Slightly Off-Balance

I attended my daughter’s preschool  back to school night this evening.  This means, getting to know a new group of parents, some of which have their oldest in preschool.  New parents always worry me because they may not have given up their ideals and sanity yet.  They say admirable things like, “How do we know what our kids learned in school today so I can ask my child about it?”  I respect this, but the easy way out is “what did you do, what did you learn and what was your favorite part”?  They are still trying to do everything right (bless their hearts).  I have to say, all of the moms I met seem very nice and down to earth, but time will tell who is as off-balanced as me.  I have decided to show them the “real me” as early as possible in hopes of bringing them to the dark-side of reality parenting.  Or maybe they are already there…

Last summer, there was an evening when I had too much to liquid fun and I was acting like a child.  I was throwing food at my friends (trying to start a food fight, not out of malice) and generally acting silly.  My husband was getting irritated with me (how could this be?!) .  I turned to my group of friends and proclaimed, “This is the real me!”.  I will never live that quote down, but I have also embraced it in many ways.  Here’s more about the “real” me.  Yes, it’s another list of confessions.

• I loathe the idea of owning a dog.  My kids want one very badly and I am dead set against it.  When I hear dog, I think hair, fleas, chewed up furniture, doggie breath and more responsibility.  It is a threat to my precarious life balance.  Don’t get me wrong, I like dogs – when they belong to other people!  I am also not a huge fan of overnight dog guests, but have made exceptions for my dearest friends. (Devon – I am high-fiving you right now).
• I let my kids eat food they have dropped on the ground (there’s no dog to clean it up).  Correction, I tell my kids they have to eat what they drop, because I am not giving them more.  Now, this is only in my house, when the floors are reasonably clean, and maybe outside if it’s not too public of an area…
• I love the idea of playdates that involve cocktails.  I NEVER drink when I am responsible for someone elses children AT ALL and I never have more than one if my husband is out-of-town.  This is not a joke and if you drink while watching my kids, you will learn about mama bear.  But, if you bring your little one over in the afternoon and you’re staying and want to have a beer with me, that is my kind of playdate!
• I am perfectly comfortable letting my children’s teachers be responsible for their learning.  I will do all the homework and read to them, but frankly, I am exhausted at night and do not feel compelled to do extra credit as a mom.  I am glad there are professionals to ensure my kids are brilliant.
• I recycle, but I drive a diesel SUV, do not compost, never made my own baby food, use disposable diapers and pull-ups and loved having drugs to ease the pain of labor.
• I bake the bread for church, but mostly to make up for how often I miss Mass (meaning mostly absent) and to see a friend who I never get to see unless it is baking time.
• I don’t like cold water so I spend more time watching my kids swim than swimming with them.
• I cannot do math.  Period.

What’s the real you?  You can tell me, I promise to use a fake name when I blog about it! 😉