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Archive for July, 2010

Debauchery = De-Bitchery

July 7, 2010 4 comments

I am spending a long weekend on a friend’s houseboat with 15 other adults.  We all have children at home and this is our weekend to cut loose and act like college kids again.  Needless to say, it is our annual weekend of debauchery.  We drink too much, act silly and laugh hard.  We come home exhausted, hung over and rejuvenated.

I am just going to say it – if you have kids, you need a vice: alcohol, chocolate, Prozac – something!  We love our children more than anything in the world but they test our patience, steal our sleep, and limit our freedom.  While they are worth every sacrifice, we have to have time to let loose.  For me, my weekend of drunken antics will scale back the bitchiness that builds up from juggling a busy life.

I have written about my irritation with stay at home moms who judge working moms.  But stay at home mom’s might even need a break more than me – at least I have 8-10 hours per day of different stress.  Whether you’re a working mom or your whole focus is raising kids (very admirable job), you go crazy from time to time (my time hits daily!).  As my wise friend Sarah says, “parenting is only tough if you care”.  Every mom I know cares a lot and that makes it the hardest job in the world, one which requires de-bitchery. 

So this weekend I will drink to all moms in need of de-bitchery!

Categories: Balance, Cocktails, Friendship

Being Self-Critical

I was chatting with a friend today and she was telling me her fear that someday someone will discover she is all smoke and mirrors.  She was doubting her abilities in her profession.  The irony is that this woman is amazing!  She is top of her game in her career and is one of my personal role models.  She is incredibly smart, without being a know-it-all.

How could a woman like that doubt herself?

One answer is that part of her success can be attributed to being self-critical.  Most self-critical people I know, including myself, strive for improvement and never over-state our results.  This becomes a bigger pitfall if you compare yourself to someone who oversells their accomplishments – it becomes easy to doubt our level of success.

We also hold ourselves to a higher standard that we hold others.   I look at some of my friends and am in awe of all that they do and am surprised when they say the same thing about me.  We lovingly give our friends slack, why not do it for ourselves?

My lesson here is that if you’re going to be self-critical, you need to balance that with a healthy dose of self-appreciation!

Categories: Balance, Life Tags:

Friends and Bars

July 5, 2010 4 comments

Friends are like a well stocked bar.  A well stocked bar provides variety to suit your moods.  A crazy girls weekend calls for shots, a quiet night at home- a glass of wine, a Friday afternoon – margaritas.   Friends are similar.  Playdate mommies, co-workers and book club ladies all bring a different perspective and provide a different kid of fun or enrichment.  Friends can also cause hangovers in excess.  Good friends also get better with age and lousy friends turn to vinegar over time. 

They key to balance is learning over time which friends cause hangovers and should be enjoyed in moderation, which ones to invest heavily in because they will age and which ones will turn to vinegar and should be dumped.  It’s a simple theory, but tough in practice.  It took me years to realize spiced rum is the only drink I can do all day and that sugary drinks will lead to a hangover every time.  It’s even harder to acknowledge a toxic friend or ones that are deceivingly sweet.  I have been paying attention to my little voice lately and am starting to catalog my friends the way I do my bar.  This allows me to prioritize my time and surround myself with top shelf friends.

I feel very blessed to have a diverse group of friends and a well stocked bar!  What defines your top shelf or prized vintage friend?

Passion?

July 4, 2010 3 comments

How much passion should one expect in his or her life? 

I saw Eclipse from the Twilight Saga this week and was telling my friend Sarah, that it seems dreamy to be consumed by love, as Bella and Edward are, but not very realistic. I am in love with my husband, but I have a job and kids that come before being crazy in love.  Sarah says that Twilight is giving young girls the wrong idea about love, that in the real world, love is not like what is portrayed in movies.  Who’s wrong, Sarah or the world?

Similarly, how passionate should one hope to be about their job?  I like my job, but I don’t get up every morning hankering to get to it.  It has awesome moments, when I close a big deal or make an impact, but there are many things I would rather be doing than working.   I know people who would do their job for free.

To answer my own question, I think one cannot expect vampire strength love everyday (excuse the analogy).  The reality is that you can be in love with your partner, but not be able to focus on them all the time.  But, I do think we should push ourselves to find our passion and make it a career whenever possible.  You spend so much of your day working (if you have a job) so it would be great to love it so much you would do it for free.

How much passion do you have in you life?  Is it enough?

Categories: Relationships Tags: , ,

New Support Group

I am starting a new support group called, “I am a good mother with a full time job and doing the best I can”. 

There will be no support group meetings because we have no time, we will not meet in person, because we never get to leave our houses/offices.  Instead we will sit in our offices drinking a glass of wine (or stronger) reminding ourselves that we can only do what we can do and it’s ok that we don’t live and breathe our children 24 hours a day. 

We will understand that full time moms who make stupid comments like, “Do you think your son is having a hard time because you travel so much?” are simply jealous because they know we have fulfilling careers or that they are too dumb to realize how simplistic their lives are.  We will be able to share our work accomplishments with women who get it and don’t think we’re bragging or suggesting we’re more important.

We will celebrate our friends, who are stay at home moms, who help with our kids.  We cherish these women who provide balance to our crazy lives. 

Finally, we will try to keep ourselves from working until midnight to make up for the fact that we are going to try and watch the occasional t-ball practice or sneak in a quick run, to compete with the co-worker who is single, childless and doesn’t have wonderful friends to give them balance!

Wanna Join?

Getting Started

After much deliberation, procrastination and pushing from friends, I have decided to subject the world (or whoever reads this) to my thoughts.  These thoughts can be insightful, inappropriate, funny, ridiculous, heartfelt or … who knows.   I will be blogging to express myself with the secret (or not so secret now) hope that my thoughts will resonate with someone else – tell me if that is ever you!

As I am building this site, so many ideas come to mind that I want to post.  In the beginning, I will be a child with a new toy, I will likely blog multiple times per day while I get it all out and then find a little balance…

Finally, thank you to K for all the help!

Enjoy and please comment!

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