Home > Balance, Confessions, Humor, Lists, Parenting > 5 Types of Over-Balanced Moms

5 Types of Over-Balanced Moms

You know what I am talking about, the too perfect and know-it-all moms…

I know what you’re going to say: “But Paige, you preach that every mother should be valued and not judged”.  Correction – real people should be valued, but I choose to mock stereotypes all I want!  And as for why I have decided to call them “over-balanced” ?  Well everybody knows that too much of a good thing will make you sick!  So to make the rest of us real mom’s feel better here we go…

  1. Too-Perfect-Mom: Nothing ever falls out of her car when she drops the kids off at school.  She attends every event and brings homemade baked goods for all occasions.  She’s never late and never looks like she just rolled out of bed.  You have never seen her raise her voice to her angelic children and when you describe your chaotic day, she just gives you a sympathetic smile.  She is NOT in the running for Mother of the Year! (But you could be if you submit…)
  2. Fashionista Mom: Always perfectly coiffed, trendy and never stained.  Whether it’s early morning drop-off or coming from the gym, she never looks frumpy or disheveled.  We all have our good days, but she’s never had a bad one.
  3. Know-It-All-Mom: She is an authority on everything.  She tells you what you’re doing wrong as a parent (and possibly everything else) and how to correct it.
  4. Age Defying Mom – She has given birth to four kids and looks like she is 18.  Perfectly toned, perky boobs,  no wrinkles and she eats pizza and cupcakes at every party.  The only consolation is imagining she has a plastic surgeon on speed dial, but alas, you’re sure she just has good genes.
  5. Overly-Talented-Mom: She’s athletic, a fabulous cook, crafty and decorated her model home.  She sews all of her children’s darling clothes and made a breathtaking mission out of dried pasta and baking soda for her child’s school project.  Everything she does is flawless and fabulous.  I have a friend like this, but she’s crazy, so I still love her.

In revolt of over-balance, I present you with Paige: 

  • I am mildly athletic, if you count that I don’t usually trip when I walk.
  • When I cook dinner, my husband tells me to focus on the main course and he’ll handle the rest
  • The only thing I’ve made with my glue gun is a mess
  • I forgot my daughter’s snack day at preschool… EVERY TIME FOR THE WHOLE YEAR! (sorry Miss Jill!)
  • My best clothes are Target sales rack and my nanny has had to intervene when I tried to leave the house in a pathetic state
  • I have a small fortune worth of half-empty water bottles floating around my car
  • When I am on my “A” game, I close my windows before I yell
  • The only thing I consider myself an expert on is being a crazy, off-balance mommy

Are you over-balanced? If so, what’s the secret?  Prozac and wine??

If you’re off-balanced, like me?  What’s your shining moment? I can hear what you’re thinking, that’s a funny one, you should enter my Mom of the Year Contest.

I'm no June Cleaver...

  1. October 27, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    interesting this post comes on the heels of the one the other day where the mom at the dance class or whatever looked down her nose at you “you’re one of THOSE moms”. yes, you work, yes you have a nanny, etc, etc…and Too Perfect Mom was judging you. maybe. just sayin. I’m a dad and I could really care less what other moms; and dads for that matter think of my parenting skills. the only ones I have to impress are my kids, and myself. we seem to be doing ok so far. mainly. kind of.

    • October 27, 2010 at 12:38 pm

      Great point, but that’s the beauty of admitting to being off-balance. I accept that I contradict myself on a regular basis.

