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Archive for the ‘Holidays’ Category

My Husband is Trying to Upgrade Me

December 29, 2010 4 comments

We have survived Christmas!  Despite the state of affairs in my house on the morning of Christmas Eve (if you didn’t read this post, please do, it’s one of my favorites), we had a lovely holiday.  The food was delicious, the wine was effective and all the toys had off switches.

Christmas morning was an overwhelming display of consumerism over-indulgence normal chaos for our house.  Last year, we got the kids a Wii and my daughter a play kitchen so there were fewer presents, but they were big-ticket items.  This year, none of us had any big tickets items on our Christmas lists, so Christmas morning looked like this:

 

This is just the present for my kids, my husband and myself.  I am sure there is a support group somewhere my husband can join.  Yes, he does more shopping than I do at Christmas, but I make up for it the rest of the year!

As I opened the gifts from my husband, a clear message was delivered: Despite how comfortable they are, my husband is not happy with my lingerie and loungewear old cotton underwear and ratty pajamas (except for the cute pair from the pajama exchange).   As I opened box after box, he instructed me to throw out everything else.  He also got me two new pairs of shoes, a new purse and new running shoes.  There is no doubt in my mind, this was his cry for help.  He wants me to step it up and look more like the wife I have the potential to will never be.  Fortunately, he is realistic, it was not all lace thongs and teddys.  He gave me some cute flannel pants and new full-butt underwear.  (Judge me if you want, but I like both my buns covered when I sleep).  His present were balanced.  I can get dressed up and look great presentable a few times per week, but I am not the woman who is perfectly put together everyday.  This would be impossible considering I do not even get dressed every day. 

The gifts of course forced me to clean out my closet and drawers.  Which leads me to the update: How did my Blonde Ambition Holiday Tour go?  You’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out.  It’s 4:15 and I have a pie in the oven (from a box), cocktails to drink (never from a box, well almost never…) and a dinner party to attend.  Really, our friends are frying a turkey tonight.  Because ’tis the season of over-indulgence and I hope I have made it clear – I am a huge fan of over-indulgence!

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Categories: Confessions, Holidays

The (Off-Balance) Day Before Christmas

December 24, 2010 4 comments
Twas the day before Christmas when all through the house,
Not a clean spot could be found, not even an ounce.
 
The stockings were hung by the chimney with haste,
In hopes that I’d buy stuff before it’s too late.
 
With me in my flannels and Chris in his boxers,
We were sure not an ad for Gap or Brooks Brothers.
 
When what to my wandering mind should appear?
The realization that Christmas is near!
 
There were presents to wrap and groceries to buy.
Would I be done in time? Not sure.  No lie.
 
Eight people for dinner, do we have enough wine?
I ran out of butter and must stand in line.
 
The children were plotting all smug under their beds.
In hopes of ensuring I would snap, lose my head.
 
They bickered and fought, Santa threats had gone stale.
Should I send their gifts back through priority mail?
 
I must clean, wrap and cook all day and all night.
With enough caffeine and yelling, it’ll be alright.
 
When I pull off Martha Stewart Christmas you’ll know.
Despite all the chaos, I put on a hell of a show!
 
So as you scurry and prep, know you’re not the only one.
Merry Christmas to you and I hope you have fun!

Another Great Gift: Beer Bike

December 22, 2010 3 comments

I am really proud of my community service here:  I am not only providing some great gift ideas, I am also encouraging physical fitness.  I give you the Beer Bike.

Credit to GCV for the find!

Categories: Holidays, Humor Tags: ,

BEST Christmas Gift Idea: Shotski

December 21, 2010 4 comments

I was out for yet another holiday event last night – don’t try this at home kids, I am a professional.  I went out for sushi and drinks with some girlfriends. There are many highlights, but I think I can sum it all up with my friend’s  gift idea: the Shotski.  It’s ecofriendly (if you find a ski in a dumpster), cheap and unique.

Do you hate when one person drinks their shot before everyone else?  Do you have a friend who nurses their shot?  Do you know someone who has everything?  The Shotski is for you.

What’s your go-to gift this season?

