the hospital when I first got the call. When I got off work, before I started the 45 minute drive to her hospital, I stopped at the grocery store to get her flowers. I was excited, I was nervous and I was in a hurry!!
As I stood in line to checkout, the woman in front of me had 4 cans of green beans, but there was something wrong with her form of payment. They had to go get a manager, it took ‘forever’. I am ashamed to say I was rolling my eyes and tapping my foot with impatience.
As she finished her transaction and walked away, I realized the problem was with her food stamps card. I will never forget how horrible I felt. Had I not been so absorbed in my life, and realized what was going on, I would have gladly paid for her green beans to expedite things or… I could have just been more patient. That woman will never know that I wasn’t rolling my eyes at the form of payment and I can never make up my rudeness to her (something I will never forget).
But there is still a lesson to be learned and a way to create something positive out of my negative behavior. I use that day to re-pay it forward. You have likely heard of paying it forward, buying the next person’s coffee, paying the next driver’s toll fees. I love those gestures, but also practice small acts of patience and kindness with strangers. I need to make amends to a stranger for being rude, so I make sure to treat other strangers better.
- I wait patiently when someone is trying to park their car next to mine (it’s a big SUV and seems to intimidate people).
- I pull the lever so the next person has a paper towel in the airport restroom.
- I help people get their baggage up to the ticket counter.
- Helping people who are lost (directionally – if they are lost in their lives, I probably would only hurt the situation).
- Holding the elevator doors when you know the person is just around the corner even though you can’t see them and can get away with letting the doors close.
Since I can’t ever apologize to that woman in the grocery store, I try to pass on other goodness that I hope will come back to her.
I also know there will be other moments when I am distracted, stressed or simply not being the best Paige I can be, so I re-pay it forward for those moments too.
How do you show kindness to strangers?
Wine Wednesday – 2008 Cakebread Pinot Noir
I am sitting here drinking this delightful Pinot Noir on Fat Tuesday before I give up wine for Lent. A couple of thoughts come to mind – why am I giving up wine? And if I am, I had better drink something good tonight. The Cakebread Pinot did not disappoint. In fact, I have never met a disappointing Cakebread wine, have you?
2008 Cakebread Cellars Carneros Napa Valley Pinot Noir
Alcohol Content: 14.7%
Price: $49.00
Description per label: We craft this complex, aromatic Pinot Noir from multiple, high quality clones grown in several outstanding vineyards in the Carneros district of southern Napa Valley, a cool-climate region renowned for its peerless Pinots. In 2008, spring frosts in Carneros reduced yields, concentrating flavors in our Pinot Noir grapes. Vinified exclusively from free-run juice and aged 15 months in French oak barrels, our 2008 Carneros Pinot Noir boasts vivid black cherry, blueberry and rose petal aromas. Its succulent cherry, plum and red berry flavors are lifted by fresh acidity and fine, supple tannins.
Review:
I first discovered Cakebread before I had children. It was an idyllic point in my life when I had an income, without the financial (but worthwhile) drain of children. I drank good wine, ate in great restaurants and had wild adventures. This Pinot Noir took me back to that time of civility and excitement, it is the perfect balance of spicy and smooth. The wine leads with a smooth and supple blend of dark cherry flavors. It reminds me of my organized, serene life before my priceless children. The finish is brings the excitement and adventure of the spice. It’s reminiscent of salsa dancing at the Capitol Club in the Bay Area.
Cakebread harvests their Pinot Noir grapes at night to protect workers from the summer heat. I can relate to this, as I do my best work at night, when protected from the distractions of my children… usually.
On a scale of 1-10, I rate the Cakebread Pinot Noir a 7 for its complexity and ability to transport me back in time.
Suggested pairings: Salmon, barbecue, Thai food and any time you want to reminisce.
PSA – No Booze, No Sweets
This is a Public Service Announcement.
