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Raising Risk-Takers
As I shared, my kids learn to water ski this weekend. It seems normal for my 6-year old son, but a little insane for my 3-year old daughter. As we were getting my little girl all geared up, my friend said, ‘Are you sure about this? Is this safe?’. I love that my friend raised the question. I was anxious and apprehensive, but I also am trying to balance raising my kids safely with raising them to be overly fearful.
I am not a risk-taker. I have grown up afraid of heights, spiders, sharks, snakes, pain and cheap hotels. 😉 I was a picky eater and missed out on some great food until I was older. I have never broken a bone because I didn’t do things that are dangerous enough to cause broken bones (knock on wood). My friends tease me because I was the only one who wore a life jacket through our whole drunken rafting trip (another story). Interestingly, I have gotten braver as I have gotten older, but now I feel a sense of responsibility to be alive and in one piece for the sake of my children. So as twisted as this may sound, I would rather have my kids take risks when they’re younger (not 3 of course) and enjoy life to the fullest before they have families of their own.
So everyday I force myself outside my comfort zone to raise my kids to try new activities, foods and experiences. I want them to live their lives as they choose, as oppose to the way that will keep my heart beating normal. Does this mean I am signing the little darlings up for bungee-jumping? Not yet. But if they ask to take part in an activity that other kids do, I will take all reasonable precautions and tell them to go big. My son started snow-skiing at 3, with a helmet. He rides a dirt bike with full pads, helmet and a governor switch for the speed. He waterskiis, with a life jacket. And if my daughter wants to do all those things too (she absolutely does!) she can when I can provide a reasonable amount of precautions (aka she can reach the brakes!).
Did I wake up one day, make this choice and stick to it? No way! In fact, I still have room to further push out the old fearful Paige. My oldest never ate off the floor or had any bruises because I was so careful. But as he got older, I saw him becoming needlessly fearful of certain things and decided to try to turn it around. My youngest dare-devil diva is a good test of my boundaries and pushes her brother too. She proudly displays new bumps and bruises every week. So I often have to bite my tongue when my son and his friends are wrestling and close my eyes when they jump off the fourth stair. It’s not easy, but I think I am giving them the gift of a living a life full of experiences. I am teaching them how to look at a situation and see if they can make it safe enough. They may learn some lessons and get some bumps along the way, but then they can choose what to do from there.
Despite the fact that my friends will tell you I am a safety nut and do not take risks with my children, my views on parenting may not be widely agreed upon. If you’re one of those people who would rather keep their children away from dirt bikes, boats and rope swings and send them to school in bubble wrap, your opinions are truly welcome here. Each of us, as parents, has to go on their gut and live within their comfort zone.
For me, I am not going to keep my children in a bubble, I am going pay my health insurance premium just in case we need stitches or a cast and I am going to tell my kids to try new things (as long as they are not things sold on a street corner). As they get older I might even tell them it’s okay to jump off the bridge into the lake when no one is looking as long as they wear a life jacket…
Dressed and ready for school!
Always Bet on the Crazy Mama Bear
Wow, I had an amazing weekend house boating with my kids! I did as I said I would in my last post and ENJOYED them. There were moments when it was tough and my friend Stacey would remind me that I used to want 4 kids… (yes, I was crazy). But overall it was a great weekend and both of my kids got up on skis! There are lots of silly stories I could share, but instead I am going to warn you of the dangers of a mama bear…
No, I don’t mean something as harmless as a female grizzly bear, I am referring to ME, I am much scarier if your actions threaten the safety of my children. I also have a small tendency to over-react (my husband would argue it’s a major tendency) when it comes to the safety of my kids. So what would you do in this situation?:
We are sitting on the houseboat Saturday morning, parked in a cove. We look up and see a man of about 60 with a dirty t-shirt, board shorts and one-flip flop (we nicknamed him the uni-flopper) carrying a leather laptop bag, come out of the forest and start scaling down the hillside towards the water. As we sip our morning coffee, we watch him leave his bag on the shore and swim towards our boat WHERE OUR KIDS OUR SWIMMING. The “fur” on the back of my neck stands up and I tell the kids to swim over to the other side of the houseboat and swim next to my ski boat. The husbands come out. Papa Bears are deadly, but not as crazy as Mama Bears. (My friend Marilyn says you should always bet on crazy in a fight.) I check to make sure the keys to my ski boat are in the ignition and I decide, if need be, I can have the kids out of there in under 10 seconds, 15 if I reverse over the uni-flopper with my spinning prop. Yes, I would.
