Archive
Seven Reasons Not to Quit
I have two choices – write about how unhappy I am in my job or have a little fun with it.
C’mon! You know what I picked (it was close though, boy did you get lucky)! My goal was 10 reasons I love my job, but I am not that creative, so here’s seven.
Ten Seven Reasons I Love My Job
- The paycheck – I love it, I need it, it’s why my husband loves me
- The escape – no job = no nanny = no break from the kids
- The corporate credit card – nothing like sampling the best restaurants and bars on somebody else’s dime
- The excuse – I need this fabulous necklace and shoes and purse and coat and… for work
- The awards – who could give up the cheesy crystal awards that my kids try to play with 😉
- The distraction – if I didn’t work, I might have to actually work-out more – ugh!
- The miles and points – we take many vacations thanks to our frequent flier miles and hotel points
If you’re looking for me to mention the role or something deep, keep looking, I am too…
If you don’t work, why would you want to? If you do work, what’s the best part for you?
10 Things to Do In My Lifetime
Yesterday was 10/10/10. It is a cool date and it was my husband’s birthday so it was a fun-filled weekend. I want to commemorate this auspicious date with my top ten wish list. I am currently working on a Mighty List that will be a life list of 100 things I want to do in my lifetime. But my current top 10 feels appropriate for yesterday. Narrowing it down to 10 was tough but here we go:
- Change the life (for the better) of someone close to me
- See a cure for cancer
- Renew my vows
- Get paid to write
- Sponsor a family in need at Christmas
- Inspire somebody to pursue their dreams
- Watch my children fulfill their dreams
- Give a large amount of money to a stranger on the street
- Give a speech to 10,000 or more people
- Travel the World
What’s your top 10?
10 Reasons Mommy Loves Wine
Mommy needs a glass...
This post is brought to you by Markham 2005 Petit Verdot
So some crazy lady posed as me and wrote a post about breaking up with wine a while back! Do not be alarmed, I have found said crazy person and contained her in a bottle with a good cork. To cabernet, I mean commemorate my love of wine (proven by the fact that I have drank it 10 times in the last two weeks) I want to share with all of you some of the many reasons why I love wine:
- All I have to do is un-cork a bottle to erase the longest of days.
- I don’t have to share it with my kids (unless I want them to sleep better).
- I feel sophisticated when I swirl it my glass (and I feel like a dumb-ass when it spills out).
- Wine goes good with my one true love: food. Yes, any food.
- Wine and chocolate. Period.
- Wine is complex, temperamental and will spoil if not cared for properly, just like me.
- The antioxidants in wine make me a better mom – it’s science people!
- Wine gets better with age, just like moms and children.
- Having a glass of wine to cope sounds more civilized than drinking rubbing alcohol.
- Wine doesn’t talk back, wet the bed or throw temper tantrums!
Cheers!
10 Ways to Make Wii Struggles Disappear
I hate – we don’t say hate in this house – I strongly dislike my son’s Wii.
I swear that video games lead to at least one tantrum or mild freak out session in my house per day. My son’s Wii melt-downs can be classified into one of the following:
- He gets upset when time is up. (I set a one hour per day limit)
- He gets upset when someone beats him or he can’t beat a level
- He gets upset because he doesn’t get to play on a given day even if it is because he was at a playdate, birthday party,etc. (I am sorry, you are having a fairytale life and couldn’t squeeze Wii into your amazing social calendar!)
What makes it worse is that my better half (who in this case is not better) often contributes to the problem with wise actions like letting him play right before bed (which is prime melt-down time) or my personal favorite, overriding my one-hour rule with, ‘Oh, honey, I know he already had his hour, but I told him he could play with me'”
I realize that it is not the Wii’s fault and it is a parenting issue, but I am in no mood to be reasonable. In an effort to cope with my Wii frustration, and end Wii struggles, I am considering the following (none of which would happen in front of my son, because that would be another tantrum!):
- Use the straps on the controllers as a sling-shot to launch the console
- Donate it to a clay pigeon range – Pull!
- Give the Wii swimming lessons
- Sponsor a grape stomping competition on the console – wet and crushed – that oughta do it!
- Controllers as pins, console as bowling ball
- Wii Field Trips: beach, lake or snow
- Donate it to a ‘kindergarten hardware engineering’ class – sounds altruistic, yet fatal
- Drop the system at the front door of the Playstation headquarters – it’s not that I like PS any better, I just figure it won’t come back that way
- Tell my daughter there are princess stickers inside that she can have if she can get them out
- Go crazy like Office Space with a copier on the whole system
Watch out Wii, you don’t want to be left alone with me…
This could be you Wii!
The 7 Deadly Sins of Parenting
MSN did a piece yesterday about the Seven Deadly Sins . It got me to thinking about my sins as a parent:
Lust: With our busy schedules, traditional lust is not a daily occurrence around here. However, I will admit to lusting after shoes and purses. My shopping budget is about as scarce as lust, so I lust after the material things I gave up when I gave birth to the products of traditional lust.