Blonde Ambition Holiday Tour

December 20, 2010 8 comments

Before you all get too excited, no, Madonna is not doing a holiday show.

The Blonde Ambition Holiday Tour is my plan for the next two weeks.  My plan is to make the most of it being quiet at work, as well as having the kids home, in order to start the new year caught up, cleaned up and with some good habits.  It is the Blonde Ambition tour because I am blonde (thanks to my stylist Yvette) and it’s one hell of an ambitious list. 

In order to organize my efforts, I am separating the list into work and home.  I am officially working this week and next week, but next week will be even quieter than this one.  So I plan to focus on work this week and home next week.  The work list is boring, so I won’t share it, but it sounds something like presentation blah blah blah email blah blah blah hire someone blah blah blah.

Home List (brace yourself):

  • Make it to the gym at least four days each week to counteract the 12 Pounds of Christmas
  • Clean-out my closet and give to charity  – there are some clothes in there that would be better suited for an elf.
  • Help my kids with their charity donations.  Before their birthdays and Christmas I make my kids go through their toys and each fill a minimum of a 12 gallon trash bag with toys for charity.  I explain that they have to give to others in order to receive.  It’s a great lesson on helping those less fortunate AND it keeps my home from turning into residential Toys R Us. (When I got to bed at night, I don’t like any toys in plain sight).
  • Clean-out my husband’s office – This is frightening.  There is paperwork, empty router boxes and my kids’ school work from the last two years in there.  It’s the embarrassing catch-all room and unfortunately it is in the same hall as the guest bathroom, so we need to make it look less like somebody threw up a recycling bin in there.
  • Have at least three playdates for the kids and three “mommy playdates”.
  • Upload pictures to Facebook and make discs for people.
  • Visit family and friends 3 hours away, 1 hour away and 30 minutes away.
  • Host Christmas dinner.  I need a really good dessert recipe that will feed 10 – any ideas?
  • Take down already dead tree and Christmas decorations on December 26th.

STOP LAUGHING!  If you think it’s funny or even ludicrous to come up with this list of things to do during the holidays, aside from surviving the holidays, I agree.  But when else can I get it done?  I miss my friends and family, my kids have spent a lot of time at home with each other and organization and tidiness makes me swoon.  Yes, I want to try for supermom despite repeated reminders from the universe that I crash after a couple of days of trying to do it all.  But yet I keep trying.  Why?  Because I’m a fighter? My meds aren’t right? I am a glutton for punishment?  I don’t know, but I am headed straight for completely off-balance in pursuit of balance. 

It’s Monday at 12:30 pm, how am I doing so far?

  • I took an hour-long beating in one of those circuit classes today.  I should have known I was screwed when the warm-up was a mile run. (For those that don’t know me, I am not an athlete.  For those that know me, you know that is an understatement).
  • My son currently has a playdate and I am taking my daughter to a kids party this afternoon.
  • I am going out for dinner with the girls tonight.
  • I have a load of laundry in the washer – it should be in the dryer, but one thing at a time.

I am off to a good start.  Now you may be thinking, this is boring, we don’t want to hear about all the good stuff you’re getting done.  But trust me, when I fall on stage (we’re going back to the Madonna analogy), I do it with a bang!

Stay tuned for the pyrotechnics!

Pictures with Santa Fail

December 13, 2010 14 comments

We are dashing through the snow our Christmas checklist of things to do with the kids during the holiday season.  Yesterday we hung up the Christmas lights outside and last night was the night to go take pictures with Santa.

Pictures with Santa is not one of my favorite activities: the waiting, the screaming kids, the germs – and that is before we even leave the house!  But, we have to pay our $20 for our 3 x 5 picture that proves we love our kids.  But this year was going to be fun, we had a plan…

We had dinner with a few friends and then raced around dressing the kids so that people would think my children regularly wore ironed, button-down shirts and poofy dresses.  I went to put on my daughter’s black tights and discovered I had brought footless leggings, so I pulled them down over her heels and shoved the ends into the toes of her black Mary Jane’s.  “But mommy, this is not how they work,” exclaimed my exasperated daughter.  “I know sweetie, but Mommy is silly and  we don’t want you to look goofy (I almost said stupid and caught myself) in your picture.”  I think the desperation in my voice and the rushing around of the other moms convinced my daughter to just go with it.

