Archive for August, 2010

10 Declarations From My Kids

August 5, 2010 2 comments

 As I mentioned yesterday, I love lists and have a few forming in my head about my kids.  As the saying goes, kids say the darndest things.  My kids are no exception.  Sometimes they stop me in my tracks with their insight or absurdity.  They make me laugh, scream and cry with their remarks.  Here is a list of my favorites:

  1. Mom, I think the Grinch is mean because he has no friends.  So I’ll be his friend and then he will be nice. 
  2. Mommy, if I use my magic wand, I can turn my vagina into a penis
  3. I like red wine better than white
  4. Mom, do you think I can have a playdate at charity’s house so I can play with my old toys?
  5. Thank you for a magical day mommy.
  6. She scratched me because I stopped her from trying to go tell on me.
  7. Mommy, I put all my stuffed animals in your bed so you would feel better
  8. Fuck this game*
  9. Don’t tell me I can’t marry my brother
  10. No fair that there is a mother’s day and father’s day, what about kids day?! (Everyday is kids day in this house!)

What is the funniest, craziest or most heart-warming thing your child has said? 

*When my son was about 3 1/2 we were playing a board game and he was losing.  He dropped the F-bomb to the shock of my husband and I.  We quickly explained that his language was not okay and asked where did he hear that.  He looked innocently at my husband and said, “From you dad, you say it all the time”!  My husband was practically crying, trying to suppress his laughter, he was also impressed that our son had used it in the proper context.

Categories: Humor, Lists, Parenting Tags: , , , ,

10 Things I’ve Said As A Parent

August 4, 2010 5 comments

I can’t sleep, I thought I had solved my frequent insomnia with an herbal sleeping pill, apparently my body has caught on and it may be time for the big guns.  As I laid in bed trying to sleep, I was thinking about how much my kids make me crazy, the weird things I say as a parent and why I love them so much.  For those of you that know me, you know I love spreadsheets and lists, so here you go, my first parenting list – 10 Things I Have Said As A Parent. 

Warning: more to come…

  1. Get the chair off your head!
  2. How many did you flush?
  3. You went pee where?!
  4. The bathtub is not a water slide!
  5. If you have 6 more bites of chicken, you can try mommy’s wine.
  6. Untie your sister, it’s time for dinner.
  7. We do not put things in our bottoms.
  8. No sweet girl, you will never have a penis, not even if you have a magic wand
  9. If this plane had a parachute…
  10. Please God, keep them safe

I am going to try to get some sleep, what have you said as a parent?

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