Wrath: I have shared with you the dangers of the crazy mama bear. They say there is no greater wrath/fury than a woman scorned. Wrong! There is no greater wrath than me if you so much as look at my children in a threatening way. Only I can give them that look.
Pride: This is practically a gimme for parents. Have I told you my six-year-old and three-year old can water ski? Yes, I have, but I’m glad to have the opportunity to tell you brag again. I would post pictures of my kids to show the world how stinkin’ cute they are, but it goes back to that wrath and over-protective mama thing. So, pride – check.
Greed: If honesty compensates for greed than let me be clear: I would love to be rich, but not famous. I want enough money to choose my activities, to only work on things I am passionate about, to work less and enjoy life more. But it’s not just money, I want more time too. Time with the kids, time with my husband, time for myself, time for my friends. Call me Veruca: I want more and I want it now.
Envy: I envy moms (and dads) who appear to have more balance in their lives than me. I say “appear” because if they are anything like me, you shouldn’t look behind their curtain either.
Gluttony: Covered that with my post about Mommy’s Hierarchy of Needs. I use sweets and cocktails to achieve balance in my slightly off-balance life. When I really want to show my kids how much I care for them I say, “I love you more than chocolate” and sometimes I mean it.
Sloth: I have had 7 different posts that mention my inconsistent showering habits (really, I counted). Sloth is practically my middle name! I dare say I envy those who have more opportunities to be lazy than me. Do I get double points for a sin about a sin?
Bringing little angels into the world drives us to commit sin on a daily basis. Does that make me a great parent, a bad parent or just totally normal?
10 Rules of Slightly Off-Balance Me
I am currently reading Bitter Is The New Black by Jen Lancaster. In her book, she has the “Jen Commandments” that basically give her boyfriend Fletch some guidelines he must adhere to. Hilarious! They inspired me to write my commandments. I am sure my husband has already figured these out, but a few might be universal – please check with your significant other!
- Skin care, hair care and supplements are not luxuries, they are necessities – I plan to grow old gracefully. Well, at least look graceful.
- If opening a bottle of wine, save the cheap stuff for someone else. I may have broken up with wine, but we still each other, and I want our reunions to be special.
- I like to cook but I do not want to be expected to do it on a regular basis.
- I have mowed a lawn once. Period.
- I am a HUGE over-communicator (I know you’re shocked), failure to communicate back to me will be taken as a sign of hostility.
- When faced with a situation I don’t know how to handle (like turning off a quad), I will throw my hands up in the air and say”What do I do?” Come running.
- Never leave the house without a hug and kiss goodbye. However, if one of us has not brushed our teeth, stick to the cheek please.
- That reminds me, morning breath is a huge inhibitor to morning sex.
- I like to pretend I am handy and love to have a reason to carry around the Makita (I say that word over and over), please don’t burst my bubble.
- I am fine with guy humor and fraternity house talk, but the toilet seat must be down.
Wow, 10 went fast and I have more to say. This might be the first installment of the rule book… I realize I may sound high maintenance, I prefer to tell my husband I am a delicate orchid, that when properly cared for provides endless beauty and enjoyment. (Then we both laugh hysterically.)
What are your rules?
I look handy just carrying it around!
10 Effects of Shopping with Kids
While my husband was on his guys trip this weekend, I stayed home with the kids. I was thrilled to have no schedule to adhere to other than one soccer game. I had planned to just relax with my kids, until I had the brilliant idea to do some shopping for my upcoming trip to New York. Here are the effects of my bright idea…
- While wearing flip-flops I had my foot run over by my insistent cart drivers SIX times
- They opened the dressing room door, exposing my semi-naked body, TWICE
- My daughter did “snow angels” on the floor of Ross – hello bath time!
- I fed my kids two chocolate milks, two LARGE cookies, hotdogs and popcorn in an undisclosed order…
- I had to bribe with a toy submarine, a Dora backpack, and two dollar-bin masks, AFTER say, I would not buy them anything
- I ran into someone I knew at the exact moment I was hissing at my kids that they had better behave or else
- I “temporarily” lost the car keys
- I was impressed by my kids creativity when they devised dressing room games including
- Different ways to wear a strapless bra and underwear (picture underwear on their heads with sunglasses over it)
- How to turn plastic hangers into weapons
- How high can they throw the tags that tell how many items I have in the dressing room
- I almost inadvertently shoplifted when I found a bracelet in my purse, as I was pulling out my wallet at the register, that my daughter had decided she wanted
- I have come up with a new mommy threat – “Be good or I will take you clothes shopping with me”
I have friends and family who would have watched the kids, but I decided I was supermom and could handle a few errands with the kids. Isn’t it great how life reminds us that we there is no such thing as supermom?
