I Will Not Shoot The Birds.. today
I have been quiet for a few days. I had high hopes for this week after I cancelled my business trip. I imagined a week where I got caught up on work, relaxed with my family, got re-acquainted with the gym and snuck in a cocktail with the girls. Clearly part of the problem was my expectations! I had put too much on my list for a week where the reality is I have performance reviews to write, a tough deal to try to close and normal life chaos. Then I got a cold.
I realize that a little cough is no big deal. But have you ever noticed how when you feel crappy, your perspective on life can get crappy. I think this is some sort of cold/flu because I have had a pounding headache and body aches too. I feel like I went slam dancing all night, then did a sunrise bungee jump, then got hit by a truck! Okay, maybe there’s no flu, maybe it’s because I have sat at my desk working long hours when I really just wanted to call in sick. I thought about it; fantasized about taking a sick day, watching movies in bed, reading and sleeping. Sounds like heaven right? But life doesn’t stop for a cold. The kids still tackle me like little linebackers, scream at the top of their lungs and want me to do normal mom stuff. Work is even less understanding. Don’t get me wrong, my boss would understand, but the to-do list would remain.
I was really driving the pity party bus this morning. My son came in my office and asked me to play with him. In a whining voice I hate to admit I possess, I said “Mommy is working, mommy HAS to work.” My son replied with “that’s no fun”. Thanks for the news flash! I was spinning on the thoughts of ‘wouldn’t I love to enjoy the summer days with my kids, escape the stress of work, not sit at my desk until I feel like a stiff old lady’. Of course!
Then I made a CHOICE to stop the pity party. I found a 30 minute break in my conference call schedule, grabbed my shoes and went for a walk. I cranked my i-pod and soaked up the sunshine. I reminded myself how fortunate I am that I work from home, have healthy, wonderful children, a great husband and amazing friends. I have a saying that I use when one of my friends is having a bad day: “The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, so I shot them” (Relax, it’s a metaphor, no need to call PETA). Meaning, sometimes we just want to wallow in a bad day until we’re ready to be optimists again. Well, the sun IS shining and the birds are safe for today!
This is a great reminder, that I can influence balance in my life, I can choose my perspective and how I react to the normal events in life. I can let the birds live and enjoy their singing – it drowns out my cough!
It’s Worth It
I often share the chaotic, stressful or funny parts of having kids. But every so often I have to state the obvious bottom line: they are worth every wrinkle, headache and bloody lip. One cuddle, ‘I love you’ or cute little saying is the reason I enjoy being a mom over anything in the world. I came across this video that sums it up so beautifully (and with humor) that I had to share:
Can I Shower with You?
Sometimes the simplest things in life can cause the most chaos. For me it was my morning shower. Okay, I am lying, my mid-morning shower. I had to squeeze in a quick rinse off between conference calls as usual.
Whoever did the plumbing on my house was abusing his vices, aka was on drugs! The faucets in our showers our reversed (if it says hot, it’s cold). Our master shower does not heat up unless you turn on the bathtub hot water first. None of these problems are new, just something we have learned to live with, until my kids got involved…
The hot and cold labels on our bathtub faucet handles fall off, and I am constantly putting them back on. – It’s on the honey-do (or should I say, honey-pay-someone-to-do list), but that’s a whole separate blog post. apparently my kids think these faucet labels are fun toys…
At 9:50 this morning I go running into my bathroom to rinse off before my 10:00 conference call. I turn on the hot water in the bathtub and wait for it to warm up – once it warms up, I can turn on the shower… I wait and it’s still cold, I am watching the clock tick towards 10 and still nothing. I finally think, which one is really the hot… I have to call my husband and ask him which faucet is the hot (because of course he knows without the labels, and I never pay attention to these things). He confirms that my little angels have switched the labels.
It is now 9:55, I switch the labels, turn on the hot water in the bath, wait for it to warm up then wait for my shower to warm up. I set yet another world record for showering and shaving and make my call by 10:02. Females really need more time to get ready than this!
These are the little things that contribute to my chaos. Thank God I work from home and don’t use video conferencing. I am may be mostly clean, but I look more like the plumber!
The Vice Exchange
My name is Paige and I am a sweets-aholic…
I have a friend who is trying to give up chewing tobacco and I always love a bet. We agreed that he wouldn’t chew and I wouldn’t eat any sweets (had I suffered a major head injury when I thought this was a good idea?!)
The deal is that whoever caves first buys the other a bottle of Jager (we both love Jagermeister) – which in itself is ironic, willpower to avoid a vice is rewarded with another vice. Hmmm….
