Archive

Archive for November, 2010

The Biggest Day for Mom’s EVER

November 2, 2010 16 comments

You oohed and awed over the nominations.  You carefully selected your gown and your security guard is watching your precious borrowed jewels – it is finally time.  This year’s Slightly Off-Balance Mother of the Year award is here.  All Mother’s are fabulous, but this year’s nominees are real stand-outs.  They have lied, tricked and mis-led to fulfill the responsibilities of the job.

So, with further ado, I would like to introduce our celebrity guest judge:  Lori from In Pursuit of Martha Points.  I would like to thank Lori for her tireless effort to ensure this was a fair contest, void of bribes and kickbacks.  (The truffles were a coincidence and there is no proof, anymore).  She read, she re-read, she laughed and she almost pee’d her pants.  Take it away Lori…

The competition was fierce. The bribes were tempting. The home-massage and truffles nearly bought the prize.
 
While I was moved by Sarah and Alexandra’s entries, I found myself giggling inappropriately over Elisabeth’s kids ordering chicken nuggets at the bank. Sparrow taking mothering seriously enough to scare her son away from Brittney Spears was compelling. And I’m envious that Life of Jam got the Benadryl trick to work (it only ever wired my son up.)
 
I hope that Karen was able to dispel her guilt (husband birthdays are important!) and that The Mom Next Door rehydrated quickly (and damn…that’s one good, “Special Friend.”) Susie was a close contender with a young child who can cope with the mechanical challenge that is replacing toilet paper. Tracy is raising children advanced in biology,  Amber better send me some chocolate donuts and  Sendie Lou’s daughter is clearly quite empathic with her careful attention to her mother’s elimination habits. And finally, I have some serious respect for Monica’s mom for tricking a teenager into vacuuming.
 
But after much sweating, toiling, rending of garments and drinking of Schnapps, I was able to narrow it down to three finalists.
 
Shan – for accidentally giving her daughter birth control pills.
Jennifer – for trying to make off with a minivan full of someone else’s family
and finally
Kali Capps for: “If you don’t quiet down Mommy might have an aneurysm.”
 
Can I have the envelope please.
 
What do you mean we don’t have an envelope?
 
I can’t WORK under these conditions?
 
Damnit…where’s my filtered water?
 
Ok..WITHOUT the envelope, the winner is…..
 
MOMMY’S ANEURYSM!
 
Cause really, that might explain my sixteen year headache.
 
Congratulations Kali Caps!
 
Contact Paige to complain about the lack of actual prizes. 🙂
 
And thanks to all for letting me play!!
 

Thank you again Lori and congratulations Kali.  Bragging rights and endless fame are now yours!  For those of you who would like to learn more about Kali’s parenting style – she holds court at The Boss of U.  Go celebrate the big win Kali!

Categories: Uncategorized

Another Halloween Aftermath – Sticky Skeletons

November 1, 2010 3 comments

Candy is not the only diabolical treat handed out on Halloween.  My children also received little sticky rubber skeletons.  They’re “great” – you can throw them at the wall and they stick for a few seconds before falling off.  It was all fun and games until Mr. Skeleton was launched towards my vaulted ceiling…

My husband, the kids and I sat there waiting for Mr. Skeleton to come down.  After a few minutes, a leg came off. I figured it was only a matter of time until the rest of him came down, or so we thought.  When we realized he was making a permanent home on our entry way ceiling, it was time for drastic measures.  We threw a whiffle ball, then a nerf ball, then a soccer ball.  The soccer ball only smushed him harder to the ceiling.  We then got out the “tool” we use to change the light bulbs in our vaulted ceiling.  My husband proceeded to drag that along the ceiling, leaving little scrape marks, but still the pesky skeleton wouldn’t budge.  He finally had to get out an extension ladder and climb up and pull the sticky little guy down.

I hope my HUSBAND learned a valuable lesson about throwing things at the ceiling.  What, you thought it was my kids?

What things has your spouse done to make you think they are one of the kids?

I had to use the zoom lens for this one...

Categories: Humor, Parenting Tags: ,