The Difference Between Men and Women: Vacation
My husband left today for a guys’ house boating trip. I was thinking tonight about the stark difference between his boys’ weekend and a girls’ weekend with my friends. Allow me to compare:
- His trip: 3 days of house boating
- My trip: A weekend in Napa
- His luggage: a backpack and toothbrush
- My luggage: Rollerboard, large tote bag, make-up case and purse
- His shoes: Flip flops
- My shoes: 2 pairs of flip-flops, running shoes, 2 pairs of wedges and heels
- His activities: Skiing, wakeboarding, drinking
- My activities: Wine tasting, spa treatments, pool time, shopping, eating (yes for us, it qualifies as an activity) and drinking
- His time spent getting ready: 45 seconds to brush his teeth (which is optional)
- My time spent getting ready: 90 minutes if I hurry
- His conversations: boats, trucks, work
- My conversations: CENSORED
- His bedtime: 11:00 pm
- My bedtime: 2:00 am
- His cost: $150
- My cost: More than $150… no exact figures if I hope to do it again someday!
I hope he is having a wonderful time and knows that I am planning a girls trip as I write this!
His
Hers
The “Real” Me
I attended my daughter’s preschool back to school night this evening. This means, getting to know a new group of parents, some of which have their oldest in preschool. New parents always worry me because they may not have given up their ideals and sanity yet. They say admirable things like, “How do we know what our kids learned in school today so I can ask my child about it?” I respect this, but the easy way out is “what did you do, what did you learn and what was your favorite part”? They are still trying to do everything right (bless their hearts). I have to say, all of the moms I met seem very nice and down to earth, but time will tell who is as off-balanced as me. I have decided to show them the “real me” as early as possible in hopes of bringing them to the dark-side of reality parenting. Or maybe they are already there…
Last summer, there was an evening when I had too much to liquid fun and I was acting like a child. I was throwing food at my friends (trying to start a food fight, not out of malice) and generally acting silly. My husband was getting irritated with me (how could this be?!) . I turned to my group of friends and proclaimed, “This is the real me!”. I will never live that quote down, but I have also embraced it in many ways. Here’s more about the “real” me. Yes, it’s another list of confessions.
- I loathe the idea of owning a dog. My kids want one very badly and I am dead set against it. When I hear dog, I think hair, fleas, chewed up furniture, doggie breath and more responsibility. It is a threat to my precarious life balance. Don’t get me wrong, I like dogs – when they belong to other people! I am also not a huge fan of overnight dog guests, but have made exceptions for my dearest friends. (Devon – I am high-fiving you right now).
- I let my kids eat food they have dropped on the ground (there’s no dog to clean it up). Correction, I tell my kids they have to eat what they drop, because I am not giving them more. Now, this is only in my house, when the floors are reasonably clean, and maybe outside if it’s not too public of an area…
- I love the idea of playdates that involve cocktails. I NEVER drink when I am responsible for someone elses children AT ALL and I never have more than one if my husband is out-of-town. This is not a joke and if you drink while watching my kids, you will learn about mama bear. But, if you bring your little one over in the afternoon and you’re staying and want to have a beer with me, that is my kind of playdate!
- I am perfectly comfortable letting my children’s teachers be responsible for their learning. I will do all the homework and read to them, but frankly, I am exhausted at night and do not feel compelled to do extra credit as a mom. I am glad there are professionals to ensure my kids are brilliant.
- I recycle, but I drive a diesel SUV, do not compost, never made my own baby food, use disposable diapers and pull-ups and loved having drugs to ease the pain of labor.
- I bake the bread for church, but mostly to make up for how often I miss Mass (meaning mostly absent) and to see a friend who I never get to see unless it is baking time.
- I don’t like cold water so I spend more time watching my kids swim than swimming with them.
- I cannot do math. Period.
What’s the real you? You can tell me, I promise to use a fake name when I blog about it! 😉
Instant Gratification
I am not going to lie – I am a big fan of instant gratification. Just call me Veruca in “Charlie in the Chocolate Factory” – I want it now! One of my friends calls it the Sod-It Syndrome. She can’t wait for grass to grow, she would rather have sod. I could provide endless examples of my impatience and you know how I love a good list. However, I will refrain this time… nah!
- I sometimes inadvertently get drunk trying to reach the happy buzz place to quickly
- I have turned myself orange more than once trying to achieve a dark spray on tan in 24 hours that usually takes a week
- I invent scheduling conflicts to get my performance reviews back from my manager earlier.
- I, like most Americans, have done my share of accumulating debt in college because I couldn’t wait for a time when I could afford shopping (or excessive drinking)
- I researched the earliest pregnancy test because one extra day of waiting was too much for me
The irony is that it drives me nuts when my kids can’t be patient. Seriously, good things are worth the wait little pumpkins! (And do as mommy says, not as mommy does!)
So are you a seed or a sod person?
Pay It Forward
Slightly Off-Balance 