It is day three of this bet and I am a wreck! I didn’t take the bet because I am a good friend and want to help him kick is chew habit (although that is what I said)- I took the bet to break my own sweets habits with the hope of dropping a couple of pounds. I must digress for a second – summer is the time when I want to look my best for bikinis on the boat, but I gain the most weight because of the numerous social events that involve beers, blended drinks and other delights!
Anyways, I thought the bet would force me to stay off the sweets. I am a very competitive person and care more about the bragging rights of winning a bet than anything else. The problem is that if you remove one vice from someone slightly off-balance like me, another vice or vices (yes, that is plural) must be introduced. To kill the sweets craving I have tried beer, Captain Morgan (who am I kidding, I ‘d drink those anyways! ) and my new Three Amigos – Freetos, Cheetos and Cheesits! I need an INTERVENTION! My daughter had oreo crumbs on her cheeks and my first instinct was to lick her clean! I smelled my kids’ candy basket yesterday. I am salivating just writing about sweets!Seriously – it’s bad, I’m bad. Where was I, chocolate… no…, cookies… no…, oh yeah, vices!
If you’re vice isn’t harmful, disgusting or mean just keep it! You may find that getting rid of it is more damaging than giving in – that’s what I am learning! So my friend is dealing with the lack of chew by eating sweets (I hate him) and his suggestion was that I should chew to kill the sweets craving. How’s that for rational?! Keep your vice, it’s better for you. Keep your vice, it loves you. Keep your vice, all your friends are keeping theirs. Keep your vice to avoid the dreaded effects of vice exchange!
Finally, if my train of thought is hard to follow – blame it on the lack of sugar!
A Real Mom’s Schedule
I often make lists of the goals I want to accomplish for the day and set up a schedule to get everything on the list done. I think that if I reach all my goals, I will get some time to relax and find balance…
I then realize the absurdity of my goals and the fact that the list ensures NO balance! What mother of two young children, working or not, is all caught up and has a moment to relax?! We don’t catch up while are kids are still young, just the way we don’t sleep through the night! So the goal is not checking everything off, but rather prioritizing the list. In my true OCD fashion I have devised a plan to accomplish a few things, while maintaining balance. This is my list (followed be a few revisions in italics) for tomorrow:
- Rise at 6:30 am, eat a healthy breakfast, shower before the kids get up, check Facebook Wake up when the kids wake me up because I will stay up too late tonight working and catching up on Tivo
- Snuggle with my kids until yoga Put the kids in my bed and let them watch a movie while I snuggle and try to sleep until 7:50 then park them in front of a movie so I can get in a half-ass shower where I sort-of shave my legs
- Cancel my 8:00 am conference call so I can do the 8:00 yoga class at the gym Who am I kidding, I have to be on that conference call! Plus, I can’t remember how to get to the gym…
- Attend 8:00 am meeting Call in for meeting at 8:10 because I have to jump out of the shower with conditioner in my hair and shaving cream on my legs to break up the kids fight over what movie to watch, tracking soap and shaving cream through my bedroom and almost slipping on the bathroom tile
- Get dressed and put on make-up during my 9:00 call Start my 9:00 meeting in my bathrobe with wet hair, eat off my kids breakfast plates, with my work phone on mute.
- Meetings from 8-5. While on these conference calls, I will try to get work done, keep up on email, write thank you notes, fold laundry. Get dressed and do my makeup. Experience has taught me to mind the headset cord on my work phone when trying to put my shirt on!
- 5:00 Throw my air-dried lion’s mane in a messy chic pony tail
- 5:05 Help get the kids ready for dinner and leave for sushi with the girls at 5:15. Kiss my kids and husband and leave early so I can have a drink with my girlfriends before dinner
- 8:00 Return home in time to kiss the kids goodnight and start working.
- 8:30 Return from sushi after the kids are in bed so I can avoid the battle, will sit in my girlfriend’s car gossiping to kill time if necessary
- Clean out my closet, finish my work from the day Realize I am tipsy, skip cleaning the closet and turn off my laptop to avoid saying anything inappropriate on work email
You may be asking yourself – how this is balance? I may not get as much done with the revised schedule, but I’ll have more fun!
Suggestions to the schedule accepted! 😉
Want More Paige?
Yes, another post is in the works, it was a busy few days celebrating my daughter’s third birthday!
Several of you have asked me how to be notified when I have posted another blog. There are three easy ways:
- Set up an email subscription – by clicking on “sign me up” on the right hand side of my home page, you will get an email every time I post.
- Friend me on Facebook – I have a feed going to my Facebook account. A link to my Facebook can be found on the right hand side of my home page or you can look me up – Paige Morgan.
- Follow me on Twitter – I have a feed of my posts going to my Twitter account. A link to my Twitter account can be found on the right hand side of my home page or my username is offbalancepaige
I hope you’ll keep reading and comment!
