Archive
Re-Pay It Forward
Do you ever have those moments in life that you wish you could do over and be a better you? Here’s one of mine:
My cousin, Lisa, is like a sister to me. I love her so much my heart wants to explode. So naturally, when she was in labor I had to be there to support her. I was stuck at work all day and couldn’t leave for the hospital when I first got the call. When I got off work, before I started the 45 minute drive to her hospital, I stopped at the grocery store to get her flowers. I was excited, I was nervous and I was in a hurry!!
As I stood in line to checkout, the woman in front of me had 4 cans of green beans, but there was something wrong with her form of payment. They had to go get a manager, it took ‘forever’. I am ashamed to say I was rolling my eyes and tapping my foot with impatience.
As she finished her transaction and walked away, I realized the problem was with her food stamps card. I will never forget how horrible I felt. Had I not been so absorbed in my life, and realized what was going on, I would have gladly paid for her green beans to expedite things or… I could have just been more patient. That woman will never know that I wasn’t rolling my eyes at the form of payment and I can never make up my rudeness to her (something I will never forget).
But there is still a lesson to be learned and a way to create something positive out of my negative behavior. I use that day to re-pay it forward. You have likely heard of paying it forward, buying the next person’s coffee, paying the next driver’s toll fees. I love those gestures, but also practice small acts of patience and kindness with strangers. I need to make amends to a stranger for being rude, so I make sure to treat other strangers better.
- I wait patiently when someone is trying to park their car next to mine (it’s a big SUV and seems to intimidate people).
- I pull the lever so the next person has a paper towel in the airport restroom.
- I help people get their baggage up to the ticket counter.
- Helping people who are lost (directionally – if they are lost in their lives, I probably would only hurt the situation).
- Holding the elevator doors when you know the person is just around the corner even though you can’t see them and can get away with letting the doors close.
Since I can’t ever apologize to that woman in the grocery store, I try to pass on other goodness that I hope will come back to her.
I also know there will be other moments when I am distracted, stressed or simply not being the best Paige I can be, so I re-pay it forward for those moments too.
How do you show kindness to strangers?
Being a “Prefectionist”
This sums it up:
"It says on your resume that you're a prefectionist."
3 Signs I am Drowning and How I Fixed It
I am still treading wine, but drowning more than drinking. I just returned from two back to back business trips. I realize many people travel every week for work, across countries and continents – they’re amazing, I am not. I am tired and my body hurts from lugging my ginormous (technical term) laptop all over the place in heels. I was ready to spend some time at home and get back to normal, then my old pal Murphy (as in Murphy’s Law) showed up…
My little diva has been sick for the past couple of days with a 103.5 fever and sleep disrupting killing cough. I have tried to catch up on work and home life while “functioning” on 2 hours of sleep over two days. (Why was this so much easier when the kids were babies??? Don’t say I am getting old – I am fragile and can’t take that right now!)
Here are the signs that things were slipping in my world:
- There was soy sauce and wine on the table, I meant to put soy sauce on my brown rice…
- I put a carton of milk in the dryer – of course I didn’t turn it on (because my husband walked up)
- I lost my son’s homework, my daughter’s valentine’s and my… (I can’t even remember the other thing!) all in one day! They were all found, including the thing I don’t remember losing, by somebody else.
There are plenty more examples, like my inability to string a sentence together to save my life, but I think you get the drift. I have hit the proverbial wall and it is not made of cheese, chocolate or wine corks.
I told my friend this morning, “I just need to get organized and catch up on everything and I will be fine”. This sent her into hysterical laughter. I am pretty sure my friends only keep me around for the entertainment value. She gently reminded me that being “caught up” might be too ambitious and I would miss all the fun in the meantime.
So guess what I did?
At 12:05 I was sitting in my home office, in my pajamas, unshowered and decided to meet a friend for lunch. This gal is rarely in town and was 10 minutes from my house. I looked at my work email, my to-do listsssss (did you catch the emphasis on the plural lists) and walked away. I set a new record for fastest shower and walked out the door at 12:10. mostly clean, no make-up and a big smile.