We packed the kids into the cars and headed off to see the big man.  As we were driving there, one of my friends said, “I didn’t think  to call to see what time the mall closes on a Sunday”.  It was 5:55 pm so I knew we were safe, no self-respecting mall closed before 9:00 pm this close to Christmas.

We pulled into the mall, congratulating ourselves for deciding to go on a Sunday night since there were far fewer cars in the parking lot.  We got the kids out of the car and somehow made it through the parking lot without losing anyone.  The kids were running around like someone had given them a Santa size portion of cocoa and I figured letting them run a bit before hitting the picture line would help preserve my last holiday nerve.

We opened the door to the mall… wait, why is it not opening?  They lock one of the doors?  All the doors are locked?  What the holly?  What time does the fa la la la la mall close?! 

6:00 pm.

My kids now have a picture in their Christmas finest in front of Coca-Cola machine – hey, at least it’s red and white!

Tell me about one your holiday mishaps.  I’ll either learn from your mistake or repeat it on purpose.

 

Kids Christmas and Cocktail Pairings

December 10, 2010 17 comments

I had an epiphany tonight – I am a sommelier!  Just as a sommelier pairs the perfect wine with a great meal, I have the talent to match a cocktail to any kid Christmas event, well any event really, but let’s try to keep it seasonal people!

So here you go, the perfect holiday pairing list:

  • Getting a Christmas Tree
    • Straight Vodka (if you’re spouse is a perfectionist like mine)
  • Decorating the Christmas Tree
    • Hot Buttered Rum – you must get the seasonal stomach (aka gut) in training
  • Putting up Christmas Lights
    • Water – this was a test people! Roofs and liquor don’t mix
  • Watching The Polar Express with the kids
    • Bailey’s and Hot Cocoa – “Hot, hot, ooh we got it” (If this doesn’t make sense, you haven’t seen the movie, which means you’re getting coal in your stocking)
  • Kids School Christmas Pageant
    • Coffee and Peppermint Schnapps (people will think it’s coffee and gum)
  • Christmas Date Night with Your Spouse
  • Santa Run – Standing in the freezing a$% cold to watch firetrucks and Santa come through the neighborhood
    • Brandy – in the name of survival
  • Company Christmas Party
    • White wine if you’re smart, Goldschlager if you’re looking for a severance package to bank roll your kids’ gifts
  • Making a Gingerbread House
    • Egg Nog – When else do you make a house out of cookies and candy?  When else do you drink egg nog?
  • Christmas Caroling
    • Can’t help you here, you’d have to give me (or the people who would have to listen) the whole bar to get me to sing in public
  • Kids’ Cookie Decorating Party
    • Cranberry Margaritas – Kids, frosting and sprinkles, you may want just want a shot glass
  • Girl’s Christmas Happy Hour
    • Christmas Cosmos – Out of style? Maybe, but so are Christmas sweaters, and we’re rockin’ them!
  • Neighborhood Cocktail Party – Adult’s Only
    • This whole list.  Times two.
  • Christmas Brunch with Relatives
    • Mimosa – It ony takes a splash of orange juice to look civilized
  • Christmas Brunch with Friends
    • Bellini’s – Fun, sophisticated and unique – just like my friends, well most of them…
  • White Elephant Exchange
    • White Russians – I don’t know why, I just think it sounds like a good idea.  So it is.
  • Christmas Dinner
    • Wine – Prime Rib and Cabernet, yes please!
  • Christmas Dinner with In-Laws
    • Tequila – And that’s just Plan A…
  • After Christmas Sales
    • Bloody Marys – Kills the Christmas dinner hangover and gives you energy to shop

I hope this list gets you through the holidays.  At anytime you may substitute any drink for hot cocoa and Bailey’s. 

Okay, what event did I forget?  What’s your favorite Christmas Cocktail recipe?