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12 Steps to a “Mature” New Years Eve

January 1, 2011 11 comments

I am recovering from my exhibition of class and maturity. Here are the twelve steps for a mature and dignified New Years Eve celebration:

  1. Get a babysitter.  I am a responsible parent.  Usually…
  2. Dress up – we looked classy and mature
  3. Go to a burger joint – we were overdressed, but the food is yummy
  4. Play college drinking games like Circle of Death (our rules are slightly different, but you get the idea)
  5. Pull the fourth king (yep, lucky me) and pound a cup of champagne, Chambord, Jack Daniels and Diet Coke.  Ugh!
  6. Have a hula-hooping contest.  No, I am not kidding.
  7. Liberate the kids superhero masks and take pictures.
  8. Decide the anonymity of the masks is perfect for toilet-papering and choose a victim lucky recipient.  Our choices were the family who just had a baby and bought a new car or the couple who left our soiree early.  (We only attack people we know.  It’s a sign of friendship.)  We chose the neighbors who left early.  That’ll teach ‘em…
  9. Convince the sober driver (yes, we had one) our idea was a good one.
  10. Go to my house to steal toilet paper. I snuck in thru the garage so as not to wake the kids tip off my husband who had left the party fifteen minutes earlier and had told me not to go TP’ing…).
  11. Toilet paper the neighbor’s house while wearing superhero masks and take pictures.
  12. Regret our decisions this morning when it was pouring down rain

Needless, to say, I had to make an apology call today, after getting up with the kids at 7:00 am.

I know what you’re thinking.  You think that I make this stuff up, that I couldn’t really be this immature. 

Think again. 

Happy New Years!

Would you like to be my neighbor?

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