I have to tell you a spontaneous lunch out is incredibly therapeutic. The to-do listssss continue to grow, but I am no longer drowning, because really, what is more important – expense reports or lunch with a great friend?
I knew you’d agree.
How do you keep your head above water?
I looked nothing like this at lunch today, but I was happy.
Why I Eat Cookies
Today has been a roller coaster! I was scheduled to be on a plane right now headed for another business trip. Then, an hour before I was due to leave for the airport, my meeting and trip were rescheduled.
I am thrilled to stay home because I just got back from a week-long trip on Friday. It was long days of meetings and social events in the evenings. By 2:00 every day, I was ready for a nap – so I had a cookie instead.
Once home, I was still tired and didn’t feel like I had enough time this weekend to get everything done. I ran around until I was close to sleeping standing up – so I ate cookies to keep going. Sugar is my caffeine. By last night I had accomplished all I could and enjoyed a bottle (yes, a bottle) of wine, which then affected my judgment so I ate another bag of cookies.
When I got up this morning, I was melancholy about my trip. I had been home less than 72 hours and needed more time with my husband. What you’re expecting me to say next is “and I really needed more time with my kids”.
Except I don’t.
From the moment I walked in the door on Friday, my little pumpkins were lunatics. They set new temper tantrum records. My husband was so sweet to share with me that they were great until I came home… It is so odd, I was sad to part with them this morning, I gave them extra hugs and kisses and truly didn’t want to leave. But now that I get to stay home, I would like to hide in my office, eat cookies and read a book. What award do I win for that?
But I am congratulating myself on knowing where I am at and understanding what I need. I need cookies. I need rest. I need cuddling with my kids. I just don’t want the other stuff like discipline, homework, laundry and bedtime rituals. Hmmm… I think the business trip might be more restful than parenting…
So I have decided today is I eat cookies day (and it is clearly not ‘I am a literary genius’ day). You are welcome to join in the celebration. This is guilt free indulgence. Will I eat cookies in lieu if my parenting duties? No. But will the cookies make the duties easier? You betcha!
Next time I will make this brief, I’ll quickly tell you about the isolated times when I don’t eat cookies.
What do you do to take care of yourself? How do you cope on crazy days?
Treading Wine
I know what you’re thinking – “Paige, don’t you mean treading water?”
Do I ever mean water over wine? Not unless we’re talking about laundry and I rarely talk about laundry.
For the last several weeks I have been struggling to tread wine. You see, if I was struggling to tread water, I would have simply gotten out of the pool (or lake, or ocean). But wine is complex, sometimes surprising, occasionally corked, but usually delightful, just like life. So therefore, treading wine is worth the struggle.
So what I have been struggling with that has kept me off-balance (and writing very little) for the last few weeks? I think I have it mostly figured out (how’s that for confidence and conviction?). I have shared on occasion that I haven’t always been happy in my job. The thing is, I love what I do and I am good great at it. But I am a perfectionist and it had gotten out of hand. I had gotten to a point where nothing felt good enough. My confidence was slipping and my self-critical side needed a beat-down. It had started to spill in to my personal life. Everything felt hollow and I had stopped trusting my own instincts. Very few people knew how it was affecting me, because, like my dramatic diva of a three-year old, I can put on a show. The irony is during this time, I received a promotion, a raise and several accolades and still didn’t feel like my work was good enough.
But I am very fortunate, I am surrounded by smart, caring people (and a few paid professionals) who have helped me get things under control. By examining my perfectionist tendencies, I realized that perhaps I am a wee bit… off-balance, unrealistic and um… crazy. As I thought about the standard I was holding strangling myself to, I had to laugh. It was absurd and not the level I hold others to. My higher self-bar was not because I thought I was better than the average person and could deliver more, it was because of that pesky perfectionism. This may confuse you since I talk about mold in my shower and all of my follies, but there are parts of life where I feel safe being “normal” and parts where I wasn’t giving myself that same luxury. (Trust me, the mold is still in the shower and I think the whole house needs dusting).
