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Can I Shower with You?
Sometimes the simplest things in life can cause the most chaos. For me it was my morning shower. Okay, I am lying, my mid-morning shower. I had to squeeze in a quick rinse off between conference calls as usual.
Whoever did the plumbing on my house was abusing his vices, aka was on drugs! The faucets in our showers our reversed (if it says hot, it’s cold). Our master shower does not heat up unless you turn on the bathtub hot water first. None of these problems are new, just something we have learned to live with, until my kids got involved…
The hot and cold labels on our bathtub faucet handles fall off, and I am constantly putting them back on. – It’s on the honey-do (or should I say, honey-pay-someone-to-do list), but that’s a whole separate blog post. apparently my kids think these faucet labels are fun toys…
At 9:50 this morning I go running into my bathroom to rinse off before my 10:00 conference call. I turn on the hot water in the bathtub and wait for it to warm up – once it warms up, I can turn on the shower… I wait and it’s still cold, I am watching the clock tick towards 10 and still nothing. I finally think, which one is really the hot… I have to call my husband and ask him which faucet is the hot (because of course he knows without the labels, and I never pay attention to these things). He confirms that my little angels have switched the labels.
It is now 9:55, I switch the labels, turn on the hot water in the bath, wait for it to warm up then wait for my shower to warm up. I set yet another world record for showering and shaving and make my call by 10:02. Females really need more time to get ready than this!
These are the little things that contribute to my chaos. Thank God I work from home and don’t use video conferencing. I am may be mostly clean, but I look more like the plumber!
The Vice Exchange
My name is Paige and I am a sweets-aholic…
I have a friend who is trying to give up chewing tobacco and I always love a bet. We agreed that he wouldn’t chew and I wouldn’t eat any sweets (had I suffered a major head injury when I thought this was a good idea?!)
The deal is that whoever caves first buys the other a bottle of Jager (we both love Jagermeister) – which in itself is ironic, willpower to avoid a vice is rewarded with another vice. Hmmm….
It is day three of this bet and I am a wreck! I didn’t take the bet because I am a good friend and want to help him kick is chew habit (although that is what I said)- I took the bet to break my own sweets habits with the hope of dropping a couple of pounds. I must digress for a second – summer is the time when I want to look my best for bikinis on the boat, but I gain the most weight because of the numerous social events that involve beers, blended drinks and other delights!
Anyways, I thought the bet would force me to stay off the sweets. I am a very competitive person and care more about the bragging rights of winning a bet than anything else. The problem is that if you remove one vice from someone slightly off-balance like me, another vice or vices (yes, that is plural) must be introduced. To kill the sweets craving I have tried beer, Captain Morgan (who am I kidding, I ‘d drink those anyways! ) and my new Three Amigos – Freetos, Cheetos and Cheesits! I need an INTERVENTION! My daughter had oreo crumbs on her cheeks and my first instinct was to lick her clean! I smelled my kids’ candy basket yesterday. I am salivating just writing about sweets!Seriously – it’s bad, I’m bad. Where was I, chocolate… no…, cookies… no…, oh yeah, vices!
If you’re vice isn’t harmful, disgusting or mean just keep it! You may find that getting rid of it is more damaging than giving in – that’s what I am learning! So my friend is dealing with the lack of chew by eating sweets (I hate him) and his suggestion was that I should chew to kill the sweets craving. How’s that for rational?! Keep your vice, it’s better for you. Keep your vice, it loves you. Keep your vice, all your friends are keeping theirs. Keep your vice to avoid the dreaded effects of vice exchange!
Finally, if my train of thought is hard to follow – blame it on the lack of sugar!