In an effort to prepare the public for possible threats of violence, sarcasm, mood swings and emotional breakdowns, the FAIL (Federation of Ambitious and Idiotic Lenters) issue public service announcements when one of their parishioners is embarking on an overly ambitious Lenten gesture.
The following FAIL PSA has just been issued for the Northern California area:
Paige Morgan, a well-meaning, but off-balance, Catholic, has announced that she will be giving up all sweets and liquor for Lent. Yes, you read that correctly: ALL sweets and ALL alcohol. The FAIL is concerned because Paige does not get through a day without a sweet, a drink or both. We feel that the level of her Lenten commitment may put others at risk. Without sweets in particular, Paige has a history of irritability, unexplained bouts of crying shopping, and irrational behavior. Detailed medical analysis have found that Paige is kept balanced by a consistent diet of chocolate and wine (or beer or Captain).
The following precautions should be taken:
- Do not give your children sweets in front of her. She may inadvertently devour small children in an attempt to eat the treat.
- Hide your cough syrup and witch hazel – we fear she may try to concoct unusual cocktails.
- Keep your doors locked at night. This kind of deprivation may cause her to sleep walk and seek out the M&M’s between your couch cushions.
- Do not threaten, harm or otherwise upset her children (she will be doing enough of that herself). The crazy mama bear is 67% more crazy for the next 40 days!
- Hide your rubber cement, self-tanners and Bedazzlers. Paige has a history of taking on other vices to cope with giving up her addictions.
- If you find her in public, wild-eyed, disoriented and
disheveledmore than disheveled than usual, send her directly to the Betty Crocker Clinic – they know her well there. - If you know a good hostage negotiator, keep them on speed dial. We especially fear for employees of Baskin Robbins, Mrs. Fields, Godiva and the local liquor store.
Avoid interaction with her during Lent, but should you have an unavoidable encounter, talk to her in a soothing voice the way you would calm an overtired preschooler. Offer her something furry to cuddle with and remind her that good girls get pony rides. But don’t offer her a balloon – she may mistake it for a giant jelly bean and try to eat it.
For those of you wondering how she will complete her Wine Wednesday postings, Paige has decided to consume wine (and eat sweets) for the next 24 hours straight before she starts Lent on Wednesday. Keep this in mind as her posts may be confusing, hard to follow her normal incoherent rambles.
Have you ever given up one (or more) of your vices? How did it go?
My plan for Tuesday night...
A Man and His Drink
Let’s start with any easy one:
The party animal can down a pitcher of cheap suds before you can say Natural Light. He’s also most likely to end up working construction, building his beer belly faster than he builds houses.
Then you have the more sophisticated beer drinker. He’s tested the waters/taps/breweries and discovered a taste for the subtleties of a well brewed stout, pilsner or bock. This guy is a thinker, maybe a little staid but more likely to be able to carry on a conversation well into his third or fourth tankard.
How about those scotch drinkers? Talk about your somber character! He’s probably a silent drunk, never letting you into his mind, unless it’s to spout his opinion on politics. Also, more often a taker or a bore in bed.
A straight man who prefers to drink white wine needs to do some soul searching about his sexuality. Seriously.
Fruity concoctions? If not consumed on the beach or vacation, see my notes on white wine drinkers. Exception to this rule: Margarita and sangria drinkers. They know what they like and are confident in their manhood. Also, they know how to please a lady or look really good in their swim trunks.
Oh, you’re wondering about doing shots? Come on, that’s just a guy who’s late to the party and trying to catch up. He’s also more likely to pass out on you before getting down to business, if you know what I’m saying..
Of course there are exceptions to every rule and people do change. A certain gentleman, who will remain nameless, recently admitted to drinking Zimas. But I’d like to think he has redeeming qualities.
And yes, I’m happy to make sweeping unfounded generalizations about your guy too.
Wine Wednesdays – The Naked Grape California Chardonnay
Gosh, Wednesday comes up fast! As promised here is a review of a bottle of wine for under $10. I went in search of something new and cheap that I had never had to add to the fun of Wine Wednesday. I admit it, the immature part of me (aka the real me) could not resist the “Naked” title.