So I have perfectly cured myself in about two weeks. (When you’re done laughing, feel free to continue reading).
Welcome back, need some water or a kleenex?
In lieu of an instant cure, which I was dismayed to discover does not exist, I am being more thoughtful about my goals, my decisions and my feelings. I am letting myself off the hook a bit. I am taking risks again and know that sometimes I will… eek… fail, and gulp… that’s good for me. I am also reminding myself that my job is only one facet of my rich, tannin filled life. I am treating myself the way I would treat any of my precious friends and family members: with support and encouragement.
I know that I will have to keep an eye on that bothersome perfectionist side and I may have to occasionally smack her around, but just being aware makes me feel so much better!
So I am again successfully treading wine and enjoying it. Not to mention that cabernet-colored skin is more attractive than some of my spray tan debacles in an effort to avoid my natural pasty white color!
Thanks to a Mad Women who inspired me to share the hard, not always funny, parts of life.
How I Am Going to Get Smart
I am used to be smart.
I have never been a news junkie, but I at least was up on the world and could follow an adult conversation on current events.
Then I had kids.
Between my full-time, job, my two cherubs and all that those two worlds require, I have run out of news time. Well that’s kind of a lie. My husband has the same life as me, parenting included because he’s my better half. But, he still reads the paper, watches the news and reads internet news every day. It is embarrassing to be with co-workers and not have any idea what they are talking about. People assume because I work and have adult conversations, I am current. No way. At work I discuss work or I get updates on people’s families, lives, etc.
So what am I doing while my husband keeps up on current events? Facebook, Twitter and blogging. Or reading, but I bounce between literary masterpieces and vampire books. Hmmm… as I think through my recent reads, there has been more smut than ‘noble’ books.
But I really want to know some of what’s going on the world. The news is depressing day in and day out and I get sad thinking about what my grandkids and beyond might inherit, but I really do want to be more aware.
And I have a solution…
One of my wisest, and up-to speed friends (why does she keep me around) reads “The Week” and turned me onto it. She even gave me a subscription. (Is she trying to tell me something?) My first issue came on Friday and I read it cover to cover on Sunday in between breaking up fights and by allowing extra Wii time. It was great! Before I go on and on, I must make it clear. I have no affiliation to this publication, I am not being paid to endorse it, nor do they have any idea who I am. – For some reason I don’t make the top of their Rolodex (Rolodex? Who says that these days?) Ahem. They don’t follow me or seek my editorial contributions.
Back to my free endorsement – it contains well-organized, straight-forward summaries of what’s going on in the world. For big issues they summarize multiple perspectives and give credit to the original source. Do you know what this means?! I can cite the Washington Post, the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal (just to name a few) all in one decade.
I am on my way to being sounding like a smarty-pants!
Does this mean you’ll see some extra intelligence in this blog? Not likely. I am exhausted and can’t remember any of those brainy quotes!
What do you do to keep up on the world and still make time for YOUR world?
New Years Un-Resolutions
AHHHHHHH!!!
I feel better now. Wait…
AHHHHHH!!!
Okay, all better now.
Why all the screaming you ask? (If you didn’t ask, just humor me.)
Well, you see, today is New Years Eve and you know what that means…
No, not drunken debacles. Well, yes, there may be those, but that didn’t make me scream. At least not yet.
I am screaming because the mere thought of making a New Years Resolution stresses me out! Seriously, if I haven’t been able to accomplish as task as of now, why is a specific date going to make it any easier?! It’s not. It’s just going to add pressure.
I will be sitting at dinner with a few friends tonight and we will be talking about what to give up. Yes, I am aware resolutions don’t have to be about giving things up. They can be about starting things like going to the gym, taking more time for ourselves, blah blah blah. Our group tends to focus on the what can we give up to be healthier. Aka, what vice can we give up to make more room for other vices. I call this phenomenon the vice exchange and have done scientific studies and experiments on the topic. Go ahead, click the link to learn about the vice exchange, I’ll wait right here.