A Real Mom’s Schedule
I often make lists of the goals I want to accomplish for the day and set up a schedule to get everything on the list done. I think that if I reach all my goals, I will get some time to relax and find balance…
I then realize the absurdity of my goals and the fact that the list ensures NO balance! What mother of two young children, working or not, is all caught up and has a moment to relax?! We don’t catch up while are kids are still young, just the way we don’t sleep through the night! So the goal is not checking everything off, but rather prioritizing the list. In my true OCD fashion I have devised a plan to accomplish a few things, while maintaining balance. This is my list (followed be a few revisions in italics) for tomorrow:
- Rise at 6:30 am, eat a healthy breakfast, shower before the kids get up, check Facebook Wake up when the kids wake me up because I will stay up too late tonight working and catching up on Tivo
- Snuggle with my kids until yoga Put the kids in my bed and let them watch a movie while I snuggle and try to sleep until 7:50 then park them in front of a movie so I can get in a half-ass shower where I sort-of shave my legs
- Cancel my 8:00 am conference call so I can do the 8:00 yoga class at the gym Who am I kidding, I have to be on that conference call! Plus, I can’t remember how to get to the gym…
- Attend 8:00 am meeting Call in for meeting at 8:10 because I have to jump out of the shower with conditioner in my hair and shaving cream on my legs to break up the kids fight over what movie to watch, tracking soap and shaving cream through my bedroom and almost slipping on the bathroom tile
- Get dressed and put on make-up during my 9:00 call Start my 9:00 meeting in my bathrobe with wet hair, eat off my kids breakfast plates, with my work phone on mute.
- Meetings from 8-5. While on these conference calls, I will try to get work done, keep up on email, write thank you notes, fold laundry. Get dressed and do my makeup. Experience has taught me to mind the headset cord on my work phone when trying to put my shirt on!
- 5:00 Throw my air-dried lion’s mane in a messy chic pony tail
- 5:05 Help get the kids ready for dinner and leave for sushi with the girls at 5:15. Kiss my kids and husband and leave early so I can have a drink with my girlfriends before dinner
- 8:00 Return home in time to kiss the kids goodnight and start working.
- 8:30 Return from sushi after the kids are in bed so I can avoid the battle, will sit in my girlfriend’s car gossiping to kill time if necessary
- Clean out my closet, finish my work from the day Realize I am tipsy, skip cleaning the closet and turn off my laptop to avoid saying anything inappropriate on work email
You may be asking yourself – how this is balance? I may not get as much done with the revised schedule, but I’ll have more fun!
Suggestions to the schedule accepted! 😉
Big Confession
Are you ready…
I have a psychic.
I have never believed in these things until a dear friend referred me to this psychic. I have spoken to her twice in the last 4 years and she predicted my daughter’s birth down to a description of her and her personality. She predicted my friend’s twins and other things that one could not be vague enough to guess. She’s the real deal. It drives my husband insane – an admitted side benefit 😉 but even he knows she hasn’t been wrong.
I share this because I am a little intuitive (or just another symptom of the craziness) and I feel like something really exciting is brewing in my life and I want my psychic to give me details. I was always the kid that tried to find or guess my presents and if I feel like something good is going to happen, I want to know already!!
So why haven’t I called? I am trying to practice patience and live in the now. I get very focused on goals and the future and am training myself to not miss the present. This is part of balance for me. Live in the present, enjoy my friends and family more and appreciate my blessed life. Instead of working after dinner tonight, like I always do, I built Lincoln Logs (and knocked them down!) with my kids. I skipped a meeting to have lunch with a friend this week – it felt great! I am taking a day off next week to take my kids to visit their godmother/my childhood friend that I don’t see as much as I’d like to. I am not abandoning my job, but I am putting more emphasis on the things that really matter. When I look back in 20 years am I going to remember the deal I closed or the cherished time with loved ones? This also means whatever good thing is coming will get here when it’s time and I will love what’s here now.
For those that know me well, there is a distinct possibility that I will blog about a call with my psychic next week, but I am trying and will be honest if my inner child wins…
New Support Group
I am starting a new support group called, “I am a good mother with a full time job and doing the best I can”.
There will be no support group meetings because we have no time, we will not meet in person, because we never get to leave our houses/offices. Instead we will sit in our offices drinking a glass of wine (or stronger) reminding ourselves that we can only do what we can do and it’s ok that we don’t live and breathe our children 24 hours a day.
We will understand that full time moms who make stupid comments like, “Do you think your son is having a hard time because you travel so much?” are simply jealous because they know we have fulfilling careers or that they are too dumb to realize how simplistic their lives are. We will be able to share our work accomplishments with women who get it and don’t think we’re bragging or suggesting we’re more important.
We will celebrate our friends, who are stay at home moms, who help with our kids. We cherish these women who provide balance to our crazy lives.
Finally, we will try to keep ourselves from working until midnight to make up for the fact that we are going to try and watch the occasional t-ball practice or sneak in a quick run, to compete with the co-worker who is single, childless and doesn’t have wonderful friends to give them balance!
Wanna Join?
Pay It Forward
Slightly Off-Balance 