Uni-flopper swims up and asks to use a cell phone. He explained that he had too much tequila the night before, got in a fight with his wife and wandered off. He’s now somewhat lost and trying to get back to his houseboat. Let’s pause to give uni-flopper credit for being so drunk he wanders into a forest filled with bears, BUT remembers his laptop bag (We all wonder what was really in that bag…)! We called the sheriff who came out and picked up uni-flopper, and his laptop bag, to take him off to find his wife. Imagine that conversation…
The point is the uni-flopper is lucky to be alive. Getting through a night in the forest is cool, but surviving swimming up to my kids and my friends’ kids is a feat. I would also like to say congratulations to the jet skiers who had the good sense to give my waterskiing 3-year old a wide berth. Had you gotten closer, I would have chased you down and sunk your jet ski.
Other mama bear recognition goes to my three friends who I forced to wear life jackets with me in case we ALL had to dive in if my daughter fell and looked scared. Finally, thank you to my husband who had the extreme responsibility of towing my three-year old and ‘allegedly’ got yelled out to get there faster when she fell and momentarily got her foot stuck in the ski. She was calm and fine, I was perched on the side of the boat to dive in while simultaneously calling the national guard!
My theory is that one of the motherly hormones also allows women to change from average female to deadly predator. I know I have the potential to go from law-abiding citizen to vigilante killer in under a moment. At 5’5” and a small frame, I may not look menacing, but remember, you should always bet on crazy…
10 Declarations From My Kids
As I mentioned yesterday, I love lists and have a few forming in my head about my kids. As the saying goes, kids say the darndest things. My kids are no exception. Sometimes they stop me in my tracks with their insight or absurdity. They make me laugh, scream and cry with their remarks. Here is a list of my favorites:
- Mom, I think the Grinch is mean because he has no friends. So I’ll be his friend and then he will be nice.
- Mommy, if I use my magic wand, I can turn my vagina into a penis
- I like red wine better than white
- Mom, do you think I can have a playdate at charity’s house so I can play with my old toys?
- Thank you for a magical day mommy.
- She scratched me because I stopped her from trying to go tell on me.
- Mommy, I put all my stuffed animals in your bed so you would feel better
- Fuck this game*
- Don’t tell me I can’t marry my brother
- No fair that there is a mother’s day and father’s day, what about kids day?! (Everyday is kids day in this house!)
What is the funniest, craziest or most heart-warming thing your child has said?
*When my son was about 3 1/2 we were playing a board game and he was losing. He dropped the F-bomb to the shock of my husband and I. We quickly explained that his language was not okay and asked where did he hear that. He looked innocently at my husband and said, “From you dad, you say it all the time”! My husband was practically crying, trying to suppress his laughter, he was also impressed that our son had used it in the proper context.
10 Things I’ve Said As A Parent
I can’t sleep, I thought I had solved my frequent insomnia with an herbal sleeping pill, apparently my body has caught on and it may be time for the big guns. As I laid in bed trying to sleep, I was thinking about how much my kids make me crazy, the weird things I say as a parent and why I love them so much. For those of you that know me, you know I love spreadsheets and lists, so here you go, my first parenting list – 10 Things I Have Said As A Parent.
Warning: more to come…
- Get the chair off your head!
- How many did you flush?
- You went pee where?!
- The bathtub is not a water slide!
- If you have 6 more bites of chicken, you can try mommy’s wine.
- Untie your sister, it’s time for dinner.
- We do not put things in our bottoms.
- No sweet girl, you will never have a penis, not even if you have a magic wand
- If this plane had a parachute…
- Please God, keep them safe
I am going to try to get some sleep, what have you said as a parent?
I Miss My Best Friend
I am a very lucky girl, I have a fantastic circle of friends. Each of my friends are treasured for different reasons, but I have one best friend. The person I tell everything to, without fear of judgement. The one who knows all of my multiple personalities, who understands I am slightly off-balance (sometimes more).