Welcome back. Back to giving stuff up – We have one gentlemen in our social circle who gave up chips one year, crazy bastard – (you know you were thinking it too!) He made it the whole 365 days and then went two more months just because. (Insert more name calling here.) So the next year we all decided to give something up. I know, I know – if your friend jumps off a cliff… Anyways, I gave up ice cream. As you know, I am a sweets-aholic. But I figured if I could keep cake, cookies, candy, etc I would be ok. The first few months went great. Yep, I was a superstar for not eating ice cream IN THE WINTER! But the minute the weather warmed up, my will power cooled down. I ate ice cream in April. Nope, I didn’t even make it until a heat wave when it may have been medically necessary to consume frozen dairy products.
This was two years ago and I haven’t made a resolution since. As you may have read, I have given things up for bets and I give things up for Lent, but a whole year of not doing something, or starting something for that matter? SCARY!
So my resolution is not to make a resolution. Resolutions don’t allow for balance in the normal chaos of life and I am all about balance. I prefer, rather, to be “mindful” of certain things. So here is my (da da da da – that’s trumpets):
2011 Mindful List:
- Be real. I swear in real life. Not around children or relatives, but with friends. I approach this blog as if chatting with my friends, so may see more frequent swearing (like calling my chip-quitting neighbor a bastard). Swearing is the real me. Also included in the real me is inappropriate humor (I will use a filter though – you’re welcome), bouts of craziness (you may have already suspected this one) and a severe case of ADD.
- Judge myself by the same bar as I judge others. I am tougher on myself than others, so I am going to give myself a break and be more accepting of me, the way I am accepting of my crazy (not a judgment, but rather a compliment) friends.
- Drinking water. It reduces headaches, helps chapped lips, promotes clear skin and can prevent or reduce hangovers. Water is my new BFF. But Captain is still my boyfriend.
- Exercise is not the enemy. I feel better after a good workout. I can eat more sweets and still fit into my clothes. I can visit with my friends while working out. I can waterski and wakeboard without severe injury. I’ll be mindful of the benefits of kicking my own ass.
- Sweets are like house guests – they are better in small doses.
- Instant gratification is not always the best option. I am not sure I belive this, but I will be mindful of it (or be reminded of it when my credit card statement comes).
Well, I think my list is already too long for me. So let’s talk about you.
What are you going to be mindful of in 2011?
I’ll get you started:
- Paige LOVES comments on her blog. Something as quick as “so true” makes me smile and I love people who are wittier than me. There seems to be a lot of folks in this category… hmm…
Results of the Blonde Ambition Tour
I set some lofty goals for this holiday season. I knew you have been unable to sleep at night wondering how much I pulled off. (A bottle of wine equals a sleeping pill, just a suggestion).
Well, let’s score my results – red means I failed, green means I passed:
- Make it to the gym at least four days each week to counteract the 12 Pounds of Christmas FAIL – I have been twice since December 20th. But does it count that I ate and drank even more than I had planned on? I think so.
- Clean-out my closet. Thanks to my husband’s gifts, I did this even more thoroughly than planned.
- Help my kids with their charity donations. My kids are awesome, they filled three large trash bags and got rid of enough bath toys to make me actually want to bathe in my own tub!
- Clean-out my husband’s office – It’s the embarrassing catch-all room and it looks like somebody threw up a recycling bin in there. It looks better, we found the bed and floor, removed all signs of Christmas wrapping and cleaned out two years worth of the kids are projects.
- Have at least three playdates for the kids and three “mommy playdates”. I am really an overachiever in this area! I had multiple mommy play dates! Oh yeah and the kids played with some friends too.
- Upload pictures to Facebook and make discs for people. Ha ha ha. Not going to happen. One of my friends saw this post and asked for a disc. She knows better now.