  2. Jen
    October 27, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    I live next door to an over-balanced Mom. Her kids are gorgeous and well-behaved. Her husband is handsome and successful. I have never seen her without perfect hair and make-up and her clothes are all designer labels. I have never, ever seen her wear the same thing twice. She is 12 years older than most of us, yet her nickname by the dads at school is “Hot Mom”. She is room mother for both of her kids classes and volunteers for every event at school. She cooks fabulous dinners and bakes everything from scratch. Everything she eats is organic, free range and preservative free. She ALWAYS packs her lunchboxes the night before shcool. Her kids rarely eat sweets – even though there is always a full bowl of candy out on her counter (at least until my kids and I come over and eat it all). The funny thing is that I am her antithesis yet we get along extremely well. Darn it – that means she is non-judgemental too. Oh well, back to work I guess. Hope the kiddos don’t mind pasta with butter again for dinner…

    • October 27, 2010 at 1:31 pm

      Jen – you’re hosed! Over-balanced and non-judemental! 🙂 But I happen to know you’re about the smartest person in the whole world, like off the charts amazing! I guess my best self would recognize and celebrate your neighbor, I would admire her and learn from her. Hmmm.. maybe she can pack my kids lunches!

  3. October 27, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    It’s as if you follow me around in my life and blog exactly what I’m always thinking! I’ve already been psyching myself up for tomorrow — my daughter’s preschool Halloween party. I’ll be up all night to get my work done so that I can spend the hours of 9-noon being judged by another Over-Balanced Mom you forgot to mention — the Cliquey Mom. They love inside jokes, memories from “last year” and signing us as a group for certain tasks.

    I’m all for making friends with your kids’ classmates’ parents, but sometimes it seems more about the “cool, insider moms” and less about the whole lot of us.

    • October 27, 2010 at 8:40 pm

      I do follow you around, how did you find out? 😉 The cliquey moms – you are absolutely right! There are definitely circles within circles. Good luck tomorrow! I have my daughter’s preschool party tomorrow too, we can compare notes!

  4. October 30, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    I wrote a post some time ago called, “Excuse me ma’am but your cape is on fire.”

    Wherein I espoused pearls of humorous wisdom (let’s just go with that, shall we?) about the fakery that comes with Together Mom.

    Everyone thinks I am Together Mom. You forgot snack for a year? I forgot snack for three soccer season.

    And yet, I have people totally fooled.

    The trick is to make sure the fire AWLAYS has an alternate, and perfectly reasonable, explanation.

    You can get away with so much!

    PS – Loved your Working Mom post, too.

  5. October 31, 2010 at 10:04 am

    Thanks Lori! A reasonable explanation, I’ll get right on that!!! But ironically, this morning, I made homemade pumpkin pancakes and feel like I am supermom, we’ll see how long it lasts, I give it two hours tops, probably less since I am sitting on my computer instead of helping my daughter with whatever she is asking for!

    Happy Halloween!

  6. Melinda
    November 6, 2010 at 10:55 am

    Your description is me too! If someone doesn’t have the odd water bottle or McDonalds bag falling out of the car when dropping off kids they aren’t normal and may need some training. My kids lean down to pick things off the ground, regardless of whether something fell, out of habit.

    • November 8, 2010 at 10:53 am

      I love the automatic reaction of your kids Melinda!

  7. Mamá Leche
    January 3, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    Oh, boy, you nailed it with the first sentence in #1. I can’t stand it when things — especially my children’s month old “art” projects from preschool– waft out of the car when I open the door to unload them for another 15 minute-late dash of shame into their school.

    • January 4, 2011 at 10:29 am

      Mama Leche – I am a regular with the late dash of shame. Despite my best efforts, I never make preschool on time.

  8. January 8, 2011 at 10:13 pm

    I believe many people would have labeled me as a Too-Perfect Overly-Talented Mom for quite a few years there. And then I decided I was tired of forever having to be something I was not. Started being more myself.

    And then I started blogging and sharing what actually goes on inside my head as I go about my day as Mom.

    And now I have outed myself as being more than a little off-balance.


    • January 9, 2011 at 4:40 pm

      Kris – I really, truly wonder if there is any mom out there who overly-perfect without insane thoughts going through her head…

  9. John
    January 26, 2011 at 10:32 pm

    I appreciate you for your blog page given that at this point I’m sure what type of mom I am and I’m very happy to know that I have got a percentage of all types…

    • January 31, 2011 at 4:30 pm

      The good news is you can be any of them on any given day!

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