Home > Love, Paige's Favorites, Relationships > I CHOOSE To Love


In a recent post, I talked about I feel kids help my marriage.  This may seem unusual to some, but  I truly believe I can choose my perspective and response to life.  Not every day is magic and love.  I break under pressure, I consider sending my kids off to the circus and my husband to Antarctica, but I make choices.  I chose to have kids and I choose to focus on the positive. 

My husband and I did a couples counseling weekend before we got married and they said you will not be in love with your partner through your whole marriage, some days you will have to use your resolve and choose to love.  I choose to love on the tough days.  When I want to unleash my completely unbalanced side on my husband, I make a conscious decision to love him.  I definitely do not feel in love with him at that moment, but I remind myself that our relationship is deeper than that.  My choice to love him is what carries me through until I feel “in love” again.  I know that life is full of ups and downs.  I use the ups to get me through the downs.  I am confident that each chapter in my life will be different.  I also now have a clever way of telling him I am angry with him the kids are present – when he hears me say “I am choosing to love you”, he knows he has set off my crazy side!

I used my “choose to love mantra” with a friend yesterday.  She was having one of those days, she was arguing with her husband in front of her kids.  She was at her wit’s end and didn’t provide the normal explanation to her kids that mommies and daddies fight, but still love each other.  Instead, she had that moment where her head may have been capable of spinning around on her neck and she was driving the anger train!  She needed fresh perspective.  I reminded her that she has the ability to choose to love him. 

– On a side note, imagine how annoying it must be to have a friend like me who interjects positivity and “choose to love” mantras when you’re pissed off and ready to come unglued.  Maybe it’s not my advice that helps, but rather that her husband seems like a better ally then my Little Mary Sunshine personality (reminder: I have several personalities).

Back to the point – I believe that my marriage is strengthened by weathering the rocky periods.  I look back on the ten years of my marriage and they haven’t all been as good as this one and I know there will be rough years in the future, but I’d rather be tested and pass than keep my marriage in a bubble.  It’s a lot of work to choose happiness, positivity and love.  It’s also a lot of work to be friends with me, but I have to hope that there is some goodness in both.

  1. August 19, 2010 at 6:17 am

    Awesome post. Consider yourself blessed that you have friends that are open to the concept of choosing to love. That is an awesome friendship and I pray that God blesses.

  2. August 19, 2010 at 8:07 am

    Thanks Justin! I am very blessed to have the great friends AND husband that I do!

  3. bearlover
    August 19, 2010 at 8:37 am

    If I knew this friend I am positive that she respects and treasures your advise or she wouldn’t share her life with you. A strong marriage is ALWAYS a choice. Some days I make the right one and others…I apologize for. I’ve always said any marriage can make it on a sunny beach in Hawaii, but the true test of a marriage is whether there is room for both you of under the umbrella when it pours. Unfortunately when it does pour…for a few days..it gets a little tight under that umbrella and some one MAY get yelled at!!

  4. August 19, 2010 at 9:53 am

    I could not agree with you more. I am so glad I found your post.

    So many people think there is “the one.” They marry “the one” and when that feeling of being “in love” ebbs and flows (as it naturally will), they assume that someone else must be “the one.”

    Sure, you get married because you are in love. But the act of GETTING married? That’s a choice. You’re CHOOSING to make that commitment, to LOVE the other person even when you might not feel lovey dovey. I think if more people understood that concept, there’d be less divorce. GREAT POST!

    • August 19, 2010 at 1:01 pm

      Thank you! I may be wrong or not as happy as I thought, but I think lovey Dovey is such a small part of marriage, even happy fulfilling ones!

  5. August 19, 2010 at 10:23 am

    Great reminder.

    It may sound silly and trite considering the source, but I remember reading years ago that Courtney Cox and David Arquette have “A deal’s a deal” engraved in their wedding bands. I always sort of identified with that and my husband and I have adopted it as a common phrase in our house.

  6. August 19, 2010 at 10:29 am

    blessed babe!

  7. August 19, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    so much truth to this post. Awesome. We always have a choice, the question is whether we make the right one or not.


  8. blessedmummy
    August 19, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    thank you so much… yr post is jsut what i need now! love yr blog… so happy to have chance upon it 1 day when yr blog was listed on wordpress.com…

    by the way, i am from Singapore… if you are ever here, look for me! and yes, i am utterly off balanced at times!

  9. August 20, 2010 at 3:31 pm

    Very inspiring post, thank you for sharing. We just passed our 1-year mark of marriage this year and I’m always on the lookout for solid advice. I’ll be back!

    • August 20, 2010 at 4:02 pm

      Thank you. I like the idea of living vicariously through your DINK life and reading about your fabulous travels all over the world! We do our best to travel with the kids and they are pretty good at it, but we certainly don’t do as much as we would.

  10. August 21, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    Hmm, sounds like a song or a poem you have written:
    I choose to love him/
    like banter art/
    too cold to send him yet/
    to Antarctica, and//

    life is a circus, tra, la/
    I’m walking on a tight rope./
    Will I love him tomorrow?//

    His love will trapeze me –/
    he pleases me/
    when I catch him flying in love/
    and there’s a net;/
    isn’t there?//
    — Doug

    • September 22, 2010 at 10:35 pm

      Doug, I was going back through comments and was certain I had replied to your comment. So clever and cyte – you’re gifted. How long did that take you?

  11. August 22, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    Couldn’t agree more. but “choosing” is a very tough choice, because maybe one day I might regret it or something,or screw it up or maybe not. but to someone who isn’t married yet,this is a little bit “scary”.but I love your post because its honest.

    • September 22, 2010 at 10:36 pm

      Yasmine – choosing is tough, but divorce takes too much energy. 😉

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