- Visit family and friends 3 hours away, 1 hour away and 30 minutes away. Fail. Other than my husband’s grandparents, we never left the neighborhood.
- Host Christmas dinner. I set a beautiful table, my husband made an amazing meal and we bought a decadent dessert. But I do have some yummy new recipes to try out… some other time.
- Take down already dead tree and Christmas decorations on December 26th. Buh-bye Christmas! Not a shred of holiday cheer left in sight. (But there is still plenty of cheer in the liquor cabinet!)
And now I would like a nap.
And some Tums.
Blonde Ambition Holiday Tour
Before you all get too excited, no, Madonna is not doing a holiday show.
The Blonde Ambition Holiday Tour is my plan for the next two weeks. My plan is to make the most of it being quiet at work, as well as having the kids home, in order to start the new year caught up, cleaned up and with some good habits. It is the Blonde Ambition tour because I am blonde (thanks to my stylist Yvette) and it’s one hell of an ambitious list.
In order to organize my efforts, I am separating the list into work and home. I am officially working this week and next week, but next week will be even quieter than this one. So I plan to focus on work this week and home next week. The work list is boring, so I won’t share it, but it sounds something like presentation blah blah blah email blah blah blah hire someone blah blah blah.
Home List (brace yourself):
- Make it to the gym at least four days each week to counteract the 12 Pounds of Christmas
- Clean-out my closet and give to charity – there are some clothes in there that would be better suited for an elf.
- Help my kids with their charity donations. Before their birthdays and Christmas I make my kids go through their toys and each fill a minimum of a 12 gallon trash bag with toys for charity. I explain that they have to give to others in order to receive. It’s a great lesson on helping those less fortunate AND it keeps my home from turning into residential Toys R Us. (When I got to bed at night, I don’t like any toys in plain sight).
- Clean-out my husband’s office – This is frightening. There is paperwork, empty router boxes and my kids’ school work from the last two years in there. It’s the embarrassing catch-all room and unfortunately it is in the same hall as the guest bathroom, so we need to make it look less like somebody threw up a recycling bin in there.
- Have at least three playdates for the kids and three “mommy playdates”.
- Upload pictures to Facebook and make discs for people.
- Visit family and friends 3 hours away, 1 hour away and 30 minutes away.
- Host Christmas dinner. I need a really good dessert recipe that will feed 10 – any ideas?
- Take down already dead tree and Christmas decorations on December 26th.
STOP LAUGHING! If you think it’s funny or even ludicrous to come up with this list of things to do during the holidays, aside from surviving the holidays, I agree. But when else can I get it done? I miss my friends and family, my kids have spent a lot of time at home with each other and organization and tidiness makes me swoon. Yes, I want to try for supermom despite repeated reminders from the universe that I crash after a couple of days of trying to do it all. But yet I keep trying. Why? Because I’m a fighter? My meds aren’t right? I am a glutton for punishment? I don’t know, but I am headed straight for completely off-balance in pursuit of balance.
It’s Monday at 12:30 pm, how am I doing so far?
- I took an hour-long beating in one of those circuit classes today. I should have known I was screwed when the warm-up was a mile run. (For those that don’t know me, I am not an athlete. For those that know me, you know that is an understatement).
- My son currently has a playdate and I am taking my daughter to a kids party this afternoon.
- I am going out for dinner with the girls tonight.
- I have a load of laundry in the washer – it should be in the dryer, but one thing at a time.
I am off to a good start. Now you may be thinking, this is boring, we don’t want to hear about all the good stuff you’re getting done. But trust me, when I fall on stage (we’re going back to the Madonna analogy), I do it with a bang!
Stay tuned for the pyrotechnics!
Maui, Poop and Hookers
We have just returned home from ten glorious days in Maui. Okay, we got home Saturday, but it took some time to adjust to reality. I had planned on writing and blogging from Maui, but I was too busy living and enjoying. I am so far behind on the novel challenge that I may have to abandon it and I am ok with that. Ten days of truly enjoying my family provided me joy and memories that I can’t catch up on later. I can catch up on writing when the time is right.
