Home > Humor, Parenting > There Is Nothing Wrong with the Shirt!

There Is Nothing Wrong with the Shirt!

I had just finished getting dressed.  I was feeling good, because although I have gained a few pounds from business trips, vacation and Lent being over, I could still button my shorts. Some may say I set the bar low, but when you like food as much as I do, hoping for shorts that button is sometimes aggressive.

My son walked in and said, “Mommy, what’s on your shirt”?  I looked at my shirt thinking there might be a stain or a hole, but saw nothing.

“Honey, where, what are you talking about?”

He drags his cute little hand across my mid section – you know, the gut area, and says, “This, what is this?”

Oh.

Shorts buttoning doesn’t guarantee there will be no “leakage” – why can chubby boobs falling out of tops be cute, but muffin top is not?  When is muffin top coming into style?!  And although, I will usually be my own worst critic, the muffin top was not bad (on this day, in these shorts, with this shirt).

“Honey, that is mommy’s tummy pushing against the waistband of her shorts.  As you get older it is harder to have a flat stomach (my son has an 8-pack)”.

My son giggles a little, “Why is it harder to have a flat stomach”?

“Well, honey because grown-ups don’t have as much time to play and get exercise.  You ride bikes, swim and play outside all day.  You get plenty of exercise.  Mommy has to try to make time in her day for exercise.”

Here’s the part I didn’t say out loud:

See if I wasn’t working full-time, I would have more time to exercise too.  And if I wasn’t your typical stressed mother of young children, I wouldn’t need wine and cocktails and chocolate. 

Actually, that’s a lie.  If I wasn’t working full-time, I would have more wine and cocktails and would still find things to do besides exercise, like read, write and take naps.

Back to the conversation.

“So if you get enough exercise, your shirt doesn’t look like that?”

Now here’s the part where I should be that great mom, that thinks about promoting healthy body image and fitness over appearance.  But I was on an emotional roller coaster.  Starting on that high of my shorts buttoned, then slammed down to “What is that?”.

I dug deep, looking for the good mommy who makes this a positive lesson…

“Honey, let’s stop talking about Mommy’s fat and get going”.

Yep, that was all I could muster.

I’ll try harder next time. 

And I’ll eat healthier.  And drink less.  And work out more.

Or just buy bigger shorts.

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  1. May 16, 2011 at 5:45 am

    Haaahahaaa…those sons are brutal. I continually get the “Mommy why is your butt so giggly” comment from my 6yo son. Arrgh. Again, I love your internal monologue because that’s sorta what was going on in my mind too. Glad I’m not alone….

  2. May 16, 2011 at 6:02 am

    HAES. Healthy at every size. It’s easy to say, difficult to live.

    When I’m still able to button my pants, that day is a #win, whether or not anything else goes right, so I’m right there with you. And I love the thought that I’d take extra time to work out and plan meals and cook healthily. But, yeah, if I suddenly had two extra hours in the day? 90 minutes of napping & 30 minutes of wine drinking.

    And I’d be happy.

  3. Lori Dyan
    May 16, 2011 at 6:10 am

    Sigh…I’ve so been there, honey. Their honesty is both a blessing and a curse, isn’t it?

  4. May 16, 2011 at 6:12 am

    Another laugh out loud post! My son once patted my belly and went “boing!” I wanted to cry! Bottom line: your shorts buttoned. Let’s celebrate. When they get to be our age with young children and stress and sugar all around – they’ll know what we are talking about!!!!!!!!!

  5. May 16, 2011 at 6:47 am

    Little bastard is lucky to be alive! 🙂 My kids poke at all of my scars and make faces…I tell them that it is their fault that I have a giant zipper across my pelvic region.

  6. May 16, 2011 at 7:00 am

    I’m 48 now and fattening myself. ((groan)) Just buy bigger shorts and empire waist blouses. I think at this point it’s easier to disguise, then rise…to the challenge.

  7. May 16, 2011 at 10:26 am

    It could have been worse…he could have asked if there was a baby in there! Muffin tops really should come into style. I know a lot of people (myself included) who would be so relieved. Great post, Paige. ♥

  8. May 16, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    Muffin tops rule. I told my 22 year old son that I was finally losing some of my muffin top and he laughed and said that moms do not have muffin tops. I think he is wrong. Aren’t they all muffin tops regardless of your age??? You just have to realize that it is just another stage of life….and it is okay! That is why there are so many sizes in the world—it gives us options!

  9. May 16, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    When I was in my early twenties, I was a camp counselor during the summers. We would eat lunch and play I Spy.

    One day, as I scarfed my turkey on wheat and swatted at bees, I said, “I Spy something yellow.”

    Without skipping a beat, one of my campers shouts, “Your teeth!”

    Yeah. Kids say the darndest things. Or is it shittiest?

    One of those.

    So chin up, lady. At least muffin tops are delicious.

    Yellow teeth? Are just ugly 😉

  10. Shan
    May 19, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    Enjoy your wine, your cheese and your muffin! All of it. Someone once told me when I had my first kiddo to lower my standards. Across the board. Work out when you can and don’t beat yourself up if you skip some days…or weeks. Whatever! I’ll drink a margarita for you tonight, sugar! XOXO

  11. May 20, 2011 at 11:46 am

    Why oh why do we take our sons’ opinions to heart?? LOL The other day I asked my son how I looked before we walked into church. He replied, “You look crazy. What’s wrong with your hair?” So of course I spend the whole morning in church thinking about how my hair looked instead of the eternal destination of my soul. Thanks a bunch kiddo.

  12. Melinda
    May 21, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    I completely relate. It’s partially not our fault since pants come only in low rise or Mom jeans (Erkel height) and I refuse to go there.

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