Home > Humor, Life, Relationships > Mama’s Still Got It

Mama’s Still Got It

I am in Seattle on a business trip.  This is such a frequent occurrence, that I might be better off telling you when I am home.  Most nights, I go back to my hotel, eat dinner on my bed and work.  Hey!  I pull the sheets up, stop worrying about crumbs in the bed!  Furthermore, why are we discussing my bed?!

Last night was different.  I went over to the mall for a little retail therapy.  Well, based on my husband’s voice it may have been more than a little retail therapy… Let’s just say my credit fraud alert kicked in – no joke.  Wells Fargo literally shut me down as I was trying to purchase a coat at Nordstrom. (I assure you I overcame this obstacle!)  I share this much detail because it is fairly exciting that I was even in Nordstrom.  When I had kids, I gave up Nordstrom for Old Navy.  But let me tell you, Nordstrom and I are old friends and picked up right where we left off…

I digress.  Big shopping night out blah blah blah… this post is not about Mama still knows how to shop – she does I do (third person is weird)!  This post is about Mama’s still got IT.  You know, IT… getting picked up on! 

I was standing in Macy’s trying on coats.  I was admittedly trying to find a cheaper version of the Nordstrom coat I had already purchased – yes I do weird, time-wasting stuff like that!  I was looking in the mirror and saw a young guy standing behind me, I turned around because he seemed like he was going to say something.

Pause.  When I say young, I mean young.  No 5:00 shadow (and it was 7:00) and he might have been 25, maybe…

Anyhow, when I turned around, I startled him.  He stammered a bit and said, ‘oh, I am sorry…’  I asked him if he thought I was an employee and he stammered some more.  He said he thought I had a name tag.  I said there  were plenty of sales women floating around and turned back to my coats.

He didn’t leave and again looked like he was going to say something, so I turned back around. He stammered again and then asked if I worked around here.

Here’s the thing, I am shy.  STOP LAUGHING, I really am.  I rely on the other person to lead the conversation in a stranger situation like this.  I knew he was trying to make small talk and it was so unsettling embarassing to me that I began to stammer.  I said, ‘no, I live in California, well, yes I sort of work near here when I am in town’.  Shut up Paige and think of how to mention your husband! I turn my body a bit so my ring finger is showing, hoping that will send him on his merry, young boy, way, but he doesn’t seem to catch on.  Now I am even more embarrassed so I turn back to the mirror and he still stays!  AWKWARD!!  I want to just blurt out, ‘I am married!’  But I don’t want to seem presumptuous because maybe he was just admiring my coat for his age appropriate girlfriend.

He then asks ‘if you’re from California, why shop here?  Isn’t the shopping in California great?’  BAM – opportunity!  I turn back to him, smile sweetly and say, ‘I have two young children and shopping is so much more fun without them!’ I then turn back to the coats.

A millisecond later, he was gone!

So mama’s still got it.  She doesn’t know how to use it and doesn’t want to.  She’s uncomfortable with having it and hopes that nice young boys do not target her for being their personal Mrs. Robinson.

I know you still have it, tell me a story about your IT!

  1. October 13, 2011 at 6:51 am

    I think I’ve still got it…I just forgot where I put it…

    • October 13, 2011 at 10:52 am

      Look in your pocket…You, of all people, would carry IT in your pocket!

  2. jezibelle
    October 13, 2011 at 7:22 am

    Hilarious…. I wonder if his sneakers would have squealed like car tires if you would have increased the number of your children… say, to about 8.

    • October 17, 2011 at 6:15 pm

      Where were you when I needed a quicker exit?! I love it!

  3. October 13, 2011 at 7:49 am

    Not quite the same story, but one day my husband (a fireman) and I went to the gym (before children) and I left a little early and went to Jamba Juice across the street. One of the fire trucks pulled up and came into Jamba…I didn’t recognize the guy. He orders, sits down near wear I am waiting, and he says to me (no joke) “I wish I could be all sweaty like you” (or something equally bad). I said to him- I know you guys get your workout time. Fireman says, “how do you know so much about what we do?.” That’s when I took the opportunity to mention that my husband was a captain on his department. The stammering that ensued afterwards still makes me smile to this day!

    I told my hubby and he told his buddies and they all still give him crap to this day!

    • October 13, 2011 at 10:53 am

      Jamie! I love this! You’re in a different league – fireman rank way hire than young boys picking up women in Macys!

      • October 13, 2011 at 9:54 pm

        not really…he was a youngster (and cute too!)

  4. October 13, 2011 at 7:57 am

    The last time I got hit on, I was with my wife and a group of friends . . . a gay guy took the large group to mean “oh, it’s just a gathering of single folk” and would not take no for an answer until I actually had to say “…and this is my wife, Duffy.”

    See, I’m not shy – ever.

    • October 13, 2011 at 10:53 am

      Too funny John! What did your wife say?

  5. October 13, 2011 at 8:52 am

    “She doesn’t know how to use it and doesn’t want to…”
    Ha! That’s the best way to “still have it,” though, isn’t it?

    Sadly, I have no story of being picked up on recently to share.
    So you know what that means.

    I must head to Nordstrom immediately.
    It’s the law. Or something.

  6. October 13, 2011 at 10:55 am

    Julie – definitely a law.

    I will add that because I am on a business trip, I was uncharacteristically put together – dressed, make-up and wait for it – my hair was clean!! This would have never happended at home!

  7. October 13, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    Girl, I can’t imagine you NOT getting it.
    Wait, that didn’t come out right.
    Lets go back and talk about that coat b/c I don’t want to tell you about the scary men that pull up beside me when I’m out on my bike.

  8. October 14, 2011 at 10:26 pm

    I cannot recall the last time I was in hit on. It could be possible. Maybe.

    I think I lack the memory capacity to recall.

    Face in another guy’s crotch with innuendo surrounding it? That I remember.

    Just ask Leanne (Ironic Mom).

    Although he was kinda hot. And from New Zealand. And he did look good in a wet suit.

    Sadly, my face in his crotch had nothing to do with hitting on me…

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