You may already be saying to yourself, this is not the Paige we know. She didn’t push to get everything done, she didn’t stress over what she wasn’t accomplishing. With fruity drinks, gorgeous sunsets and no work, I think even the craziest of moms can find a little balance. It was a wonderful, relaxing vacation where I had the opportunity to play with my kids and enjoy time with my husband. There is no greater gift or sense of accomplishment.
Telling you all about my vacation would be just bragging and possibly painful if you would rather be in Maui than reading this. When you are on vacation or have returned from vacation the Golden Rule is reversed: ‘If you can’t say something mean, don’t say anything at all’. This prevents taunting others with your fabulous life. This rules keeps my friendship with some of my friends going. When Sarah called me in Hawaii to see how it was going, I could hear her kids screaming in the background as she tried to do laundry and make dinner. I was smart and kind enough not to tell her I was sitting in a lounge chair with a cocktail and my kids were frolicking in the pool while I watched the waves crash. Who wants to hear that when they are stuck in normal household hell. I simply replied, “It’s nice, and a bit overcast”. She giggled and thanked me for my discretion. In the spirit of the reverse golden rule, I will stick to the unusual “highlights”.
Our first dinner: We had planned to have a lovely dinner on our first night in Hawaii to celebrate our arrival. But after starting our travel day at 3:30 in the morning, then taking the kids swimming, our craving for dinner became a craving for sleep. Our dinner of Ritz Bits and POG (pineapple orange guava) juice never tasted so good before our seven o’clock bedtime!
Avoiding the Pool Closure: My three-year old is potty-trained. We have a pool at home and never have had an issue with accidents in the pool. Within 20 minutes of our arrival at our timeshare, she limped down the stairs of the kids pool, holding her bottom. I thought she was hurt, but when I asked if she was ok, she said “Mom, I have to poop NOW!” I realized she was holding in what had already happened and raced her to our room (thank goodness for a first floor room). I narrowly avoided being the mom whose kid caused a six-hour pool closure.
Closing The Door on the Kids: The first three nights my husband, my two kids and I shared one hotel room. We tried to make the kids share one of the double beds, but listening to them fight over who kicked who did not work out so well. The lesser of two evils was to have one of them sleep with each of us. My son snores and grinds his teeth and my daughter kicks like a lunatic. So my husband and I traded off, one night I had physical pain, the next would be audio torture. But once we moved to our time share, we were able to put them both on the pull out sofa and close the door. They still kicked, whined and snored, but we didn’t hear it. Ah bliss!
Escaping the Stinky Runner: Several mornings I ran from our timeshare to Whaler’s Village and back. It’s three miles roundtrip. About a mile in to my run, a very fit female runner got on the path just in front of me. As I was running behind her, I noticed the most awful smell. It didn’t go away. I came to the conclusion that she was crop-dusting me. If you don’t know what that is, let me give you a lesson full of class – crop-dusting is when you are trying to get rid of some gas without getting caught by those around you so you keep moving. I figured it couldn’t last too long, but after another two tenths of a mile, I decided this was not what paradise should smell like and I turned around and went the other way.
A New Friend: My husband and I did three dinners without the kids. On one of our date nights we went to a very kid UN-friendly restaurant in Kapalua. We were sitting on a deck watching the sunset over cocktails. A stunning brunette asked us to take her picture, explaining it was her birthday. She was by herself (kind of weird on her birthday, don’t you think?). She twice struck up odd conversation with us that we politely closed. At one point the waiter walked by and gave her a funny look. She quickly excused herself. As she walked away, my husband and I looked at each other and said “Hooker”. About forty-five minutes later she found herself a “client”. I thought I was the only one who worked on my birthday.
Hawaii was amazing and filled with just enough humor, odd smells and interesting people. What is your idea of paradise? What are the unusual highlights of vacations you have taken?
Happy, balanced family!
Pay It Forward
Slightly Off-Balance 