I miss my best friend. I miss the long relaxed dinners, the impromptu cocktails, the inside jokes. I miss the ability to completely focus on each other when we’re together. That time is now filled with work and kids. We’re trying to juggle being high performers (because anyone else collects pink slips) and the worlds best parents (because anyone else raises demons). We try to do the best we can for everyone, everyday and the cost is our friendship. There isn’t time for long relaxing dinners (unless you count chicken nuggets and Capri Sun over the noise of the kids). Impromptu cocktails are doable, but kids have a very low appreciation for hangovers. Inside jokes are replaced by kids humor because we don’t do anything not related to our kids.
What we do get is the bond of being parents, of understanding each others hopes and fears for our children. Will our kids like Kindergarten, will they be good students, will they look both ways when we eventually let them cross the street by themselves – is 25 the right age? 😉
We hope that our friendship will still be there when we come out of the other side of the parenting vacuum. Will we have grown apart? Will we still enjoy each others’ company? We don’t know the answer but we talk about it, we squeeze in the rare time for just the two of us, we promise to keep an eye on our friendship. We know other best friends who haven’t fared as well and we try to learn from them.
My best friend is my husband and we live in the same house.
It’s Worth It
I often share the chaotic, stressful or funny parts of having kids. But every so often I have to state the obvious bottom line: they are worth every wrinkle, headache and bloody lip. One cuddle, ‘I love you’ or cute little saying is the reason I enjoy being a mom over anything in the world. I came across this video that sums it up so beautifully (and with humor) that I had to share:
Big Confession
Are you ready…
I have a psychic.
I have never believed in these things until a dear friend referred me to this psychic. I have spoken to her twice in the last 4 years and she predicted my daughter’s birth down to a description of her and her personality. She predicted my friend’s twins and other things that one could not be vague enough to guess. She’s the real deal. It drives my husband insane – an admitted side benefit 😉 but even he knows she hasn’t been wrong.
I share this because I am a little intuitive (or just another symptom of the craziness) and I feel like something really exciting is brewing in my life and I want my psychic to give me details. I was always the kid that tried to find or guess my presents and if I feel like something good is going to happen, I want to know already!!
So why haven’t I called? I am trying to practice patience and live in the now. I get very focused on goals and the future and am training myself to not miss the present. This is part of balance for me. Live in the present, enjoy my friends and family more and appreciate my blessed life. Instead of working after dinner tonight, like I always do, I built Lincoln Logs (and knocked them down!) with my kids. I skipped a meeting to have lunch with a friend this week – it felt great! I am taking a day off next week to take my kids to visit their godmother/my childhood friend that I don’t see as much as I’d like to. I am not abandoning my job, but I am putting more emphasis on the things that really matter. When I look back in 20 years am I going to remember the deal I closed or the cherished time with loved ones? This also means whatever good thing is coming will get here when it’s time and I will love what’s here now.
For those that know me well, there is a distinct possibility that I will blog about a call with my psychic next week, but I am trying and will be honest if my inner child wins…
Passion?
How much passion should one expect in his or her life?
I saw Eclipse from the Twilight Saga this week and was telling my friend Sarah, that it seems dreamy to be consumed by love, as Bella and Edward are, but not very realistic. I am in love with my husband, but I have a job and kids that come before being crazy in love. Sarah says that Twilight is giving young girls the wrong idea about love, that in the real world, love is not like what is portrayed in movies. Who’s wrong, Sarah or the world?
Similarly, how passionate should one hope to be about their job? I like my job, but I don’t get up every morning hankering to get to it. It has awesome moments, when I close a big deal or make an impact, but there are many things I would rather be doing than working. I know people who would do their job for free.
To answer my own question, I think one cannot expect vampire strength love everyday (excuse the analogy). The reality is that you can be in love with your partner, but not be able to focus on them all the time. But, I do think we should push ourselves to find our passion and make it a career whenever possible. You spend so much of your day working (if you have a job) so it would be great to love it so much you would do it for free.
How much passion do you have in you life? Is it enough?
Pay It Forward
Slightly Off-Balance 