Slightly Off-Balance

The following is a guest post from Pursey Gallore who I hosted for the weekend.   Pursey is a sassy, sequins, zebra purse, who travels the country to raise awareness and money for The American Stroke Association as the Ambassador for Project: Purse and Boots.  You have heard of hostile witnesses in court right?  Well I would like to declare Pursey as a hostile guest blogger.  Ouch!  She’s pushing me off the keyboard…

I had high hopes for my weekend with Paige.  She assured Lori, my rightful owner, I would be treated to a fabulous snow vacation.  She tempted me with talk of great meals, phenomenal wine and wild company (you know how I love to have a good time)!

I arrived on Wednesday and things started out well.  Within an hour of my arrival, Paige whisked my off to the salon for a little “maintenance”.  I thought it was a good sign that Paige understood my grooming needs and that with constant travel, a purse needs a little attention from time to time.

  The next morning we popped into her dentist office.  I really appreciated Paige’s attention to detail when it came to my maintenance.  I also thought, any gal who was the meticulous about getting ready for vacation was going to treat me to one fabulous trip…

Thursday night, Paige took me out for sushi and introduced me to another bag.  This bag was “nice” but I clearly outshined her and she refused to sake bomb!  Paige drank diet coke and we were home by 9:00… booorrrinnnggg.

We left Friday morning for the snow.  The cabin was lovely.  You couldn’t even call it a cabin.  It was four bedroom vacation home on almost an acre.  They had received a huge snowfall and everything was a picturesque white – all the better for showing off my sequins! BUT, all the snowfall had left the neighborhood without power for TWO DAYS!  For those of you who are not as savvy as me, that means there was no heat in the house!  Paige was considerate and left me and the kids in the car with the heater until she had built a fire. However, the power did not come back on all night!!!  Paige and her family had to sleep on the floor in front of the fire under millions of blankets to stay warm.  Sure, she put me close enough to the fire keep me warm, but not close enough to melt me.  But where was my blanket?!  And I had to sleep on the floor!  The conditions were sub-par for celebrity like me!  Oh, and p.s.- everyone was too cold to put a dent in the case of wine they brought – we went to bed at 10:00.  Booorrrinnngg and fffrreeezzziinnnggg!

The power came on in the middle of night and the morning seemed much brighter.  The house was warm and everyone was happy.  I heard talk of making up for one rough night.  Hallelujah, I was in desperate need of some fun!  Then, just as the coffee was being made (I was hoping for a latte), the power went out again!  What kind of place did Lori send me?!  Did she not ask about contingency power plans?! 

Paige and her group decided to make the best of it, we went out to breakfast and then headed to the slopes.  As we drove there, I imagined how absolutely fabulous I would look skiing.  The sun dancing on my sequins, the snow complementing my pattern.  I knew I would be the most fabulous purse on the mountain.  I would love the exhilaration of zipping down the hill, I would love the adrenaline rush, I would love the hot totties in the lodge.  I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO HAVE NOT BEEN LEFT IN THE CAR!

Apparently, Paige’s husband was worried I would get wet in the snow.  He didn’t think Paige could manage me and the camera hag (I mean camera bag).  Since they “had” to have pictures of the kids skiing, they decided my snow pictures would be later in the day.  I got upstaged by an ugly canvas navy and black camera hag.  I will not post a picture, she is SO beneath me.

When the finally returned to the car, they were stuck in the snow.  Ha ha ha – karma’s a bitch isn’t it Paige.  I laughed as they tried multiple times to get their four-wheel drive truck out of the snow.  They finally got us free and we headed for the cabin.  We arrived to find NO POWER.  While I am pissed about being left in the car, I was relived that Paige was so decisive, she packed up the car and  we headed for home.  They were in such a hurry to get escape what was clearly hell frozen over, they took NO pictures of me in the snow!

After spending all Sunday at Paige’s house watching her unpack and do laundry, I tried to get on her computer and tweet for help.  I was hoping one of my fans would come rescue me, but alas, Paige had not plugged her laptop in yet, I was cut off from the world.

Just when I thought I would die of boredom, I heard Paige on the phone setting up a dirt bike riding trip.  Are you kidding me?!  Motorcycles?!  I love motorcycles!  I love anything that goes fast!  We arrived Monday at a real log cabin and a private dirt bike track.  Okay, this is how I should be treated!  I am a VIP!  And Paige was a doting hostess (she knew she had ground to make up with me).  She took me wherever she was, she introduced me to everybody, she brought me out to sit in the sun, drink wine and watch the bikes.   People lined up to take pictures with me, I once again felt like the diva I am.

Paige's daughter and I (she doesn't ride - she's only 3!)

Ed was being silly, but he has a restored Woody that I would love a ride in...

 

  

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paige, her family and yours truly

I couldn’t wait for my ride on a quad or dirt bike.  I was anticipating the speed, the jumps, and how good I would look doing it!  But Paige’s husband, my sworn enemy, again worried about my ‘well-being’.  He said the track was too muddy for me to have even a short ride. 

I could forgive the no power, cold weather debacle.  I could learn to get over being left in the car at the ski resort, but denying me a motorcycle ride is unforgivable. 

[Paige fights her way back onto the keyboard.]

Ha ha ha, Pursey, if you think not being allowed on the dirt bike was frustrating.  I guess you forgot about our errand on Sunday, you know the trip to Walmart you don’t want to admit to (Pursey is such a Target girl).  Well don’t worry, honey, I have got the evidence:

Pursey and Wally

Purse, what do you say we call the weekend a much-needed grooming and resting weekend for you? In return I’ll never post this picture on Bag, Borrow or Steal.

Fine Paige, you win.

xoxo Pursey