I served this at my Book Club and they loved it and we went through several bottles!
The Naked Grape California Chardonnay
Description per label: Light bodied and smooth with aromas of pineapple and peach.
Review: My six-year old son recently took his pictures for the basketball team and then had to go straight to his basketball game. As we went from the pictures to the game I told him to flip his jersey inside out to change the color from purple for pictures, to white for the game. I didn’t think much of it, until another dad looked at us and chuckled. I looked over to see my son standing in a public area with his shorts around his ankles. My perfectionist son didn’t simply take the jersey off and flip it inside out. He took it off, flipped the jersey inside out and dropped his shorts in order to appropriately tuck in his jersey. “Honey, we don’t get naked in public,” I had to remind him.
Went I went in search of an affordable, every day, Chardonnay, “The Naked Grape” seemed to understand my life and my need for wine.
This wine far surpassed my expectations! It was smooth and buttery. There was less fruit than I anticipated and the subtle blend of flavors was well balanced. The finish was slightly sweet, with a hint of Riesling, but I tempered the sweetness by keeping it cold while I drank the whole bottle. (I had four children in the house, the dosage seemed appropriate). As I took sip after, deliciously smooth, sip, I realized that if one was not careful, this easy to drink wine could lead to one getting naked from consumption. The name began to make more and more sense.
As a mother of two young children, wine is an everyday occurrence, and at $6.99 per bottle, I have just found a wine that I can drink as often as my kids get naked.
On a scale of 1-10, I rate the Naked Grape Chardonnay as an 8 for being smooth and affordable.
Suggested pairings: Salmon, chicken and every time your child strips down in public.
Alcohol Content: Not listed
Price: Purchased for $6.99 – What mom doesn’t need an affordable bottle case of wine?!
10 Lessons From a Girl’s Weekend
I had a fabulous girls weekend. Friday night was book club a passion party and Saturday I left for San Francisco for some quality time with my cousin (who is more like a sister). I had a wonderful weekend full of laughs, yummy food and female bonding, but certainly learned a few lessons:
- When soup boils over, do not grab a wet paper towel to pull the grate off the burner, in order to clean it immediately. Fight the OCD impulses, wait until the stove has cooled down and never use a wet towel – paper or otherwise.
- When hosting a passion party, not only do you need to have the kids out of the house, but they need to remain out of the house until you do a full cleaning. Check under the sofa to make sure there are no passion party product catalogs that your kids can find.
- When departing for the city – listen to the advice you give your kids – go potty before you leave. While you may not be conspicuous running through Union Square doing the pee pee (or worse) dance, it can be uncomfortable and the thought of not making it to the hotel bathroom frightening.
- When driving to any big city, choose your car wisely. The biggest SUV on the road is not the best choice. If you have no other vehicle option, make sure you know the height restrictions of the parking garage AND the height of your car. Accuracy is important here, otherwise one might learn what those metal tube height signs sound like when they scrape the top of your car. Luggage racks can act as the
sacrifical lamblife saver in this situation. - Valet parking (with the additional oversize vehicle fee) at the hotel is expensive, but slightly less than the deductible on your car insurance. Suck it up when the valet mentions your car is not the best choice for the city.
- Eating your way through San Francisco may sound like a
goodgreat idea, but should be left to the professionals. Over eating can lead to food coma which can cause falling asleep during the previews of a movie and one should be careful about sleeping in the Metreon. Three such food comas in 24 hours probably isn’t healthy and may result in a sleepless night, despite the Heavenly Bed. - Check your cell phone alarm clock and ensure it is off. Waking up at 6:00 am on a girls weekend after a night of food coma fall-out can be hazardous.
- If you plan to shop in the city, tell your husband in advance to avoid shell shock. If you don’t plan to shop in the city, you’re just fooling yourself. Shopping in the city is as unavoidable as encountering crazy, ranting women with black eyes and missing teeth.
