Home > Balance, Family, Travel > Maui, Poop and Hookers

Maui, Poop and Hookers

We have just returned home from ten glorious days in Maui.  Okay, we got home Saturday, but it took some time to adjust to reality.  I had planned on writing and blogging from Maui, but I was too busy living and enjoying.  I am so far behind on the novel challenge that I may have to abandon it and I am ok with that.  Ten days of truly enjoying my family provided me joy and memories that I can’t catch up on later.  I can catch up on writing when the time is right.

You may already be saying to yourself, this is not the Paige we know.  She didn’t push to get everything done, she didn’t stress over what she wasn’t accomplishing.  With fruity drinks, gorgeous sunsets and no work, I think even the craziest of moms can find a little balance.  It was a wonderful, relaxing vacation where I had the opportunity to play with my kids and enjoy time with my husband.  There is no greater gift or sense of accomplishment.

Telling you all about my vacation would be just bragging and possibly painful if you would rather be in Maui than reading this.  When you are on vacation or have returned from vacation the Golden Rule is reversed: ‘If you can’t say something mean, don’t say anything at all’.  This prevents taunting others with your fabulous life.  This rules keeps my friendship with some of my friends going.  When Sarah called me in Hawaii to see how it was going, I could hear her kids screaming in the background as she tried to do laundry and make dinner.  I was smart and kind enough not to tell her I was sitting in a lounge chair with a cocktail and my kids were frolicking in the pool while I watched the waves crash.  Who wants to hear that when they are stuck in normal household hell.  I simply replied, “It’s nice, and a bit overcast”.  She giggled and thanked me for my discretion.  In the spirit of the reverse  golden rule, I will stick to the unusual “highlights”.

Our first dinner: We had planned to have a lovely dinner on our first night in Hawaii to celebrate our arrival.  But after starting our travel day at 3:30 in the morning, then taking the kids swimming, our craving for dinner became a craving for sleep.  Our dinner of Ritz Bits and POG (pineapple orange guava) juice never tasted so good before our seven o’clock bedtime!

Avoiding the Pool Closure:  My three-year old is potty-trained.  We have a pool at home and never have had an issue with accidents in the pool.  Within 20 minutes of our arrival at our timeshare, she limped down the stairs of the kids pool, holding her bottom.  I thought she was hurt, but when I asked if she was ok, she said “Mom, I have to poop NOW!”  I realized she was holding in what had already happened and raced her to our room (thank goodness for a first floor room).  I narrowly avoided being the mom whose kid caused a six-hour pool closure. 

Closing The Door on the Kids: The first three nights my husband, my two kids and I shared one hotel room.  We tried to make the kids share one of the double beds, but listening to them fight over who kicked who did not work out so well.  The lesser of two evils was to have one of them sleep with each of us.  My son snores and grinds his teeth and my daughter kicks like a lunatic.  So my husband and I traded off, one night I had physical pain, the next would be audio torture.  But once we moved to our time share, we were able to put them both on the pull out sofa and close the door.  They still kicked, whined and snored, but we didn’t hear it.  Ah bliss!

Escaping the Stinky Runner:  Several mornings I ran from our timeshare to Whaler’s Village and back. It’s three miles roundtrip.  About a mile in to my run, a very fit female runner got on the path just in front of me.   As I was running behind her, I noticed the most awful smell.  It didn’t go away.  I came to the conclusion that she was crop-dusting me.  If you don’t know what that is, let me give you a lesson full of class – crop-dusting is when you are trying to get rid of some gas without getting caught by those around you so you keep moving.  I figured it couldn’t last too long, but after another two tenths of a mile, I decided this was not what paradise should smell like and I turned around and went the other way.

A New Friend:  My husband and I did three dinners without the kids.  On one of our date nights we went to a very kid UN-friendly restaurant in Kapalua.  We were sitting on a deck watching the sunset over cocktails.  A stunning brunette asked us to take her picture, explaining it was her birthday.  She was by herself (kind of weird on her birthday, don’t you think?).  She twice struck up odd conversation with us that we politely closed.  At one point the waiter walked by and gave her a funny look.  She quickly excused herself.  As she walked away, my husband and I looked at each other and said “Hooker”.  About forty-five minutes later she found herself a “client”.  I thought I was the only one who worked on my birthday.

Hawaii was amazing and filled with just enough humor, odd smells and interesting people.  What is your idea of paradise?  What are the unusual highlights of vacations you have taken?

Happy, balanced family!

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  1. November 23, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    I miss you! I’m glad you had a great time and of course I’m just overwhelmed with jealousy right now.. hahaha.. 🙂 I’m originally from Indonesia and we’re going back in few month and can’t wait for some date night in Bali! Home (Indonesia) is my idea of paradise. 🙂 So far never had an unsusual vacation – unless visiting in law count? 🙂

    • November 23, 2010 at 4:41 pm

      Thanks Sendie! Bali sounds amazing! I will definitely be jealous!

  2. November 23, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    Sounds like a perfect ten days filled with the adventure and amusement I have come to expect from you. Glad you’re back! Diane

    • November 23, 2010 at 4:39 pm

      Thanks Diane! Sounds like college visits were fun too! How’s nanowrimo going?

  3. November 24, 2010 at 5:16 am

    I am so glad you had a great time! Your vacation sounds truly wonderful, and family time trumps everything else in life – even writing time. I always feel re-vitalized after a vacation and able to tackle things in a better light. Welcome back!

    • November 30, 2010 at 8:48 pm

      Thanks Jennifer! How did NaNoWriMo turn out for you?

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