-Paige
Big Confession
Are you ready…
I have a psychic.
I have never believed in these things until a dear friend referred me to this psychic. I have spoken to her twice in the last 4 years and she predicted my daughter’s birth down to a description of her and her personality. She predicted my friend’s twins and other things that one could not be vague enough to guess. She’s the real deal. It drives my husband insane – an admitted side benefit 😉 but even he knows she hasn’t been wrong.
I share this because I am a little intuitive (or just another symptom of the craziness) and I feel like something really exciting is brewing in my life and I want my psychic to give me details. I was always the kid that tried to find or guess my presents and if I feel like something good is going to happen, I want to know already!!
So why haven’t I called? I am trying to practice patience and live in the now. I get very focused on goals and the future and am training myself to not miss the present. This is part of balance for me. Live in the present, enjoy my friends and family more and appreciate my blessed life. Instead of working after dinner tonight, like I always do, I built Lincoln Logs (and knocked them down!) with my kids. I skipped a meeting to have lunch with a friend this week – it felt great! I am taking a day off next week to take my kids to visit their godmother/my childhood friend that I don’t see as much as I’d like to. I am not abandoning my job, but I am putting more emphasis on the things that really matter. When I look back in 20 years am I going to remember the deal I closed or the cherished time with loved ones? This also means whatever good thing is coming will get here when it’s time and I will love what’s here now.
For those that know me well, there is a distinct possibility that I will blog about a call with my psychic next week, but I am trying and will be honest if my inner child wins…
Debauchery = De-Bitchery
I am spending a long weekend on a friend’s houseboat with 15 other adults. We all have children at home and this is our weekend to cut loose and act like college kids again. Needless to say, it is our annual weekend of debauchery. We drink too much, act silly and laugh hard. We come home exhausted, hung over and rejuvenated.
I am just going to say it – if you have kids, you need a vice: alcohol, chocolate, Prozac – something! We love our children more than anything in the world but they test our patience, steal our sleep, and limit our freedom. While they are worth every sacrifice, we have to have time to let loose. For me, my weekend of drunken antics will scale back the bitchiness that builds up from juggling a busy life.
I have written about my irritation with stay at home moms who judge working moms. But stay at home mom’s might even need a break more than me – at least I have 8-10 hours per day of different stress. Whether you’re a working mom or your whole focus is raising kids (very admirable job), you go crazy from time to time (my time hits daily!). As my wise friend Sarah says, “parenting is only tough if you care”. Every mom I know cares a lot and that makes it the hardest job in the world, one which requires de-bitchery.
So this weekend I will drink to all moms in need of de-bitchery!
Being Self-Critical
I was chatting with a friend today and she was telling me her fear that someday someone will discover she is all smoke and mirrors. She was doubting her abilities in her profession. The irony is that this woman is amazing! She is top of her game in her career and is one of my personal role models. She is incredibly smart, without being a know-it-all.
How could a woman like that doubt herself?
One answer is that part of her success can be attributed to being self-critical. Most self-critical people I know, including myself, strive for improvement and never over-state our results. This becomes a bigger pitfall if you compare yourself to someone who oversells their accomplishments – it becomes easy to doubt our level of success.
We also hold ourselves to a higher standard that we hold others. I look at some of my friends and am in awe of all that they do and am surprised when they say the same thing about me. We lovingly give our friends slack, why not do it for ourselves?
My lesson here is that if you’re going to be self-critical, you need to balance that with a healthy dose of self-appreciation!
Friends and Bars
Friends are like a well stocked bar. A well stocked bar provides variety to suit your moods. A crazy girls weekend calls for shots, a quiet night at home- a glass of wine, a Friday afternoon – margaritas. Friends are similar. Playdate mommies, co-workers and book club ladies all bring a different perspective and provide a different kid of fun or enrichment. Friends can also cause hangovers in excess. Good friends also get better with age and lousy friends turn to vinegar over time.
They key to balance is learning over time which friends cause hangovers and should be enjoyed in moderation, which ones to invest heavily in because they will age and which ones will turn to vinegar and should be dumped. It’s a simple theory, but tough in practice. It took me years to realize spiced rum is the only drink I can do all day and that sugary drinks will lead to a hangover every time. It’s even harder to acknowledge a toxic friend or ones that are deceivingly sweet. I have been paying attention to my little voice lately and am starting to catalog my friends the way I do my bar. This allows me to prioritize my time and surround myself with top shelf friends.
I feel very blessed to have a diverse group of friends and a well stocked bar! What defines your top shelf or prized vintage friend?
Pay It Forward
Slightly Off-Balance 