- When a man is sitting in the park with a sign that says “Free Advice”, you should stop and listen. It can’t be worse than the advice we give our friends.
- There is nothing better for your soul than a weekend of girl time (and nothing worse for your waist line).
I’m Stylish?!
The wonderful thing about blogging is that you don’t see me! This was reinforced when the lovely Kelly at Dances with Chaos bestowed upon me the Stylish Blogger Award. I assume she must like my style of writing, also known as self deprecation, because if she could actually see me, she would not have used the word stylish – at least on a daily basis. Perhaps you think I am kidding when I say, I don’t get dressed every day or wash my hair every day. I am a wreck people! I need one of those fashion and beauty makeovers. Hint hint… I tried to do something new with my hair and my stylist said no, she didn’t think I could handle dramatic change! My 21-year-old nanny puts together my outfits for important occasions (like leaving the house).
But enough about my style, or lack thereof. Let me tell you about Kelly. Her kids are a little bit younger, but our challenges and fleeting sanity are the same. I love her combination of photos and witty writing. She is also the genius who taught me to take pictures of my kids messes so that I don’t kill them. I guess that also makes her a life saver.
In accepting the Stylish Blogger Award, I am supposed to write seven things you might not know about me:
- I am usually up for anything – if you can get me out the front door. I seem to lack initial motivation. Or the proper shoes.
- My nickname is the “Hostage Negotiator” or the “Devil’s Advocate”. In personality assessments its known as the stabilizer. I think it is just an upside to being a people pleaser, which is not always a good thing. So I am working on that, you know, pissing people off more and pleasing less.
- I am afraid of heights! As in anything above the second floor. I tried jumping off a bridge into a lake to cure my fear. It didn’t help. At all.
- I have had melanoma twice and am psychotic about sunscreen. But I still love all summer and water activities. And I refuse to wear sun protective clothing. Because I am so stylish. Ahem.
- The best compliment you can give me is to tell me I did something that made you feel good. Or that you can relate to something I said or wrote.
- I hate being cold, but I usually am, and I often over dress for any weather. And over dress my kids. Then my husband took away my kid dressing privileges. This is not related to my lack of style, just my lack of a functioning internal thermostat.
- I love food, drinks, hula-hooping and mildly inappropriate fun (okay, you probably already knew that about me!)
In order to continue to pay it forward, I must nominate six bloggers for this award. This is hard because there are so many amazing bloggers that frankly, it’s intimidating. But here are six bloggers that I feel make me a better writer.
- Lori Dyan – Her three-year old rocks the naked style, her 7-year-old might be a genius and I never miss reading what she writes. She has made me laugh so hard I have pee’d a little. What?! I said a little!
- Ironic Mom – Her motto is “If you can’t laugh at yourself, laugh at your kids”. She is my favorite brand of “real” mom!
- A Diary of a Mad Woman – Talk about stylish! She showed up to a lunch pregnant wearing fabulous red leather boots! And her writing is as powerful as her shoes.
- By Any Other Name – Julie is my sister separated at birth. Her posts are funny, they resonate to the point I think she might be stalking me (and I hope she is) and they come from the heart.
- The Life of Jamie – She recently referred to her daughter as “The Dirty Little Chapstick Thief” – what more do you need to know?!
- Working Mom Journal – I am afraid she may be to smart for me – she’s an engineer! But she is a working mom, wise beyond her years and I suspect she may be stylish too! She has a refreshing positive perspective and helps keep me balanced!
There you have it – six blogs you need to go read right now! Why are you still here. Go read, but come back and visit soon, okay? Pretty please.
The rules passed on to me say to accept this award you are:
- Supposed to link back to who nominated you.
- List seven things we might not know about you.
- Share the “love” and pay it forward by naming six other blogs you enjoy.
Pay It Forward
Slightly Off-Balance 